That song makes everything funnier.

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Links

UPROXX Live Q&A With ‘Archer’s’ Amber Nash And Lucky Yates, AKA The Voices Of Pam Poovey And Doctor Krieger - “Is Lucky your real name, or do people call you that because of the time you slipped in pee-pee and got a structured cash settlement?” [UPROXX]

Here’s The Mitt Romney/Eminem Mashup You’ve All Been Waiting For - On the surface he looks calm and ready to drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down. [UPROXX]

5 Artists You Missed At SXSW While Waiting In Line To See Rick Ross - Rick Ross should’ve performed all four seconds of his verse from ‘Monster’, threw up his hands, yelled “THANK YOU AUSTIN” and disappeared. [Smoking Section]

Michael Bay And Michaelangelo Respond To The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Kerfuffle - “Relax, friends, I’m working with a guy in a TMNT shit from Hot Topic and he and I think aliens are awesome, so shut up. The first draft of our script is just the words ‘green explosion’ written on 150 sheets of paper.” [Gamma Squad]

Cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch would like to report a Ninja Turtle sodomy - Meanwhile, ’3J’ from ‘Family Matters’ would like to report that he is extremely hungry. [Film Drunk]

5 Bleak British Television Series That Will Kick In Your Pretty American Teeth - ‘Fawlty Towers’ should be on here, that sh*t was bleak. Poor Basil Fawlty can’t get one second of peace in his entire life. [Warming Glow]

The Cast Of “American Pie”: Then & Now - This is just an excuse to juxtapose Tara Reid photos, isn’t it? Also, Shannon Elizabeth needs to start aging somewhere other than the neck. [Buzzfeed]

Kimmel Unveils Rick Santorum-Approved Pornography - Not looking forward to this guy being President and me having to masturbate with a handful of gravel. [HuffPost Comedy]

Modern-Day Icarus - Not interested in seeing this guy’s contraption again unless he’s plummeting down a cliffside during a mission in Red Dead Redemption. [High Definite]

10 Skateboarding Sneakers For People Who Can’t Stand Skateboarders - My awesome David Otunga-style argyle Vans better be on here somewhere. [Brobible]

16 Celebrities With Mustache Eyebrows - The Internet, ladies and gentlemen. [The FW]

Here’s one for the KEEP YOUR POLITICS OUT OF MY SPORTS tag. From College Football Section (wait, what?):

Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum visited LSU’s Alex Box Stadium over the weekend and found time to show off decent form in the batting cage. President Bush and President Obama both have done first pitch duties, but if Mr. Santorum is elected, he might be the first to take batting practice.

At first it looks like “The True Conservative” (who looks, sounds and acts exactly like Jim Bob Duggar) is taking some good cuts, until you realize that those pitches are coming in at dead turtle lob speed and might as well be sitting on a tee. Regardless, it’s fun to see these incognito space monsters attempting to look human, and it’s a nice break from Barack Obama’s liberal basketball agenda.

For further “Republican Presidential candidates taking batting practice” jokes, Rick Perry couldn’t step into the cage because of his rampant menstrual bleeding, but Mitt Romney took a relaxed attitude toward work to watch the baseball match, mentioning that the Nye-mets are his favorite squadron.

Is the Muslim Brotherhood trying to assassinate the Emperor? Get your sh*t together, Rick.

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Links

Christina Hendricks Was Adorably Goth In These High School Yearbook Photos - The most important thing you’ll read all day. Although I could’ve told you that the woman who dyes her hair red in her 30s dyed it black in her teens. [UPROXX]

This Week in Movie Posters, Presented by Newsboy Cat - My brain doesn’t process the Men In Black 3 poster. I might as well be looking at calculus homework. [Film Drunk]

The Dying Art Of Rap Battles & Beefs - |Smoking Section|

The 15 Most Promising Shows of the 2012 Pilot Season - A woman (supporting actress from different TV show) has a job where she’s really great and smart, but her co-workers are all SO WEIRD and it’s just like real life, only even the nerds are handsome enough to be on TV. There, that’s every show. [Warming Glow]

20 Geeky Fake Criterions We Wish Were Real - I would buy almost all of these. Something about calling Weird Al “Al Yankovic” is really funny to me. [Gamma Squad]

Romney Misquotes George Costanza - “I want some serenity!!!” [Buzzfeed]

Bill Maher Compares Newt Gingrich To ‘A Batman Villain’ On ‘Late Late Show’ (VIDEO) - Then he just stands there smirking at himself for 59 minutes until someone turns off the camera. [HuffPost Comedy]

Dennis DeYoung on the Mr. Roboto controversy that destroyed Styx: “I should have had that robot mask made larger” - The most jealous I’ve ever been of my dad was finding out he went to a Styx Mr. Roboto concert. [FARK]

Pilar Sues Deion Sanders For $200 MILLION Because He “Mind Tricked” Her… “I’m Convinced I’m a Gold Diggin’ Ho!” - “These are not the bitches you’re looking for.” /waves hand around [Bossip]

Nephew Sues Uncle for Posting Embarrassing Photo on Facebook - “Would you recognize the man who made you make the duck-face? Is he in the courtroom right now?” [The FW]

What TV Show Do You Wish You Lived In? - Wow, that’s hard. Maybe ‘Family Matters’, because of how hard it is in real life to find love and tradition of the grand design. [Pajiba]

Seven Lies Perpetuated By Modern Cinema - This might’ve been written from the least cool perspective ever. Nobody kisses in the rain? Sex is bad? You can’t knock someone out easily? Speak for yourself, n00b. [Unreality]

A nice counterpoint to the heavy stuff I wrote about yesterday. The grunting really makes it. (via Tastefully Offensive)

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

FilmDrunk’s 2012 Oscars Best Picture Bracket - I’m not quite as acerbic about movies as Vince, and I love at least 6 of the Best Picture nominees this year. Not a fan of The Help, War Horse or Pay 9/11 Forward. [Film Drunk]

The Dying Art Of Rap Battles & Beefs - Well hey, at least now we’ve got a Twitter feud between a remorseless violent dancing man-child and a pro wrestler security guards wouldn’t let into the arena because they thought he was a fan! [Smoking Section]

‘Community’ Hiatus Might Have Actually Improved Its Chances at Renewal - I want so badly for these characters to graduate. Shows with a logical end need to reach their logical end! [Warming Glow]

Our 30 Favorite Pictures From This Year’s Mardi Gras Chewbacchanal -
“Here’s a thing we do where we get drunk and girls shows us their boobs. How could we make it better?” “STAR WARS.” [Gamma Squad]

In Case You Ever Wanted To See Robert Downey Jr. As A Pinup Girl - I haven’t, but uh, thanks for sharing. [UPROXX]

Man Repeatedly Pepper-Sprayed At Disneyland During Fight - Where were these guys when Ursula was trying to destroy Prince Eric’s boat? Or when Gaston was in the woods trying to stab folks? [Buzzfeed]

Rick Santorum’s Gmail Inbox Reveals The Truth About GOP Candidate (PICTURE) - The guy’s last name is “Santorum” for Christ’s sakes, don’t vote for him. Who’s his VP gonna be, Charles Mung? [HuffPost Comedy]

Off The Air: 11 Things Adult Swim Left Online - I wish somebody would accidentally leave ‘Look Around You’ season 2 on a U.S. DVD. [Adult Swim]

How They Made The Greatest Simpsons Episode Of All-Time, “Homer At The Bat” - “Last Exit To Springfield” is the greatest Simpsons episode of all-time, thank you very much. [FARK]

Bossip Exclusive: Ray J Planning To Sue Radio Station Over Spoof Fake Interview Discussing Whitney And Bobby - Any time Ray J talks, the other person should respond with OH RAY J, OH RAY J, OH BAYBEE~ until he shuts up. [Bossip]

How Do You Improve Mardi Gras? Add Will Ferrell - I like that Will Ferrell is just wandering around hanging out at stuff he likes. Beer commercials, Spanish language movies, Minor League Baseball, Mardi Gras. [The FW]

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