Ladies man and the reigning best college basketball coach in the state of Kentucky and beyond, Rick Pitino, is a man of his word. That word? Tattoo. That word elaborated? Pitino told his Louisville Cardinals during the 2012-13 basketball season that if they won the National Championship, he would get a tattoo to commemorate the occasion. Sure enough, The Ville prevailed and became the 2013 Men’s Basketball Champions, and Louisville senior associate athletic director Kenny Klein Tweeted the above image this morning.

Not to be outdone, a still drunken “Papa” John Schnatter stormed into the tattoo parlor and shouted, “You think yer f*ckin cool or something, Pinocchio? I’ll get a f*ckin tat right on my balls that says, ‘F*ck Kentucky!’ because I’m the biggest f*ckin Looooville fan in the world. I drive a f*cking Camaro, bro, you don’t even know! Yo, tattoo guy, put an eagle on my d*ck!” And then he passed out in a puddle of vomit that looked like garlic butter dipping sauce.

And, you know, also Louisville for winning the national championship. But mostly Rick Pitino, and his OH GOD WHAT I DON’T WANNA DIE fireworks avoidance. The poor guy has nightmares of Uncle Sam living under his bed. Also, he’s a vampire. More on that after the jump. (via OTB)

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How many Italian restaurants are in Puerto Rico? That was my first thought upon hearing that a major newspaper on La Isla Del Encanto (as opposed to a minor newspaper) made the announcement that Pitino was going to head to that country to coach their basketball team.

The newspaper report claims that Pitino will lead Puerto Rico in the Olympic Qualifying Tournament next summer in Argentina, and then – should the squad qualify – in the 2012 London Olympic Games. The Puerto Rico Athletics Federation is hoping to get him down to the commonwealth and present him as their head coach before Christmas.

–Card Chronicle.

It’s a good idea for Pitino to get back in the headlines for his basketball acumen and not some of this other foolishness. Plus he could nail like 500 women there and nobody would even think to care because none of them speak English. Are you taking notes, Tiger Woods?

As the story goes, Louisville coach Rick Pitino and serial hat wearer Karen Sypher met in a restaurant and quickly took their conversation to the bathroom stall where things started getting frisky. They did something naughty, she got pregnant and he gave her $3,000 for an abortion. Later, she realized she didn’t get the national attention or money (or sexual satisfaction) she so desperately desired from her ‘encounter’ with Pitino so she cried rape and tried to extort him for $5.5 million. He called her bluff, she took the story public and now they’re fighting it out in extortion court.

Anyway, the latest installment of the sordid tale of Rick Pitino and his 50-year-old restaurant bathroom sex partner has gotten pretty graphic, and you’re about to read the disgusting details! Thanks to the strong stomach’d Matt Jones of Kentucky Sports Radio who dutifully attended the extortion trial and tweeted out a play-by-play of all the horribly entertaining statements by Pitino and his bang maid, we get to be the creepy voyeurizing neighbor as he takes us through one night moment in Karen Sypher, and I get to break out the seldom used premature ejaculation tag. Everybody wins.

Pitino sad he did not plan on having sex with Sypher but he didn’t protest. She asked if he had a condom and he said, “I don’t carry condoms.” Sypher tells Pitino she is fertile. Rick testifies, “she told me her husband looked at her 4 times and she got pregnant and I pulled out”. Defense attorney asks how could she have become pregnant then if he did not ejaculate. Pitino testifies, “I did, down my leg.” Pitino said entire sexual encounter with Sypher “took less than 15 seconds”. Pitino then testifies that “it is physically possible” he could have gotten her pregnant but declines to go further. Thankfully topic ends. -KySportsRadio Twitter

My favorite quote from the encounter (besides the one about how he lasted 15 seconds, of course)?

He said it began when she started rubbing his leg as they were sitting at the bar, then suggested that they go to a booth. “One thing led to another,” Pitino said. He said he got nervous after Sypher told him she was very fertile and joked that her first husband once got her pregnant just by looking at her. -Couriar-Journal Read the rest of this entry »

So that woman that tried to blackmail Rick Pitino last month? Yeah, turned out that Louisville’s head men’s basketball coach kinda boned her back in 2003. Pitino copped to having sex with Karen Cunagin Sypher [Carin'? Come again? Insider?] in a Louisville restaurant, where he was allegedly under the influence of alcohol and watching too many pornos where people have sex in restaurants.

He also told police that he later gave Sypher $3,000 to have an abortion, according to Louisville Metro Police reports The Courier-Journal obtained under the Kentucky Open Records Act. via.

Pitino is claiming that he acquired the aforementioned stinky on his hangdown consentually. When Pitino charged Cypher with extortion in July, she made the claim of being sexually assaulted multiple times by Pitino, but her varying accounts of what happened have damaged her credibility. Meanwhile, the aborted fetus is being recruited by Kentucky, Cincinnati, and West Virginia, but the fetus has mentioned privately that he’d like to play close to home.