New plan: Instead of making Rick Ankiel choose between pitcher and outfielder, we let him do both at the same time.

I’m a little sad that I wrote the The Dugout Opening Days ’12 strip about the Washington Nationals on Monday afternoon, because if I’d written it on Monday night it would’ve been about Rick Ankiel’s monster strike from center that kept the fastest Houston Astro (Jordan Schafer) from scoring from third on a sac fly. It’s a bit of a disservice to type anything but “holy sh*t” about that throw.

From The Washington Post:

“It came out clean,” Ankiel said. “And it was right on the money.”

Wilson Ramos, standing on home, did not have to move his glove. The throw hit him the chest. The crowd stood and roared.

“I would have called it a strike, that’s for sure,” said Stephen Strasburg, who had run behind the plate to back up the play.

At third base, Ryan Zimmerman and Schafer laughed about what they had just seen. “Everyone knows that it’s kind of predetermined not to test Rick out,” Zimmerman said. “It’s nice to have him on our team.”

Buy him a moped and let him cover the entire outfield by himself. It’d at least be better than when you guys had Nyjer Morgan in center.

The Fightins found video of Cardinals outfielder Rick Ankiel’s collision with the outfield wall in Busch Stadium last night. And somehow this was ruled an out, which is good to know because the announcers in the game spent 10 minutes arguing over that possible ruling while Ankiel might have been dying on the warning track. It’s always harder to not sound like a prick in real life. So maybe we should start doing this site in an all-audio format.

NBA — When LeBron James, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce combine for 16 points on 4-for-36 shooting, it just further puts into relief the whole "endless boondoggle" aspect of the NBA Playoffs. Apparently 'Bron hasn't found a 3-point shot he doesn't enjoy shooting off-balance, especially if he can complain to an official while he's doing it. Luckily Kevin Garnett was a factor in an otherwise miserable 76-72 win by the Celtics in Game 1 of their second round series against the Cavs. James missed the potentially tying lay-up, after taking seven steps or so in the lane, with 14 seconds remaining, then missed another awkward three as time expired for good measure to finish 2-of-18 from the field. It was the first time Allen has been held scoreless since 1997, when Rosario Dawson punked his ass on the set of He Got Game. 

MLB — Will Leitch was engorged as Rick Ankiel threw out two runners at third (one from the warning track) and homered to lead the Cardinals to a 6-5 win over the Rockies…Lance Berkman went 5-for-5 and scored four runs in the Astros' 6-5 win over the Nats…Mighty Joe Mauer and his man muscles break up Gavin Floyd's near-no-hitter in the 9th…the Blue Jays need some extra shortstops, stat!, after David Eckstein and John McDonald both left with injuries in the middle of their 5-4 loss to the Rays.

Just hours after Rick Ankiel powered the Cardinals to another win with two home runs and 7 RBI against the Pirates, the New York Daily News revealed that Ankiel received a shipment of human growth hormone in 2004.

According to records obtained by The News and sources close to the controversy surrounding anti-aging clinics that dispense illegal prescription drugs, Ankiel received eight shipments of HGH from Signature Pharmacy in Orlando from January to December 2004, including the brand-name injectable drugs Saizen and Genotropin.

This may be the last straw that forever taints baseball with zzzzzzzzzzzzz. 

Wha?  Oh.  Anyway.  Deadspin's got a nice, heartfelt piece on this, if that's what you need to set your mind at peace in the wake of this earth-shattering revelation.  You know what would set my mind at peace?  A license to kill.  You want some change, do ya?  *BLAM!*

Former pitching prospect turned head case turned failure turned outfield prospect Rick Ankiel made his re-debut as a Cardinal last night, hitting a three-run homer that powered St. Louis past the Padres 5-0.  It was kind of surprising that the Cardinals called up Ankiel at all — they are, after all, firmly ensconced below .500, and Ankiel had only hit 32 home runs in Triple-A this season.  It just didn't make any sense to bring a young power hitter into the lineup.

But anyway.  As expected, people were all giddy that a guy whose promising career imploded has been reincarnated at a different position.  Tony LaRussa:

"Short of winning the World Series, it's the happiest I've seen our club. I'm fighting my butt off to keep it together. Next to striking out [Brandon Inge to win the World Series], that's the happiest I've been in this uniform."

And here I was thinking Adam Wainwright got the last out of the series last year.  I had no idea it was LaRussa on the mound.  That LaRussa!  So versatile.  A baseball genius, really.