Lions QB Jon Kitna — the Touchdown Assassin who predicted ten wins for Detroit before the season began — has been making good on his promise so far in leading his team to a 2-0 start.  But Kitna must have made a pact with God, because the Big Guy Upstairs is now healing Kitna's brain contusions when He's not sending famines to countries who worship the wrong god.  Witness:

Kitna was knocked out of the game against Minnesota on Sunday with a concussion, only to return and lead the Lions to an overtime win over the Vikings.

"I've never felt anything like that, and for it to clear up and go right back to as normal as I can be, is nothing short of a miracle," Kitna said Monday. "I just definitely feel the hand of God. That's all it was. You can't explain it. "I have no headaches, no symptoms, no lingering effects. But that was the worst my head has ever felt, and the worse my memory was in the second quarter. Yet, after halftime there was nothing."

With Leather supports this theory and echoes Kitna in his heavenly praise.  Considering Kitna beat the Vikings, perhaps Someone didn't like us naming Adrian Peterson Purple Jesus?

(Thanks to Craig) 

For perhaps the first time ever, I have respect for Rex Grossman. On the heels of his abysmal Super Bowl and a nasty KSK blind item that was blatantly directed at Sexy Rexy, it would have been easy to curl up, stay inside, and lick his wounds. But sometimes life's a lot more enjoyable if you have Playboy Bunnies lick your wounds for you. ("I'm just having some tightness and a dull ache below the belt… can you massage it a little?") From the Vegas Review-Journal: 

SIGHTINGS: Rex Grossman, getting over Sunday's Super Bowl loss, in the company of Bunnies Cerra, April and Michelle on Wednesday night at the Playboy Club in the Palms.

Ah, Cerra Lenai, April Rawlings, and Michelle… uh, Somethingorother. Well played, Mr. Grossman. I think I'll see if they'll be my friends, too. With benefits. Like, does Playboy offer a 401(k) and health insurance?

(Thanks to the Hater Nation) 

Everybody's taking pot shots at Rush Limbaugh for his comments about Rex Grossman — the FanHaus, Deadspin, the Postmen — and frankly, I've had enough. Let's take a look at Limbaugh's "controversial" comments:

It's just — they're focusing on this guy like they don't focus on anybody! And I tell you, I know what it is. The media, the sports media, has got social concerns that they are first and foremost interested in, and they're dumping on this guy — Rex Grossman — for one reason, folks, and that's because he is a white quarterback.

Let me ask you this, sexy readers: when has Rush been wrong about his assessment of NFL and race? He criticized Donovan McNabb for being a black quarterback, and what has he gone on to do? Never win a Super Bowl and get injured in two consecutive seasons, that's what. And look at Peyton Manning: sure, he got the Super Bowl MVP, but a lot of people in sports media think black running backs like Dominic Rhodes deserved the honor. And all the media wanted to talk about before the game was black coaches Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy, when who got them there? White quarterbacks.

Basically, this is yet another widespread reverse-racist media conspiracy. And people making fun of Rush is part of the cover-up. I hope I've cleared that up for everybody.

(Yo, Rush — you still gonna hook me up with some of that OxyContin, right?) 

I really feel like it's my patriotic duty to give this video to the world as soon as possible.

If you're unfamiliar with the persona that Kissing Suzy Kolber has created for Rex Grossman, you should familiarize yourself with their series of posts that imagine the Bears QB as loving two things only: the deep ball and pussy (I've included links below to a series of Rexisms). And here he is, in video montage form, set to the invigorating tune of "RexyBack."

F–k it. I'm Throwing Downfield.

Rexstacy Wants to Fulfill Your Fantasies

Rachel Nichols, I'll Let You Inside My Brain If You Let Me Inside Your Hanes Her Ways

I've been sitting here for over an hour looking for ANYTHING that's one-tenth as compelling as the Cardinals' Chernobyl… and no such thing exists. I can't even fathom what it must be like to actually be a fan of the Cardinals, the gut-punchingest, most sucktastic franchise in the NFL.

I suppose, on the other side of things, some people want to give the Bears some credit. Fuck that noise. I mean, sure, the defense toughened up and came up with some big plays, but that game was 95% Denny Green, 5% Neil Rackers. Rex Grossman erased five games of awesomeness with the bloody dump he took all over the field last night. If I were a Bears fan I'd be secretly ashamed of that win.

That game is in my head today like LFO's "Summer Girl" circa August 1999.

The Bears defense had a bunch of hitsRex Grossman made me sickAnd I think it's fly when Orton stops byAfter that stunner, that stunnerDenny Green needs to be left dead in a ditchI'd kill him if I had one wishBut he's still coaching after that stunner, what a stunner

God. Fucking kill me now.