Rex Grossman has been named the Washington Redskins’ starter for Sunday’s opener against the New York Giants.

“Throughout this whole thing I wanted to play well and have no regrets about my play,” Grossman said. “My confidence maybe would waver a little bit every once in a while just not sure what they’re going to do. So I signed up for this fantasy football thing on With Leather and won $250. I got back my confidence, and now that picture of me getting buttf**ked by the Packers is the second best thing I’ve ever done.”

I didn’t doctor that quote at all, copy and pasted it right over from HuffPo. Take it as you will.

Anyway, in case you’re wondering what Charles Atlas-quality device could turn Rex Grossman from a zero into a hero, look no further — our friends at DraftStreet have decided to stop punishing me with fantasy baseball failures and offer up money from a $250 cash pool to the top finishers in a With Leather Free Fantasy Football game. It’s free, it takes about a quarter of a second to prepare, and it can win you guaranteed cash money. Most pro football players aren’t even promised that. Click any of the hyperlinks in this post to sign up.

The game happens this weekend, and it’s going to work a lot like our baseball games; you’ll sign up (for free, again, I’m not going to make you pay for anything) and pick your team, and the team with the best performance in this Sunday’s games wins money. So do the next five top teams. In fact, you’d have to be almost as terrible at this as me or Rex Grossman to not win money. So what’re you waiting for? Sign up for this right now, or at least tomorrow, when I remind you!

"I'm just a man, damn it!"

FACT: There’s not a thing to be learned by watching a preseason NFL game. However, and this is something that is often ignored by the casual fan – the media doesn’t give a crap. And neither do I, so I figured we could talk about this past weekend’s games to pass this slow, boring Monday along. As always, I would like to point out that I do not profess to be an expert, merely a conversationalist with a love for potty humour. So please, offer your retorts and counterpoints in the comments and I’ll throw some more Earl Gray on the stove.

1) Alex Smith looked like, well, Alex Smith

To be fair, the San Francisco 49ers have never really given Alex Smith much to work with. But this isn’t about being fair, as much as it’s about winning. So far, Smith still doesn’t look like he wants to be the franchise QB that the 49ers thought he could be when they drafted him 6 years ago.

New coach Jim Harbaugh still hasn’t named a starter for Week 1, but neither of his guys – Smith or rookie Colin Kaepernick – were impressive against the New Orleans Saints. Smith was 2/7 for 10 yards while Kaepernick was 9/19 for 117 yards and 2 INTs. So how bad is it for the 49ers? They’re kicking the tires on Daunte Culpepper. At first glance, it’s incredible desperation. But deeper down, it’s probably to mentor Kaepernick, who is very similar to Culpepper.

Either way, don’t count San Fran out of the Suck for Luck sweepstakes.

UPDATE: And it looks like Culpepper is officially back in the NFL. The 9ers intend for him to play 3rd string and mentor Kaepernick, but as a fellow UCF product, I’d like to see Pepp roll one more time.

Read the rest of this entry »

The start of the NFL’s free agent period tonight will officially mark the end of the Rex Grossman Era in Chicago, and I can’t help but be sentimental. After all, it was Drew’s first Sex Cannon post that started to craft the identity of Kissing Suzy Kolber and put us on the map, and it’s a big reason why I’m sitting here today, instead of blowing middle managers in hopes of a bigger office and better dental plan. So long, Rex. Enjoy the CFL.

[The Trib]

Here’s a solid Top Ten of Grossman meltdowns at InGameNow

The Chicago Bears signed Rex Grossman to a one-year contract Saturday because . . . well, the only reason I can come up with is that they want me to die from a lacerated ulcer. The leader of the Bears' vaunted brain-trust said:

“We wanted him because we feel like he gives us the best opportunity to be the best team we can be going into this next season,” general manager Jerry Angelo said . . . “With one-year deals you’re not solving anything,” Angelo said. “You’re still in the hunt, so to speak. We certainly feel good about the people who are contending at the position, but it’s not solved yet.”

I assume Lovie Smith drawled "Good idea Boss!", before he made the case that the Monsters of the Midway signed Grossman so that wide receiver Bernard Berrian would re-sign with the team:

“We’re using everything we possibly can,” Smith said. “Bernard has been a big part of what we’ve done. He’s come up through the ranks with us. We’d like to see him finish it at our place. Hopefully, signing guys like Rex will help.”

Yes, sexy Rexy can certainly bomb the ball deep to speed merchants. But just because Berrian deals in speed, doesn't mean he smokes crack. Run Bernard, run! -KD  

Lions quarterback Jon Kitna returned to his native Washington to help entertain the crowd at a Sonics game, and you can really see why he made the Pro Bowl squad as a backup.  Not at quarterback though.  A backup to the guy who throws shirts into the crowd.

[A Robot, Piece of Sloan]

Cowboys cornerback Terence Newman has stated his desire to exact revenge upon Lions quarterback Jon Kitna when the two teams play this Sunday.

[A]fter Kitna led the Lions to a 39-31 victory over the Cowboys in last season's finale, Kitna called [linebacker Bradie] James ineffective and said he didn't think Newman was as talented as Seahawks corner Marcus Trufant [which is true, by the way -Ed.].

"Basically, what it boils down to is you've got to watch what you say," Newman [said]. "Your mouth can't write checks that your ass can't cash. That's what it comes down to. Everybody's going to see those quotes. He better just hope I don't blitz off the edge because I've got 15, 25, 30 (thousand dollars) however much it would be for a fine. I've got that much for one fine. Revenge will be sweet, definitely."

So basically, Newman is publicly voicing his intent to injure Kitna with a cheap shot because of an opinion Kitna stated 11 months ago.  That's pretty amazing.  I can't stay mad at someone for two weeks, much less 11 months.  It just takes so much effort to hold a grudge, y'know?  Like, I guess I should be mad at the guy who went free after killing my parents, but that was, what?  October?  Can't we all just move on?  I'm so tired of it.

[FanHaus]