Lance Armstrong finished seventh overall at the Tour of California (Armstrong’s Astana team leader Levi Leipheimer won for the third straight year), but the highlight was the seven-time Tour de France winner shoving this syringe-wielding jackass into a snow bank.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending Lance Armstrong’s decisions to leave his wife for Sheryl Crow or hook up with an Olsen twin or hang out with Matthew McConaughey. I’m really just supporting the idea that if fans want to interfere with sporting events, then all rules are off for the athletes beating their ass. Like, sure, you should be allowed to run around the bases at the Major League game of your choice. And if you get beaten to death with a baseball bat, sweet. Thanks for the extra entertainment.
[pedal.com.br via Fan IQ]
It’s a pretty slow news day in the sports world, so here’s a guy intentionally destroying his testicles on a stair railing. Don’t say I never did anything for you.
AOL released its findings for the most popular searches in 2008, and Danica Patrick was the most highly searched athlete, beating out Tiger Woods and Tom Brady. NASCAR and WWE were the most highly searched sports, followed by the Olympics and MLB. The NFL was fifth. This is the same thing that gets picked up in the news every year and tells you Britney Spears was the most popular search for the seventh straight year or whatever.
If all that sounds really depressing, keep in mind that this is for AOL searches. You know who uses AOL? Grandparents and retards. These are the people who haven’t even graduated to Internet Explorer yet. They’re not the Neanderthals of Web use, they’re Australopithecines. Oh snap! That’s an ANTHROPOLOGY BURN, bitches! You just got graduate schooled!
“Hey honey. Oh, not much. You will not BELIEVE the night I had. Crazy. Listen, will you call an underground doctor and a criminal defense attorney? Oh, no reason.”
The biggest story over the weekend was obviously the plight of Giants star wideout Plaxico Burress. Burress’s season has included a lengthy holdout, a two-week suspension, fines, dwindling production, and a hamstring injury, and it finally imploded late Friday night when he accidentally shot himself in the leg with an unregistered handgun at a Manhattan night club.
Burress went out to Latin Quarter with teammates Antonio Pierce and Ahmad Bradshaw. He told security that he was carrying a gun for protection because he was carrying lots of cash and wearing expensive jewelry. While “carrying a glass of wine,” the New York Daily News reported, “he began fumbling with his gun, police sources said. The weapon went off, firing a single bullet that tore through Burress’ right thigh.” To be fair, as a wide receiver, Burress doesn’t like safeties.
I’d sooner paint over the Mona Lisa than try to add more humor to this video. Although I would have liked to listen in on the planning meeting for this stunt:
“So, okay, I’m just gonna jump off the roof and go through the hoop. Anyone see where this might go wrong?”
“No.”
“No.”
“Okay, then it’s settled. You guys tape it, but a keep a hand free to high five me afterwards.”
(thanks to Buck for the vid)
**takes huge bong rip**
“Wait, dude. What if there was a treadmill that you ran on, only it had wheels? And, like, it was powered by your running, like the car from Flintstones? It’s the perfect invention, man. There is no way anyone would NOT want this.”
