People are pretty funny. For years, a lot of us have been openly begging and praying for any of the major networks to step up to the plate and start a 24/7 sports channel that could rival ESPN. NBC, bless its big greedy heart, has given it a shot, but mostly to hilariously awful results. That’s what happens when your best show features Peter King and Mikey Florio pretending to be cool kids in J-school. (Also, run Michelle Beadle, run!)

But word broke recently that Rupert Murdoch was busting out the checkbook to fire up FOX Sports 1, a new network that would shake the foundation of televised sports journalism as we know it. And then it was revealed yesterday that part of that foundation would be daily sports shows starring Regis Philbin and Terry Bradshaw and we were all like, “Oh come the f*ck on.”

Alas, lost in that crappy, awful-old-white-dudes-talking-about-things-that-bother-them news is some great news for us UFC fans. Notably that FOX Sports 1 is going to give us even more live discussions.

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People are stupid. That’s obviously a running theme around here, but the thing is that celebrities know that people are stupid. Even stupid celebrities know that people are stupid, because that’s how those morons are even famous in the first place. Fortunately for those stupid celebrities, they’re surrounded by people who want to make money off of them, and they’re smart enough to understand the 15 Minutes concept. And that’s the reason why the greatest 14:59 marketing push has always been the celebrity exercise video.

Celebrities are usually in great shape because they have teams of trainers and dieticians that help them around the clock, because if Kim Kardashian didn’t have people helping her, she’d be more ass than a donkey farm. Marketing teams, though, know that they can capitalize off of the public’s stupidity by letting us believe that celebrities just have some inside knowledge on what it takes to keep it tight. They don’t. But that won’t stop them from profiting.

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If you want to see the exact moment my heart begins to swell, this is it.

Pre-show notes:

- Another huge thanks to Dennis Haskins, Action Bronson, Derrick Bateman and the over 6,000 comments that made our Raw 1000 Open Discussion Thread the most populated and commented-upon UPROXX thread ever. If you want to spend the next two hours laughing, go skim through that. I could’ve included 200 top comments.

- Before you read the Raw 1000 report, be sure you’ve read The Best And Worst Of WWF Monday Night Raw, Episode 1. The Executioners show up in it, and they’re pretty great.

- Thanks as always to Casey of Hammerlock Dialectic for gifs.

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather, follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and like us on Facebook.

And now, the Best and Worst Of Raw 1000 (July 23, 2012), lovingly presented by Tout.com.

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