Reggie Bush announced the other day that his goal for the 2012 season is to prove that he can build off of his first ever 1,000-yard rushing season and lead the NFL in rushing yards, which is sure to make more than a few people chuckle. But you have to admire the guy’s ambition, as he previously showed that all he was good for is a few dozen Kim Kardashian rumors each year. For the time being, though, he’s also prepping himself for a career in broadcasting when he hangs up his jersey, as he’s pulling co-hosting duties on Live With Kelly! today for the second time.

Bush originally hosted back in January as part of an all-sports week on Kelly Ripa’s daytime talk show and his stint was a complete success. To show his gratitude, Bush arrived at the ABC studios today with a special gift for the spunky former cohort of Regis Philbin. I suppose you can call it a gift. Or maybe you can call it a terrible jinx. Either way, Ripa is now the proud owner of her very own Miami Dolphins jersey. Responded owner Stephen Ross, “Hey Kelly, you know for a few million bucks you can become a part owner, too, right?”

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A few weeks ago, we were more than happy to help spread the rumor that New York Jets QB Mark Sanchez was having a secret sexual affair with E! cash machine Kim Kardashian, because this is a sports humor site and there’s nothing more hilarious than a site called Starberry Ice Cream delivering a scoop. *honks bicycle horn*

Well, apparently Kardashian has adamantly denied this hokey rumor, and she’s also sworn that she’s completely uninterested in Tim Tebow. Perhaps we had her all wrong and she really does want to start a bible group. Maybe we really should consider giving more people second chances instead of mocking them. Perhaps Kardashian turning a page is something that we can actually learn from.

Nah, she’s still full of it.

Kim Kardashian isn’t secretly dating Mark Sanchez … she’s not interested in Tim Tebow — in fact, sources tell TMZ, the reality star is completely DONE with football players in general … all thanks to Reggie Bush.

Sources close to Kim tell us, her break-up with Bush in 2010 was so rough … she has lost her taste for NFL players entirely — and has no plans to play the field in the near future.

(Via TMZ)

How cool would it be if we found out that the sources close to Kim were actually two deformed goblin Kardashian siblings that have been locked in a basement for two decades, as they plot their chance to escape and reveal that Khloe’s father is really Andre the Giant? A boy can dream.

As for the football player thing, I’d believe it if we weren’t talking about a woman who is addicted to dating athletes like I’m addicted to sending Vanessa Hudgens my finger nail clippings. The timing on this random piece of info is a just a tad peculiar, especially since Bush has been out swagging it up on Miami Beach.

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Chris Paul has missed the last three games with a strained left hamstring, but it’s done little to stop the 8-4 Los Angeles Clippers from at least pacing the first place Los Angeles Lakers (10-5) in the Western Conference Pacific Division. While Paul is listed as day-to-day for his on-court activities, the injury luckily didn’t interfere with one of his favorite off-court events – the Chris Paul PBA Celebrity Invitational.

Each year, Paul teams up with the Professional Bowling Association’s biggest names, as well as some of his fellow athletes and a few celebrities, to raise money for the CP3 Foundation. This year’s tournament took place last week and ESPN was on hand to record it, as it will air on Super Bowl Sunday. I’d warn you about spoiler alerts, but you were probably never going to watch it anyway.

Contributing to the cause this year were Michael Strahan, Reggie Bush, Ciara, the guy who played Turtle on “Entourage”, Blake Griffin, a guy from “Grey’s Anatomy”, comedian Kevin Hart, Drew Carey, and pro bowling’s bad boy, Pete Weber, Jr. There were some other people at the event and you can see them after the jump as I try to Google them and figure out who the hell they are.

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[Ed. note - In celebration of this week's theatrical release of The Muppets, here's our thing about Muppets. If you haven't seen it yet, you're in for a treat.]

We’re still a few months away from the release of The Muppets, starring and written by Jason Segel, but my excitement couldn’t be higher. Hold on, I’m receiving a breaking news message… *squirrel in a hot air balloon drops a note tied to an acorn on the table* … it appears that The Muppets also stars Rashida Jones and Mila Kunis, so I may have an awesome heart attack soon. In the meantime, it’s Friday and now I’m all Muppety, so what the hell can I do to resolve this?

Thankfully, while looking for something completely unrelated yesterday, I stumbled across the Muppets Wiki site and started perusing the history of the happiest shows of my childhood – The Muppet Show and Sesame Street. Eventually I realized that a lot of athletes have been told how to get to, how to get to Sesame Street over the past 42 years, and it all started with Jackie Robinson in 1969. From there, children and adults who are still children at heart watched with glee as their favorite athletes stopped by to teach us about the alphabet, sharing, numbers, living in garbage cans, depression, being a giant bird, same sex partnerships with bottle cap enthusiasts, and building motor skills, among others.

After the jump, I’ve compiled an extensive history of athletes making appearances on Sesame Street and with the Muppets. If you don’t enjoy this or smile the whole way through, then I’m afraid we’ll never be friends. And that would make Big Bird very sad.

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Speculation has been running rampant on sites where “Lindsay Lohan has gross teeth” is news for weeks, and it’s about to become official: Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian are divorcing. If you just screamed “GET OUT” and shoved your computer with both hands, you are awesome.

From The Scoop:

TMZ is reporting that Kim K is expected to file for divorce Monday from her husband, and she’ll cite the cause as “irreconcilable differences,” and list the day of separation as Oct. 31, 2011. Also, Ryan Seacrest offered up a tweet confirming the news, saying Kardashian is filing for divorce.

The trouble-in-paradise rumor mill has been churning overtime on this one, and the couple’s decision to spend Halloween apart seemed to be a final nail in the coffin.

I’m pretty mad about the Halloween thing myself, as Kim was dressed as the Batman & Robin version of Poison Ivy but Kris as the COOL PAHTY Arnold Schwarzenegger variant of Mr. Freeze was nowhere to be found.

I think we should look back on the two-ish months of Kardashian-Humphries-Kardashian wedded bliss and consider our lessons learned. The first lesson is that no matter how reprehensible these people seem, no matter how little they deserve to be famous, they are real, living people who deserve the same respect and privacy as you and me. Lesson two is that the E! Network is faker than pro wrestling, and that everyone on it more human than Lou the Chihuahua should be followed around by the “YOU’RE A BIG FAT PHONY” character from ‘Family Guy’ at all times. Lesson three, Kim Kardashian earned $17.9 million to marry a guy, turn it into a series of cable television specials and divorce him 72 days later but it is gay men and women in love who are ruining the sanctity of marriage. Lesson four, the NBA Lockout has gone on long enough for one of its players to get married and divorced. Lesson five, Kim and Reggie Bush are this century’s Romeo and Juliet, except they end up together and everyone around them dies.

Next season on ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’, Kim gets introduced to Tim Tebow and the sparks fly.

As we grow more impatient and tiresome of this NBA lockout, I’m going to offer a promise – no more stories about Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian after today. I will not bring up the fact that Kris Jenners, Humphries’ new manager, is trying to make her three daughters all get pregnant at the same time. But I do say “after today” because I can’t not bring up the low-flying tabloid story about Humphries’ in-flight encounter last Sunday.

In a story that has to be complete fiction but somehow apparently isn’t, Humphries was flying from Los Angeles to New Orleans and seated right next to him in first class was none other than Ray J. For those of you lucky enough to have been in a coma for the past 5 years, Ray J is better known as Brandy’s rapping brother and the guy who made a sex tape with Humphries’ new wife.

Awk. Ward.

After minutes of “awkward silence,” Ray J walked up to Humphries’ seat to congratulate him, but Kris acted like he didn’t recognize him. According to a source, “Ray J said, ‘Come on, you know who I am. I just want to say congratulations.’ Then Kris, realizing he was cornered, said, ‘Oh yeah, yeah, I’m sorry I know who you are.’ ” (Via the New York Post)

Ray J also allegedly texted Kim on her wedding day: “And to think you really have me to thank for all this.” Now he has the balls to walk up to Humphries and say, “You know who I am?” How the hell are these guys even on the same flight? There are coincidences and then there are nightmares. I’ve attended an ex-girlfriend’s wedding before. That’s pretty awkward. This doesn’t even have a proper word.

But if it’s being reported that it happened, I want to at least address it in a new feature… We Like to Think It Happened Like This.