I’m not one for conspiracy theories, especially when it comes to sports. The effort it would take to orchestrate a fix on an institutional level, combined with the cover-up afterwards to keep everybody quiet, would be monumental. All it takes is one person looking to cash in on a salacious story and the whole house of cards would come tumbling down. And for what? To advance one team one round in a tournament? You’re going to risk the integrity of your entire sport for that? It’s just not worth it.

BUT, I am one to point out a horribly blown call, especially when it prevents something potentially awesome from happening. Something, for example, like a 16-seed upsetting a 1-seed in the NCAA Tournament. That’s why I’ve helpfully screencapped this moment from yesterday’s Syracuse vs. UNC-Asheville game. With about 30 seconds left, and a 66-63 lead, Syracuse was inbounding the ball from under their own basket, and the ball clearly bounced off one of their player’s hands before going out of bounds. Despite this, they were awarded possession, and promptly locked the game up with free throws.

Now, you could certainly point out that there was a pretty obvious foul committed by the UNC-Asheville player on the play, but that is besides the point for our purposes. If the referee wasn’t going to call the foul, for whatever reason, then the play needed to be treated like the foul didn’t happen. The point is that, during a live play, the ball went out of bounds after touching a Syracuse player, and the referee blew the call. Saying “Yeah, but if the foul would have been called …” gets us nowhere because, to quote the lead singer of the band Crucial Taunt, if a frog had wings, it wouldn’t bump its ass when it hops.

The main reason I’m so upset about this is because it cost us something so potentially cool. A 16-seed has never upset a 1-seed, and it was *thisclose* to happening yesterday. There’s no guarantee that UNC-Asheville would have hit a tying three, or even cut the lead to one with a quick basket, but it would have been a blast to watch them try. Hell, maybe they would have just thrown the ball right to Syracuse, tripped over their shoelaces in unison, and flubbed the game away anyway, but at least then they would have done it on their own. It’s tough enough for David to take out Goliath as it is. Goliath doesn’t need a crowbar.

NOTE: There was also a lane violation call on UNC-Asheville at the end of the game that appeared to be questionable, but, as explained by the studio hosts and the NCAA’s director of officiating, it was the correct call.

via USA Today

entertaining football referee at TC Wolverines vs Corona youth football game

That … sort of describes it.

I also would’ve went with “weirdly muscular guy blows whistle and points indiscriminately while football players try to figure out what the hell is going on”. Something about his shorts make me uncomfortable. And yeah, I’m pretty sure there’s nothing worse than super muscular people who have no reason to be, like when Carlton on “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” was suddenly jacked out of his mind.

Not much is known about this video (so I can’t answer the major questions, like “why is this guy doing this”, “who put one of the Village People in charge of high school football” or “are any of these calls accurate”), but it’s nice to occasionally report a story that reads “man makes youth sports fun” rather than “man makes kids work out in heat until they die” or “coach whips out his business at a Burger King”.

[h/t Guyism]

The NFL has named its officials for Super Bowl XLV, and normally that wouldn’t be such a big deal. But Walt Anderson, who will referee the Big Game for the first time after 15 seasons in stripes, is a dude who deserves mention for commitment to his craft. Anderson was a former dentist in Texas, a profession that he gave up in order to accept the call to the NFL (my emphasis added):

“My company (Anderson Dental in Sugar Land) was a big group practice, with 45 employees and 13 doctors,” he said. “I realized there was no way I could do justice to both, so I sold the practice. If I was going to have the opportunity to be an NFL referee, I wanted to do it in what I felt was the right way.”

The “right way” takes time and equipment. Some might try to scrape by with, say, a satellite dish, a few cable boxes and four VCRs; Anderson has four dishes, each linked to a TiVo hard-disc recorder, eight VCRs and a computer with video-editing capability.

“A lot of the guys kid Mike Pereira (the NFL’s director of officiating) that `Walt’s got better equipment than you do,’ ” Anderson said, laughing.

–Houston Chronicle [2005]

I always laugh when I hear about how NFL officials are “part-time,” because their weekly workload is a helluva lot more than 40 hours.

“It probably takes me a good eight to 10 hours between the TV tape and coaching tape to go through my own game,” Anderson said. “Between last week’s game and next week’s game, I’ve probably got 25 hours a week of film study. I also tape four to five other games every week and go through those games and pick up unusual plays that the crew can benefit from.”

That Chronicle piece is old, but worth a read if you’re interested in the life of an NFL official. Anderson is heading a so-called “all star” crew, meaning that the seven officials are the ones that pulled the best grades for their regular season assignments. Oh, and they haven’t worked together all season. This can only end well.

Last week, NHL referee Chris Rooney became Internet famous for all the wrong reasons, after his voice cracked while he was calling off a goal during a game between the Carolina Hurricanes and the New York Islanders. And to make matters worse for the guy, he was touching his crotch while he did it. I like to think he was just giving the ladies a little something special.

But because the Internet is a wonderful place filled with diabolical geniuses, it didn’t take long for someone to edit the clip with a Simpsons clip of the squeaky-voiced teenager. After the jump, I’ve got the original and the remix for your crotch-grabbing, puberty joke enjoyment…

The Original Play Call

While the San Diego Chargers were busy thrashing the San Francisco 49ers 34-7 last night, Niners defensive tackle Justin Smith got into a bit of a verbal bout with Chargers tight end Randy McMichael. As the two exchanged words in the second quarter, referee Garth DeFelice stepped in to break it up, when Smith unleashed a thousand furies upon him. Or he pushed his arm away.

DeFelice didn’t take too kindly to Smith’s response and he immediately ejected him from the game for making illegal contact with an official. Legal contact, of course, is a gentle nude embrace followed by breakfast. Of the fiery DeFelice, one announcer said:

“This guy right here, that’s Garth DeFelice and he’s one of the toughest umpires in the National Football League.”

I think that marks the first time that a NFL announcer used the “This guy right here” on a non-player. Finally, a breakthrough. As for Smith’s take on the ruling, he seems to be fine with it. Or at least he understands it…

“I wasn’t even aware it was the official at first,” Smith said. “Me and the tight end were kind of going at it. It was kind of a natural reaction by me. Rules are rules, you’ve got to respect it. It’s unfortunate it cost the team.” (Via National Football Post)

However, some people believe that Smith’s words were just a thinly-veiled way of saying, “Balderdash!”

Justin Smith spoke briefly with reporters after the game and indicated that he did understand the rule that if issued a flag for touching the ref he’d be ejected. However, when asked if he expected a fine and his thoughts on the nature of the play, he stated several times that, “It is what it is.” Watching him say that you could tell he thought it was a bogus call without calling it that. (Via Niners Nation)

Regardless, Smith is going to receive a fine from the league and he’ll play next week. Meanwhile, DeFelice will probably need months of therapy to recover from this brutal beating. He may never be able to leave his home again with fearing having his arm pushed. Be brave, Garth. Be brave.

Video after the jump…

After the jump, you’ll see that weird fumble from the Steelers-Dolphins game from yesterday. The result of the play appears to be a Ben Roethlisberger fumble and a Miami Dolphins recovery in the endzone, which would have been a touchback. Unfortunately for Miami, the head linesman couldn’t wait to signal touchdown, so the play was blown down and nobody bothered sorting out the pile on top of the ball, which was stupid.

Dolphins coach Tony Sparano challenged the ruling of touchdown, burning his last timeout. The touchdown was overturned, but Pittsburgh maintained the ball. Because they’re a bunch of cheaters, obviously. The Steelers kicked a short field goal for a one-point lead, and one could almost hear Bill Parcells ripping the doors off his refrigerator out in the distance.

Miami, needing a field goal to win, couldn’t convert a first down on their ensuing possession, and that was it. But still, the officials deserve the lion’s share of the blame here. But exactly how much is a lion’s share? I’ve never had to share anything with a lion, and even then I’d probably just let him have the whole thing. Except for Asian women. I don’t know why, but lions really hate Asians. Look it up.

During one particular summer game, Duke Callahan, Mark Wunderlich, and I made it to the three-minute mark in the first quarter without calling a foul. We were running up and down the court, laughing our asses off as the players got hammered with no whistles. The players were exhausted from the nonstop running when Callahan finally called the first foul because Mikki Moore of the New Jersey Nets literally tackled an opposing player right in front of him. Too bad for Callahan-he lost the bet.

I became so good at this game that if an obvious foul was committed right in front of me, I would call a travel or a three-second violation instead. Those violations are not personal fouls, so I was still in the running to win the bet. The players would look at me with disbelief on their faces as if to say, “What the hell was that?”

Seriously, read the whole thing at Deadspin, and here’s hoping that the book actually sees the light of day. I mean, everyone knows that outcomes are fixed in the WWE and they seem to be doing pretty well. Besides, I’m pining for the day that Kevin Garnett finally smacks Bruce Bowen in the head with a steel chair.

The late Red Auerbach might be the only guy that makes me want to not hate the Boston Celtics. Here we see him in this undated, new-to-me video of Red getting the redass about defensive players selling fouls to referees. And this was in the early 1970s. Vlade Divac would have been waterboarded within an inch of his life if he had played for this guy. You might have to adjust the wave bar on your audio controls to pick up the sound. Or buy a better hearing aid. Your call.

Marat Safin delivered a backhand return right into the net judge’s leathery face last night, or yesterday, or whenever it is that Australian Open matches are happening. Why does Australia have to be so far away and backwards and opposite. It’s day here, night there. Winter here, summer there. Cars travel on the right here, left there. I’m straight here, I crave men there. Wait, what?

After the jump, a ball boy suffers a similar fate at the racquet of Juan Martin Del Potro.

Yesterday’s Niners-Rams game was so completely unexceptional and dull in every way that the only way the NFL could spice it up was to let the referees start actively hitting people, as umpire Garth DiFelice did when Kenneth Darby took a wrong turn in the middle of the field.

And of course I support this.  The only thing more enjoyable than a referee gumming up a play and tackling a football player is a referee gumming up a play and getting demolished by a football player.  Call me sadistic (my hookers certainly do), but I like it when the people without pads get run over.

The video is after the jump, but I’m not going to lie: it’s not quite as satisfying as the photograph.  I love a good knockout punch. Just another reason the NFL is better than boxing.