A while back, we pointed out that Reebok was under investigation by the FTC for improperly marketing their fitness shoes with the implication that they would help women get in shape. In fact, Reebok ended up paying out approximately $25 million to pissed off people who purchased the RunTone and EasyTone shoes. Stuck in the middle of that mess was innocent, angelic Kelly Brook, who models the shoes in question. And with that introduction, I do believe that I have covered all my bases to somehow tie the main point to athletics.

Kelly has a new calendar out and it makes me wish that there every day was its own month. But more importantly, I admire Miss Brook’s affront to the stereotypes that we should wear warm clothes in the fall and winter months. Underwear for all, I say.

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In news that should only be shocking to people who take diet pills, Reebok is paying $25 million to disgruntled athletic shoe enthusiasts after the U.S. Federal Trade Commission determined that the company’s RunTone and EasyTone shoes were sold with a mighty misleading ad campaign.

If you’re unfamiliar with the kicks in question, they’ve been marketed as shoes that women can wear to gain the benefits of exercise while they simply walk from the frozen dinner aisle to the ice cream samples. So how did they market such a foolish idea? By strapping these $100 cankle supports to exotic human masterpieces like Nicole Scherzinger and Kelly Brook.

David Vladeck, director of the FTC’s bureau of consumer protection said: “The FTC wants national advertisers to understand that they must exercise some responsibility and ensure that their claims for fitness gear are supported by sound science.”

(Via the Daily Mail)

Now you wait just a second. How can you say that Kelly Brook isn’t a walking example of sound science? Everything about her suggests that gravity is bogus. Next thing you’ll tell me is that wearing Sketchers Shape Ups won’t turn me into a Hall of Fame quarterback or a sex tape star.

But don’t worry, lazy fitness enthusiasts. I’ve found the solution to all of our problems and it’s so awesome and powerful that it makes CrossFit look like cross dressing.

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Links

Reebok Broke, Reebok Broke: Company Agrees To Pay $25 Million In Toning Shoe Refunds - R.I.P., Reebok, I will always remember you in your better days, when you tried to sell me shoes by having Shawn Kemp dunk on a robot in a game of Killer Instinct and then scream to destroy him. [Smoking Section]

Today’s Column: How Moneyball the Movie Became the Opposite of Moneyball the Concept - I still haven’t seen this. I’m a bad sports blogger. I’m going to try to recreate the experience by sitting in a pitch black room and listening to an A’s game on the radio. [Film Drunk]

Jose Canseco And Octomom Sitting In A Tree - In case you missed it yesterday, the Octomom is probably the most legitimately weird person to ever be famous for something, and Jose Canseco thinks he’s good at fighting people, but he isn’t. Also, lol Coolio. [With Leather]

How Many Awkward Patrick Swayze Jokes Are in ’50/50′? - I love you, Anna Kendrick, like a real, lasting love, so I’m going to go see this movie you’re in, and you have to repay me by being super nice to me should we ever meet. Not weird-nice, just pleasant and happy, because Lord, I sat through this movie. [Moviefone]

Here Are The Nick Offerman High School Yearbook Photos Ron Swanson Fans Have Been Clamoring For - Nick Offerman isn’t a real person. I’m convinced Ron Swanson is a S1mone situation and his high school yearbook pictures are just part of the false memories. [UPROXX]

The Most Ridiculous Covers of Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane - Comic books were awesome as hell before people like Judd Winick grew up and got put in charge of them. [Gamma Squad]

Creepily Specific, Poorly Made ‘Simpsons’ Cosplay to Haunt Your Dreams - I don’t do the “well, gonna have nightmares!” joke a lot, so please know it is not a joke when I say this is going to give me nightmares. Jesus Christ. [Warming Glow]

Meme Watch: Pug On A Slide Wins The Internet Today - Pretty sure this would win the Internet on any day. I get worried for pugs when they’re trying to walk forward, much less when they’re put on playground equipment. [UPROXX]

Awesome Quotes From 11 Famous Writers On Censorship - Important words to share with you from a website where the Dockers people will get mad and pull their ads if I type the f-word without stars over the U and C. [Buzzfeed]

The Road to Juggalo Recovery - I outlined the steps to recovery in yesterday’s Morning Links, but I’ll add a fourth: if you’re in public, put on a shirt. [Adult Swim\]

Popeye’s Scoop Shaped Dippable Fried Chicken Is a Real Thing - “What part of the chicken is a NUGGET??” the commercials ask. I don’t know, what part of the chicken is the “popcorn”? What part of the chicken comes out looking like a Frito, you psychopaths? [The Daily What]

28 Hi-Def Calvin and Hobbes Wallpapers - Just because. [Unreality]

In a pro football world where wearing high-top cleats to honor the passing of Johnny Unitas can earn you a $25,000 fine, it shouldn’t come as a huge surprise that players hoping to wear red, white and blue gear on the 10th anniversary of 9/11 is a punishable offense. Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs tweeted about his new patriotic Reebok gear and how he expects to be fined for wearing it. So did Kansas City Chiefs running back Jamaal Charles. So did Washington Redskins tight end Chris Cooley and Tennssee Titans quarterback Matt Hasselbeck and most of the San Diego Chargers. So whether or not the league approves, they can’t fine everybody for supporting their country … can they?

Briggs:

Reebok great job on these gloves and shoes..looks like I’m getting fined this week. Lol! By far the best fine I will ever have to pay. Thanks…Fines for gloves could be as much as 5k..the shoes 8-10k I think. not 100% on the shoe fine.

Is wearing 9/11 commemorative gear “showboating”? Is it being done to draw attention to the players who choose to break the rules? To give them more media coverage? I’m blogging about them. I think it’s a valid consideration, but when your talking point is “do I or do I not want to show respect and reverence to my country’s worst tragedy in my lifetime” I’d hope the simple gesture of fellowship and patriotism would not go hand-in-hand with the Lambeau Leap. At the same time, what are Never Forget gloves accomplishing, and isn’t there probably a better way for rich people to show their support to the victims of the attacks?

Regardless, don’t assume the league is totally heartless: the NFL and NFLPA will donate $1 million to related charities and memorials. Of course, the average NFL team is worth about $1.04 billion and ESPN just completed an eight-year extension worth as much as $1.9 billion annually with the NFL for the rights to Monday Night Football, so the issues of “how much can we give” and “how much can we take away from you” sort of go hand in hand.

[h/t Shutdown Corner]

“Sex sells” has always been a known idea in advertising, and the marketing team at Reebok is certainly going in the right direction. The company has settled upon Kelly Brook to represent their new line of EasyTone shoes, which is only interesting because they got her to pose naked on a billboard.

Kelly Brook, a lad mag model famous in the UK for her breasts is apparently a “brand ambASSador for Reebok. And Reebok’s hot new product is their EasyTone shoes which they claim tone one’s butt while one walks (up the side of a mountain, maybe). That’s her unveiling herself yesterday in South London. Brilliant. –Copyranter

Brilliant, indeed. Reebok just spiked my interest in their EasyTones from “not interested” to “mildly interested” in one fell swoop. Reebok needs to get Brooklyn Decker posing naked in a pair of Pumps. /Answers phone. Why hello, owner of Reebok. Why yes, I am ready to receive offers for an advertising gig. Just keep in mind, my minimum salary is 10 million a year. I need to pay off all of those gambling debts I have with the mob. Read the rest of this entry »

This commercial has been out for a couple weeks but Hot Clicks finally found an online version of it; it’s Reebok selling shoes that supposedly help tone up your legs and butt. And this is what I found a bit squirrely–the shoes are for women, yet this commercial was clearly shot to be enjoyed by men. What gives? Does Reebok think that men are buying women’s running shoes now? And oh by the way? Nice ass. Lofty ass. I would eat that ass for lunch if I hadn’t already eaten lunch. Eh, what’s a second lunch at this point… via Hot Clicks.