I think the Youtube user who uploaded this clip did it a great service by removing the sound, removing the context and playing it on loop. It helps the viewer detach from any distractions or personal prejudices and clearly focus on what might sincerely be the worst soccer dive I’ve ever seen.

Daniele De Rossi is a 29-year old Italian footballer and midfielder for Serie A club Roma who believes that if you shove someone, it hurts your own ankle. Watch is slack-jawed amazement as De Rossi waits for the referee to turn his head before lightly pushing his opponent, then collapsing to the ground as though Chong Li just stomped through his tibia. The ref isn’t impressed, and the guy who supposedly broke his ankle just kinda stands there shrugging, because what the f**k are you supposed to do?

Anyway, as pathetic and obvious as it is, YouTube commenters are quick to justify it as legit, because of course they are, and of course it was:

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FINALLY, the official instrument of the 2014 World Cup in Brazil has been announced, and I can finally stop worrying about how I was gonna watch soccer without incessantly playing a stupid f**king noisy trinket. Meet CAXIROLA, designed by “Academy Award nominated musician Carlinhos Brown,” because you absolutely need an Academy Award nominated musician to design “a rattle with finger holes instead of a stick.” Mother of God. Enjoy listening to this thing, soccer jerks. (h/t to Reddit)

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Meet Sporting Kansas City’s Jimmy Nielsen. He’s lying on the ground because a soccer ball touched him. In soccer. The sport where he’s a goalkeeper. The guy who stands in front of soccer balls and lets them hit him.

Juninho of the New York Red Bulls decided for whatever reason to kick a dead ball at Nielsen. It hit Jimmy in the chest, so of course he went totally limp, collapsed to the ground and pretended it hit him in the face. Maybe stopping a soccer ball is a “nails on a chalkboard” thing, or smelling your own farts. When you’re in control of it, it’s fine. When somebody else does it, it’s the end of the world, and all you can do is lie motionless until everyone involved has been removed.

Soccer, everybody. Video is after the jump.

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It wasn’t a great weekend for Texas sports. Aside from the horrible stuff that went down at the NRA 500, the generally serene-ish FC Dallas Stadium got violent when a player from … uh, FC Dallas scored a game-winning goal. Yeah, I don’t know.

George John scored the game-winner on a header, and before he could even get out of the net and celebrate, a fan tossed some garbage onto the field and sliced him in the back of the head.

John, 26, headed home the game’s only goal in the 87th minute, but he barely had time to celebrate. The bottle hit him as he took his first steps out of the Galaxy goal, and he fell straight to the ground.

“I knew something hit me,” John said. “I wasn’t quite sure what happened, if I ran into the post or what, but then I looked down and saw a beer bottle and I was like that had to of hit me. I felt [my head] and there was a ridge and then I was like ‘Yes, something hit me for sure.’ Luckily I didn’t need stitches and I was able to stay in and finish out the game.” (via NESN)

If you watch the video (included after the jump), it looks like a water bottle hits him in the chest and he flops, lying around holding his head while the time runs out. And then as the video progresses you see him get up with blood all over the back of his head. So … no.

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Here’s 19-year-old FK Željezničar Sarajevo midfielder Nermin Zolotić, a man with pro-level soccer skills, a team name that is extremely difficult to type and only one functioning leg. What happened to the other one, you may ask?

Bosnian international player Nermin Zolotic suffered a horrible leg injury during his side’s Zeljeznicar clash against Zrinjski on 4/10/2013. Please pray for this boy, this looks really bad

If you watch the clip, you can see his opponent step down directly onto the ankle, snapping it and leaving poor Zolotic lying on the field to roll around in shock. You can’t even freak out when something like this happens, you just have to sit there with your arms out until somebody wanders over and carts you away. The pain and agony comes later. I don’t think the human brain can process anything deeper than, “welp, my leg is jelly.”

I would offer to pray, but I’m not sure I can properly pronounce Nermin’s name, and I don’t want some other guy in Bosnia to have a super-powered left ankle because I willed it.

[h/t to Dirty Tackle]

god, stop being such a soccer nazi

AEK Athens midfielder Giorgos Katidis scored a goal and gave a Nazi salute, because soccer people are crazy. He got banned for life, then immediately apologized on Twitter to save ass, saying, “I am not a fascist and would not have done it if I had known what it meant.” Sure, buddy, everybody thinks that’s a reference to Dr. Strangelove. (via USA Today)

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