"Hello, I am the Kaká."

If you had asked me to name the athlete with the most followers on Twitter, I would have asked for a hint. You’d say, “He plays soccer” and I’d reply, “Ugh, soccer… okay, is it Pele or that Ronnodonno guy?” Of course I’d be wrong and you’d laugh at my ignorance to the world’s most popular sport, and I’d probably cry because I’m super sensitive.

But at least I’m not alone in knowing who the most popular athlete on Twitter is or who he is, because People magazine seems shocked and concerned that it’s Brazil’s Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite, or Kaká as he is known to his 10,015,243 Twitter followers.

Brailian soccer star Kaka (a.k.a., Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite) is the world’s first athlete to reach 10 million followers on Twitter, making him only the sixteenth person to hit the high benchmark. He ranks right under Eminem (10.3 million followers) in the 10 Million Club, where Lady Gaga reigns supreme (with 23 million followers).

Actually, according to Twitaholic, he’s the 16th person and 17th entity to crack the 10 million mark, because YouTube ranks 10th on the followers list with 11.6 million. But just how popular is Kaká? He has more followers than Twitter.

Interestingly, Kaká’s closest competition is his Real Madrid teammate Cristiano Ronaldo, who has just under 900K followers. I would have guessed that Ronaldo would have more, what with his media fame and reputation as a globe-trotting poonhound, but Kaká, a self-described Christian family man, is the No. 1 guy.

On a side note… Kaká. Hehehehehehehehehehehe!

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On July 14, Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic are going to play a charity exhibition match at Real Madrid’s Santiago Bernabeau Stadium, as they’ll attempt to break the all-time record for attendance at a tennis match while raising money for the Real Madrid and Rafael Nadal Foundations. The current record was set in 2010 when more than 35,000 people watched Kim Clijsters beat Serena Williams in Brussels.

That’s awesome news because both foundations work to assist disabled children and these two rivals – if you call Djokovic owning a 7-match winning streak against Nadal a rivalry – are sure to put more than 40,000 butts in the seats for a good cause. And hopefully at some point, a fan says that Nadal looks like a capybara so I can make a better segue than this.

Self-described “person with some interests” Laurie Ainley recently launched the new Tumblr, Capybaras That Look Like Rafael Nadal, that indeed points out that the two-time Wimbledon champ looks a little bit like a capybara, or the largest rodent in the world. Is this just a little mean? Maybe, but I’ve long contended that capybaras are adorable, so we’re treating it as an honor.

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Yes, that’s Real Madrid goalkeeper Iker Casillas picking his nose and wiping it on a child’s face. It’s the acting out of how Jose Canseco treated me when I tried to get his autograph when I was 7. (Via Sportress.)

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Nic Cage Is All The Avengers (Plus TV Spots) |Gamma Squad|

Chevy Chase Calls Dan Harmon a ‘Fat Sh*t,’ Might Leave ‘Community’ |Warming Glow|

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Life sure is tough for this loser.

Real Madrid star and athlete No. 647 to have dated Kim Kardashian, Cristiano Ronaldo was none too pleased with the officials of his team’s 1-0 victory over Dinamo Zagreb on Wednesday. He complained that the top priority of the Champions League referees should be to protect the awesomeness that is Ronaldo. After all, he is the most important athlete on the face of the planet.

“We are very happy with three points we took, but I’m not so satisfied with the refereeing,” he told reporters. “I hope we never have this referee again. People talk of fair-play, of protecting good players, but I never get any of that. I don’t understand a thing.

“I’m sad because I hear referees saying they will protect skilful players, but while some are untouchable it seems I can be mauled.” (Via The Guardian)

Pretty standard bitching and moaning about officiating, nothing to see here. But it’s the follow-up quote that really sprays the money shot.

“I think that because I am rich, handsome and a great player people are envious of me. I don’t have any other explanation.”

How could there be any other explanation? He’s clearly so humble and respectable that the only reason people might boo him is because it’s just so impossible to take our eyes off of him. In fact, I wrote this entire post with my erection.

Well, like nuts, at least.

Sports

Exciting New Genre Alert: The MMA Porno - It’s called “Fighters” and follows “two beautiful, passionate girls, from opposite walks of life that come together in a battle of lust and unyielding wills to fight it out in a stealthy boxing match.” Spoiler: One walk of life is “stripping” and the other is “molestation”. [Cage Potato]

Sports’ Best Mustaches - Sure, you always have to see that same picture of Rollie Fingers, but “best mustaches” lists on the Internet are the best place to find out about weird-looking hockey players. I keep wondering how hockey players get hot actress girlfriends. Theory: hockey is the one pro sport where a woman can date a white guy and not look like she’s a secret racist. [Yardbarker]

Real Madrid Signs 7-Year Old - Soccer is a fun game for children to play, I don’t know why people are so upset about this. Just make sure he drinks Pediasure instead of eating that box of fries. [Online Sports Guys]

Deion Sanders And The Career Many Forgot He Had - It started with “Must Be The Money” and ended with a Troy Aikman-looking Hall of Fame bust. That’s quite a career. Also, he was the sh*t in Tecmo Super Bowl. [Smoking Section]

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Senorita, Feel The Conga, Let Me See You Golf Like You Come From Colombia - Shakira golfing. If you see the title “Shakira golfing” and don’t at least look at it for a few minutes, you’re a weird person. [With Leather]

@Storytime: Celine Dion Destroys Ron Artest’s Fragile World - This thing needs more comments. This is a “Fabio gets hit in the face by a bird while riding a roller coaster” type of situation and needs your attention. SHE MADE HIM WANT TO LEARN ABOUT THE HOLOCAUST. [With Leather]

The 80′s Sitcom Daughters Guide to Fantasy Football Wide Receivers - I love that Burnsy puts so much work into making these intelligent and accurate and most of the comments are still just “meh where’s Lynn from ALF your argument is invalid”. [With Leather]

Melina Splits: WWE Cleaning House - Notable because WWE is referencing them on television, with the slight chance that Masters, Kozlov and Harry Smith are going to return as part of CM Punk’s “Legion Of The Damned”. Melina, of course, will be at Wizard World Austin. Come on, Wizard World Austin! [With Leather]

Not Sports

The Best of #Tom Haverford - For all your apps, zerts and chicky-chicky parm-parm needs. Tom is my girlfriend’s favorite character on Parks and Rec, no matter how hard I try to convince her that Leslie is the best person in the history of sitcom television. [UPROXX]

7 Sci-Fi Philosoraptors: Dinosaur Meme Tackles Time Travel, Space - Needs more “Carl Sagan explaining Flatland”. “Cosmos” ruled, I don’t know if you were aware. [Gamma Squad]

The Five Most Useless Action Movie Heroines - I clicked this to make sure Violet from Ultraviolet was on the list, and sure enough, there she was. I got that blu-ray free with my blu-ray player and could not believe something so free could be so terrible. It was like watching Joseph Kahn jack off onto a tablet. [UPROXX]

Black Dynamite: Watch the Full Pilot - Main man Black Dynamite! [Adult Swim]

Back in April I put up a video of Real Madrid winning the Copa del Rey, then promptly dropping and running over it with a double-decker bus. That’s the sort of mishap that mishappens once in a lifetime, right? Well, it turns out Real Madrid is really into committing vehicular manslaughter on the things they love, because now they’ve dropped a woman and run over her with a golf cart.

A rundown of events (cough) via Brooks Peck at Dirty Tackle:

While the players were being transported around the [UCLA] campus, one female fan decided to bum-rush one of the moving carts. She apparently didn’t consider the science of what happens when a person runs directly into a moving golf cart, because she got run over. The cart stopped momentarily before zooming off on its merry way.

The best part is the Hit And Run, because the guy filming just sort of goes “heh” and everyone moves on with their lives. No additional information is known about the victim at this time, but I’ve got a couple of working theories:

1. The woman was trying to commit suicide in the most uptight, Caucasian way possible (via a golf cart carrying a soccer team on a California college campus).
2. The woman was simply blind and jogging in the wrong direction.
3. The woman is Kevin James, and this is one of 800 similar jokes in his next movie.

Regardless, this is the least alert soccer team of all time. I hope you guys never crash your plane in the Andes Mountains, you’ll be dead within 20 minutes.