Seems like quite the prophetic photoshop now.

Cristiano Ronaldo is a world class athlete who is immensely wealthy and considered to be one of the most attractive men on the planet by women everywhere. So it’s no shocker that the Real Madrid superstar has once again found himself at the center of the tabloid gossip universe, this time amid rumors that he cheated on his girlfriend of three years, supermodel Irina Shayk.

At the center of this controversy, though, is an old friend of ours – Miss Bum Bum Brasil 2012 runner-up Andressa Urach. The same runner-up who spent the week after last year’s pageant on a boat, hooking up with the winner, Carine Felizardo. And now Urach claims that Ronaldo is “obsessed” with that runner-up butt, enough that they recently had sex in a hotel on the night before Real Madrid’s 4-1 UEFA Champions League semifinals loss to Borussia Dortmund.

But Ronaldo denies that it ever happened, according to a super serious Twitter statement.

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I almost called him “The Ndamukong Suh Of Football.” Remember when Suh fell down and his leg just happened to float straight up into the air, find itself directly in front of Matt Schaub’s junk and kick “for stability” because it’d become sentient and detached from the rest of Suh’s body?

Meet Pepe, the hobby horse Portuguese professional footballer for Real Madrid who has similar magic nut-crushing leg problems. Here we see him getting frustrated and kung-fu kicking backwards, accidentally stomping Celta Vigo’s Soto Roberto Lago in the dick. I’m sure he didn’t meant to do it — I don’t think soccer players would ever intentionally hurt one another — but hey, sometimes your leg’s brain goes AWOL and makes it boondoggle the nearest pair of balls.

If he didn’t do it on purpose, my theory is that he was going for this:

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We don’t write a lot about soccer at With Leather, and when we do, it’s usually about dogs running out onto the field, Arianny Celeste’s nipples posing for cheesecake photos with a soccer ball or crazy fan brawls. You know, fun stuff. People getting kicked in the balls.

It’s less fun when life kicks somebody in the balls.

Real Madrid superstar Cristiano Ronaldo scored two goals in Sunday’s game, the team’s first victory after three rounds of the Spanish season, but nobody seems to care about that. What’s making the news rounds is that Ronaldo didn’t celebrate either goal. The reason? He’s sad, and if you knew him you wouldn’t have to ask him why, God, mom.

As reporters asked him about his two-goal night, Ronaldo solemnly said he didn’t celebrate in the team’s 3-0 home win over Grenada because he was “sad” for “professional” reasons.

“The people know the reasons why I didn’t celebrate the goals,” he is quoted as saying by Spanish news agency EFE. “I don’t do so when I am feeling sadness. It was due to a professional motive.

“The appropriate people inside the club know why I’m sad. I won’t say anything more.” (via ESPN FC)

As funny and melodramatic as that is, the response from his teammate is EPIC:

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"Hello, I am the Kaká."

If you had asked me to name the athlete with the most followers on Twitter, I would have asked for a hint. You’d say, “He plays soccer” and I’d reply, “Ugh, soccer… okay, is it Pele or that Ronnodonno guy?” Of course I’d be wrong and you’d laugh at my ignorance to the world’s most popular sport, and I’d probably cry because I’m super sensitive.

But at least I’m not alone in knowing who the most popular athlete on Twitter is or who he is, because People magazine seems shocked and concerned that it’s Brazil’s Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite, or Kaká as he is known to his 10,015,243 Twitter followers.

Brailian soccer star Kaka (a.k.a., Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite) is the world’s first athlete to reach 10 million followers on Twitter, making him only the sixteenth person to hit the high benchmark. He ranks right under Eminem (10.3 million followers) in the 10 Million Club, where Lady Gaga reigns supreme (with 23 million followers).

Actually, according to Twitaholic, he’s the 16th person and 17th entity to crack the 10 million mark, because YouTube ranks 10th on the followers list with 11.6 million. But just how popular is Kaká? He has more followers than Twitter.

Interestingly, Kaká’s closest competition is his Real Madrid teammate Cristiano Ronaldo, who has just under 900K followers. I would have guessed that Ronaldo would have more, what with his media fame and reputation as a globe-trotting poonhound, but Kaká, a self-described Christian family man, is the No. 1 guy.

On a side note… Kaká. Hehehehehehehehehehehe!

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On July 14, Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic are going to play a charity exhibition match at Real Madrid’s Santiago Bernabeau Stadium, as they’ll attempt to break the all-time record for attendance at a tennis match while raising money for the Real Madrid and Rafael Nadal Foundations. The current record was set in 2010 when more than 35,000 people watched Kim Clijsters beat Serena Williams in Brussels.

That’s awesome news because both foundations work to assist disabled children and these two rivals – if you call Djokovic owning a 7-match winning streak against Nadal a rivalry – are sure to put more than 40,000 butts in the seats for a good cause. And hopefully at some point, a fan says that Nadal looks like a capybara so I can make a better segue than this.

Self-described “person with some interests” Laurie Ainley recently launched the new Tumblr, Capybaras That Look Like Rafael Nadal, that indeed points out that the two-time Wimbledon champ looks a little bit like a capybara, or the largest rodent in the world. Is this just a little mean? Maybe, but I’ve long contended that capybaras are adorable, so we’re treating it as an honor.

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Yes, that’s Real Madrid goalkeeper Iker Casillas picking his nose and wiping it on a child’s face. It’s the acting out of how Jose Canseco treated me when I tried to get his autograph when I was 7. (Via Sportress.)

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