Chances are that this week was either your last shot at making your fantasy football league’s playoffs or it may have even been the first round for some of us, but either way it’s safe to say that the dependables did their thing and the risky guys probably didn’t. It was a relatively normal week across the board for the Big 3 positions, with the exception of a handful of “elite” or “bordering-on-elite” wide receivers who really crapped the bed.

But the most fascinating game of the week from both a train wreck and/or fantasy standpoint was the Seattle Seahawks’ 58-0 absolute-clobbering of the Arizona Cardinals. Unless you had the Seahawks defense or Marshawn Lynch in this game, chances are you walked away scratching your head and wondering what the hell just happened. Obviously, there wasn’t a single Arizona player worth a damn (except maybe Rob Housler as a desperation TE *points to self*), but people counting on Russell Wilson, Sidney Rice or Golden Tate must have been PISSED.

What a strange, strange game that was. And if you’re interested, you can watch the entire game in one quick video recap…

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Mike Wilbon’s arch nemesis Dan Steinberg posted a series of pictures from the new Nike store in Washington DC yesterday, including the one that you’re looking at above. Apparently (and naturally) the store is a massive tribute to all that is DC sports culture, but none of that matters right now, because of that picture up there. What the hell is going on in that picture? That’s Ray Rice trying to tackle Brian Orakpo. WHY???

Of course, it shouldn’t surprise us that this conversation is already alive and well at Reddit, so I will let them ask and answer the big question. First, the thread’s creator and Washington Redskins fan “RamsesToo” states our frustration:

Display at the new Nike Store in D.C. Ray Rice is trying to tackle Brian Orakpo because logic.

Then, Seattle Seahawks fan “guardpost” counters:

Orakpo is running with one of Flacco’s turnovers and Ray Rice is trying to make the tackle. I feel like that’s not much of a logical stretch.

That’s a good point. HOWEVER, there’s one problem with that idea and “RamsesToo” is on top of it…

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When this season’s awards are eventually given out, Aaron Rodgers is going to be the NFL’s Most Valuable Player. There will be compelling cases for his QB peers Tom Brady and Drew Brees, who will probably break Dan Marino’s passing record tonight. And many sports writers will cry foul that Ray Rice, who has been virtually silent about his contract situation with the Baltimore Ravens in the classiest way possible, deserves it for carrying the Baltimore Ravens to the playoffs. But having had more sleep in the past few days than I get in most months, my brain is firing off insane ideas today, including the argument that San Francisco 49ers kicker David Akers deserves to be NFL MVP. You read that right.

Trust me, I know how absurd this is and I deserve everyone calling me insane and throwing lit cigarettes at me, because in no universe should a kicker mean more to his team than a QB, RB or All-Pro linebacker. But the 49ers have had such an incredible season, seeing as most morons – *points to self* – figured this would be a cake walk year in the NFC West for the St. Louis Rams, who ended up being a bigger disappointment than Sucker Punch. Before you start lining up to give me atomic wedgies, though, let’s at least look at the numbers.

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I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong about something, so I had no problem making fun of myself yesterday while Ray Rice made me and the Pittsburgh Steelers look incredibly foolish. In fairness, my fantasy football rankings were doomed because I wrote them too early, since I would clearly never take Arian Foster and his hamstring with the first pick, but more importantly because Rice was going to benefit from the disappearances of Willis McGahee, now ruining Knowshon Moreno’s value in Denver, and Le’Ron McClain, who of course joined Jamaal Charles in Kansas City.

With that said, I’ve never claimed to be an expert. So I tip my cap to those of you who nabbed Rice in the Top 5 because it’s pretty clear that he, LeSean McCoy, and maybe even Matt Forte are poised to become the cream of the RB crop this year. That is, if every player in the league isn’t on the injured reserve by Week 4.

Then again, it’s also only Week 1, so I shouldn’t be crowning anyone. But if Rice and his 149 all-purpose yards and 2 TDs against the Pittsburgh Steelers don’t impress you, then I guess you are more foolish than I.

"You're mad? I have his fumbles on my fantasy team!"

For millions of years or as long as men have gathered in groups to draft fantasy football teams, the running back has been the dominant selection. If you don’t share the philosophy then you’re at least familiar with the strategy of taking two running backs first to create a solid scoring foundation. The top overall draft picks are almost always elite RBs, and you most likely spend the majority of the football season sending out terrible trade offers with the hopes of acquiring another RB.

Essentially, RBs have almost always ruled the world. Too bad the jerkface coaches of the NFL are doing their best to destroy that philosophy, what with the ever-increasing trend of committees and scenarios. But does that mean that you can’t use a little strategy to make sure that you acquire an elite RB on draft day? Yes, actually, it does mean that. Unless you have a top 5 pick this year (depending on how your league rewards and favors QBs) you’re probably not going to get top tier production from your backfield.

But that doesn’t mean that you can’t at least have solid productivity while creating harmonious scoring across your roster. You just have to clear your mind, forget your fan allegiances, and for once in your life stop telling yourself that THIS is the season that Joseph Addai becomes a monster. Again, I will remind you that I am not professing to be a fantasy football expert, like the many people at the big boy sites who don’t know their asses from a hole opened by the Green Bay Packers offensive line. But I do have some opinions that could help you, and chances are they’re at least better than your moron friends who spend $10 on magazines each year.

Today’s topic is the running back, as we fight to protect the endangered species that is the featured back. And yes, I’m using more attractive females to make my arguments.

Here’s an odd story out of Baltimore that makes Cleveland look almost respectable by comparison. Five Baltimore Ravens showed up to sign autographs for a Red Cross fundraiser, but then fans got bent out of shape when three players left early. The fans, who paid $50 each to get in, raised over $60,000 for tsunami relief efforts in Japan, but some of that money might be going back into those purple camo pants pockets.

[Some fans] didn’t get signatures from Ed Reed, Joe Flacco and Ray Rice because those Ravens star players didn’t stay for the entire three-hour event.[..]

Red Cross officials said their role was to provide volunteers for the event and didn’t organize it. Defensive backs Haruki Nakamura and Chris Carr remained so everyone who donated money would receive an autograph.

But officials said any fans that didn’t receive their desired autographs and want a refund can call 410-624-2030. The Red Cross will need proof of the donation.

–Ravens Insider [Insider? I barely know her!]

The Red Cross already pledged $10 million to tsunami relief in Japan, which is pretty amazing. They just figured that Americans would just give that much to the cause. I’m not saying that Japan didn’t suffer an amazing tragedy, but think about that: the Red Cross just knew that we’d give that much. Is that enough to buy our way out of hell for all the tsunami jokes we’ve made? I need a ruling on this.