Bill Walton Just Said, ‘F*ck It’ Last Night

Written by Ashley Burns / 03.15.13

Bill Walton (R) with UPROXX's own Vince Mancini

Yesterday, Deadspin reported that ESPN’s golden child and father of Grantland, Bill Simmons, had been unusually silent on Twitter for the past two days, and it turned out that the Worldwide Leader has placed a gag order on him after he criticized First Take’s horrible debate segment between Skip Bayless and Seattle Seahawks DB Richard Sherman. Simmons was arguably correct in saying that the whole thing was embarrassing for everyone involved, but that didn’t stop ESPN from laying the hammer of internal justice upon its most celebrated employee.

The reaction was interesting, in that a lot of people who haven’t liked Simmons for years were all like, “Oh snap, original Sports Guy back???” But I’m going to try to put the basic thought process into terms that Simmons fans might better understand. You know when your best friend starts dating a really hot girl but there’s more than meets the eye to her – like when Valerie Malone showed up on 90210 and started dating, well, everyone, right? – and when there’s finally a struggle between the two, you hope that your friend is going to see the light and dump her sorry ass. But then even when she leaves, he replaces her with Gina Kincaid and you’re like, “This guy just won’t ever learn.”

That’s what I took away from the bulk of reaction to Simmons’ hush-hush yesterday. But you want to know how Bill Walton took it? He took it as, “F*ck it, bros, I’mma say whatever the f*ck I want!”

Read the rest of this entry »

12 Comments TAGS: , , , , , , , , , ,

SNL Covered The Super Bowl Blackout And Jay Pharoah Should Be Shannon Sharpe Forever

Written by Brandon Stroud / 02.11.13

SNL Super Bowl Blackout

Warming Glow usually handles weekly recaps of Saturday Night Live right after it airs. As a site that updates Monday through Friday we don’t always get that timely Sunday morning bump, but SNL covered the Super Bowl Blackout and I’ll be damned if I don’t dedicate a post to Jay Pharoah’s Shannon Sharpe impression.

Here’s what the folks at WG (where I one day hope to lord over everyone with my ‘Arthur’ jokes and terrible pro wrestling recaps) had to say about the cold open:

Nice of the SNL makeup department to make Tim Robinson look like Bill Cowher’s thawed-out corpse. Anyway, the cold open started slowly before delivering some solid lines in the final two minutes. JB (the black JB, not the wannabe-black JB) admitting he’s never actually seen 2 Broke Girls was a nice touch, and making Jay Pharoah’s Shannon Sharpe reveal, “Ray Lewis knows who killed those people, because it was him!” was what was missing from last episode’s Weekend Update Ray-Ray appearance. Not a great opener, but not bad, either.

If you missed it, video is below. I guess they couldn’t find a realistic Dan Marino wig.

Read the rest of this entry »

2 Comments TAGS: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Anyone Can Buy Deer Antler Spray And Be Just Like Ray Lewis… Allegedly

Written by Ashley Burns / 01.31.13

Prior to this week, the most I’d ever known about anything involving deer came down to: 1) Venison is delicious as long as I convince myself it’s not Bambi and 2) You can buy deer piss in hunting stores. The latter, I’m sure, is common knowledge, but I learned about bottled deer urine in high school, when I thought it would be hilarious to buy two bottles and pour them out in my classrooms. Needless to say, I didn’t have many friends.

But this week the big buzz for the ignorant types like me involves deer antler spray, which apparently possesses some performance-enhancing drug-like qualities. That’s why some people are accusing Ray Lewis of using such a spray to boost his recovery time from his torn triceps injury earlier this season. Of course, Lewis has denied that he would ever consider using a PED to help make sure that he wouldn’t miss the remaining games of his final season, and the whole thing has him agitated to all heck. Heck, I say!

Read the rest of this entry »

7 Comments TAGS: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Saturday Night Live Did A Ray Lewis Thing, And Yes, It Was Kenan Thompson

Written by Brandon Stroud / 01.28.13

In a better world, Saturday Night Live sketches about football players would suddenly become super popular, and 80 minutes of every show would just be Kenan Thompson changing jerseys and doing the same voice to represent every black football player. Ah well, at least it wasn’t Fred Armisen in blackface again.

No Saturday Night Live Ray Lewis thing will ever top this.

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

SNL Ray LewisInterview: Talking To Fred Armisen About ‘Portlandia,’ ‘SNL,’ And Meeting Prince |Warming Glow|

The Best Images & GIFs Reacting To J.J. Abrams Directing ‘Star Wars’ |UPROXX|

This Week in Posters & Stills: A German Shepard in a Mask |Film Drunk|

Behold, The Lineup For Puppy Bowl IX! |With Leather|

UPROXX’s Ultimate Guide To Comics For Beginners, Part One |Gamma Squad|

Getting To Know Baauer By His 10 Best Remixes |Smoking Section|

A Company Is Selling Temporary Kaepernick Tattoos |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Read the rest of this entry »

3 Comments TAGS: , , , , , , , ,

The Sports WAG Feud That Absolutely Nobody Asked For: Linda Hogan Vs. Anna Welker

Written by Ashley Burns / 01.23.13

This week has already been highlighted by “news” that includes people accusing Beyonce of treason for lip-syncing the National Anthem, Manti Te’o playing the “What would you do?” game with Katie Couric, and Sheryl Crow, of all people, being dragged through the mud over Lance Armstrong admitting that he used PEDs, so I think it’s safe to say that this is quite the slow news week. But then, that’s what happens when you let those lazy football players take an extra week off before the Super Bowl.

Speaking of slow news and football players, I’m sure you’ve already read Wes Welker’s wife Anna’s less-than-favorable comments about Ray Lewis after the AFC Championship Game, in which she encouraged people to check out his lesser moments on his Wikipedia page. Of course, Anna (maiden name Burns, which means “fiery when drunk” in Irish) has since apologized, and we’ve heard very little from Lewis himself, making this almost a complete non-story.

That is, unless… yes, I think that’s… OH MAH GAWD, THAT’S LINDA HOGAN’S MUSIC!

Read the rest of this entry »

9 Comments TAGS: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Ray Lewis Is An Accessory To A Light Show

Written by Brandon Stroud / 01.15.13

Laser LewisIt’s the best thing to happen to laser shows since the South Park Planetarium did ‘Laser Loggins!’

Baltimore’s Marriott Waterfront in Harbor East has initiated a Ray Lewis Light Show on the side of the building. No, really – a laser show of his pre-game dance. (via Bob’s Blitz)

The dance (which is pretty well done) went up last Friday between 6 and 9, but YouTube locals assume it’ll keep going up, as long as the Baltimore Ravens keep winning. The Ravens/Patriots game doesn’t start until 6:30 PM on Sunday, so if you’re in the area, drive down to the harbor and take a look. And hey, if Laser Lewis isn’t happening, at least you’ll get to hear some local country rock bands and pay $45 for a bucket of wings.

After the jump, I’ve included OUR exclusive video of Ravens fans seeing the light show for the first time.

Read the rest of this entry »

1 Comment TAGS: , , , , , ,

Partnered With

Sign Up

Follow Us