It’s been a pretty rough year for Chicago Bears safety Brandon Meriweather. Back in March, the former New England Patriot was questioned by police in lovely Orlando, Florida, about a shooting that he was linked to outside of a bar in even lovelier Apopka. On Sept. 3, the Pats gave Meriweather the heave ho and the Bears decided they would take a chance on him. Spoiler alert: More bad press.

29-year old Biloxi, Mississippi resident James Roberts has been charged with rape and the venue of said heinous act was in Meriweather’s home in Foxboro, Massachusetts.

Police Chief Edward O’Leary, whose department investigated the allegation with state police assigned to the district attorney’s office, said the reported incident occurred in Meriweather’s home.

Meriweather has not been charged in the matter. “There has been no allegation against anyone but Roberts,” Traub said. (Via The Sun Chronicle)

Meriweather first made a name for himself when he was questioned after a shooting outside his home in South Florida while he was playing for the Miami Hurricanes. Meriweather shot at a man who had first fired at his roommate and teammate Willie Cooper, and the police found that Meriweather hadn’t done anything illegal. That same year, Meriweather was one of the players involved in the infamous on-field head-stomping fight between Miami and Florida International.

But while Meriweather has managed to maintain his innocence throughout controversy, he cannot escape his one true crime…

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The above image is an ESPN illustration from a Page 2 piece called “Charlie Sheen vs. Mike Tyson quote quiz”. Or “What If Mike Tyson Were White?”, I can’t remember.

Sheen once shot Kelly Preston in the arm with a revolver and enjoyed a 20-plus year career despite beating up more than one woman. Mike Tyson liked to drag his wife down the hallway by her hair and was convicted of rape. Now, the hilarious star of The Hangover is set to skewer America’s irrepressible bad boy in “The Roast of Charlie Sheen”! Because this is how the world should work!

From TMZ:

Cocaine … hangovers … and mug shots — Mike Tyson and Charlie Sheen are a match made in Comedy Central Roast heaven … and TMZ has learned Iron Mike is officially on board to skewer the Warlock next month.

Sources heavily involved with the Roast tell us … Mike will be on the dais on September 10 … along with Steve-O from “Jackass” … comic Anthony Jeselnik and Roast legend Jeff Ross.

I guess my first question is, “when did Jeff Ross become a ‘Roast legend’?” Doing something doesn’t really make you a legend at it. Second question, how sad is it when comic Anthony Jeselnik is the second biggest star appearing at your roast? Is it more or less sad than being less of a draw than Steve-O?

I think most people have moved on from our two-week obsession with drug-addled Charlie Sheen, so hopefully “The Comedy Central Roast Of” is just a ruse and they’re setting up a two-hour intervention where they berate him for being one of our nation’s most legitimate creeps. Best case scenario, Jeff Ross shows up with a stack of index cards with nothing but Chuck Norris jokes on them and uses them indiscriminately for the next five Comedy Central Roasts.

If you’re anything like me, you couldn’t care less about the snooze-fest that is college baseball. That being said, a few entertaining pieces of news from the sport will occasionally mosey their way down the ESPN ticker wire once and awhile. One such story broke last spring. Florida International’s Garrett Wittels got on an epic hit streak, eventually running up his tally of hits in consecutive games to 56, two behind the 58 game record set by Robin Ventura in 1987.

But Wittels now finds himself in a situation that has put both his chance at a record and anal virginity in jeopardy. After a trip to the Bahamas, Wittels and his two friends have returned home to the United States with rape convictions.

Garrett Wittels was accused of raping a 17-year-old teenage tourist on Dec. 20 while on a visit to the archipelago east of Florida. The 20-year-old infielder ended last season with the second-longest hitting streak in NCAA Division I history, two behind the 58-game run by Oklahoma State’s Robin Ventura in 1987.

Two of Wittels’ friends also face rape charges, officials said.

Robert Rothschild, 21, of New York, was accused of raping two 17-year-old girls, while Jonathan Oberti, 21, also of New York, was charged with raping one, according to Bahamian court officials. –USA Today

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The Georgia Bureau of Investigation just released a whole bunch of stuff from that Ben Roethlisberger investigation. In case you’ve been living under a rock, Roethlisberger was handed a 6-game suspension for an alleged sexual assault in a Milledgeville college bar last March. Photographs and video are already surfacing on the web, which is great because it means that I don’t have to read anything.

In addition to the party pictures, the GBI also released photos taken of the “Employees Only” bathroom in which Roethlisberger’s encounter with the woman occurred. Two images record a crime scene technician using a cotton swab to remove some unknown substance from a grimy bathroom wall. Other photos show Capital City’s VIP room, where Roethlisberger reportedly purchased a round of shots for women and announced, “All my bitches, take some shots.” –TSG [first link].

The 572-page report on the investigation was released in April. Roethlisberger has been allowed to rejoin the Pittsburgh Steelers for team activities during his suspension (and why not…it’s not like he’s going to rape them). Of course, we should probably point out that Roethlisberger was never charged for the assault. Nor was he charged with being a misogynist douchebag, which at the time of this writing is still legal in all 50 states.

Pro Football Hall-of-Famer, former “Dancing With The Stars” contestant and New York Giants legend Lawrence Taylor is now in the custody of the Ramapo (NY) Police Department earlier this morning. He must have been acting like a bunch of crazed dogs.

The 51-year-old former New York Giants linebacker was taken into custody by Ramapo police at the Holiday Inn off Airmont Road, Ramapo Police Detective Lt. Brad Weidel said

Taylor was being held in the town police lockup pending arraignment in Ramapo Justice Court this afternoon. He is being charged with third-degree rape, a charge that involves having intercourse with a minor.

Oh, just statutory rape? That doesn’t seem as bad as it sounds.

The victim was reportedly beaten during the attack.[..]

“She was a runaway since March and there was a pimp involved,” [a spokesman for RPD] said. “She got punched in the face. We’re not sure who did it.” –LoHud.

Oh that’s bad. And the girl was only 15 16. A lot of news of violence against women is coming out right now. Please, somebody get a DUI so we can finally shift away from being concerned about the ills of society. It’s making my head hurt. This would be tugging at my heartstrings if I actually had a heart.

The Paul Zeise Theory is about to be put into the test. Zeise was the Pittsburgh columnist who famously declared in 2007 that “Michael Vick would have been better off raping a woman” than abusing dogs, and we’re about to find out if that might actually be any shred of truth to that. While Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger was not formally charged, he’s getting grilled in the court of public opinion, thanks in large part to the notes of that Milledgeville (GA) case having been released to the media.

According to the documents, one of the woman’s sorority sisters told investigators that her friend “was dragged by a bodyguard to the back room in Capital (City, a local nightclub). She was extremely intoxicated and not aware of what was happening.” –AJC, via PFT.

The media line seems to be that Ben needs to “stop putting himself into these situations.” By “these situations,” I can only presume that they mean, “the vaginas of non-consenting women.” But the no-arrest call against Roethlisberger might have been the result of Milledgeville’s Finest shooting themselves in the foot before their investigation even began. Read the rest of this entry »