SOPA Is Incredibly Serious Business, Just Ask Kelly Brook In Lingerie

Written by Ashley Burns / 01.18.12

Thou shalt not steal. As Tim Tebow would tell us all, that’s one of the first laws written by man. As an Internet writer and avid Tweeter, I’m one of the first people you’ll hear pissing and moaning about thievery because I’ve had jokes, terrible photoshops and even With Leather posts stolen many times. But I’ve always chalked it up to the nature of the game because we’re all hustlers out here trying to make that cheddar, or something like that. My point is that I always credit my sources because I respect creative property and integrity. I just wish others shared that belief.

That’s how we’ve come to this whole SOPA mess. Despite what people are erroneously Tweeting as fast as they can type, it’s not about people who post sh*t on their Facebook, Twitter or Tumblr pages. Well, not entirely. It’s about the sites like the defunct ChannelSurfing.net and others that illegally stream sports games, TV shows and movies. It’s about the torrent sites that allow people to steal music and movies. It’s about sh*t that’s illegal and wrong. The Internet certainly needs laws and crap most certainly needs to be flushed.

But that doesn’t mean that us innocent folk aren’t going to get caught in the wake. I’m against SOPA because I don’t like the idea of giving networks and corporations the power to crush us just because they feel like it. All power needs limitations and I need to know there’s a difference between some dick in Europe giving away free movies and me posting a clip of Blake Griffin dunking. I also don’t like ignorant politicians who are blatantly lining their pockets trying to cram a bill down our throats because they doesn’t understand this wild, crazy Internet and they believe that we’re all young punk thieves, when we’re actually the last frontier of creativity.

SOPA and PIPA were created by wealthy people with hair trigger mentalities. Both bills have foundations that are understandable, but they are still allowing people with money to have control over the voices of us that have little to no means of defending ourselves. Basically, they could take away my right to criticize people. It’s not a certainty, but I’ll be damned if I’ll even allow someone to open the door to the idea of taking away my God-given right of calling someone a douchebag because that douchebag doesn’t like it.

That said, here are some pictures of Kelly Brook supporting New Look lingerie, because that’s what my Internet was meant to give us. I assume she did this both in opposition to SOPA and clothing.

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Here’s A Fun Idea: David Akers Is The NFL MVP

Written by Ashley Burns / 12.26.11

When this season’s awards are eventually given out, Aaron Rodgers is going to be the NFL’s Most Valuable Player. There will be compelling cases for his QB peers Tom Brady and Drew Brees, who will probably break Dan Marino’s passing record tonight. And many sports writers will cry foul that Ray Rice, who has been virtually silent about his contract situation with the Baltimore Ravens in the classiest way possible, deserves it for carrying the Baltimore Ravens to the playoffs. But having had more sleep in the past few days than I get in most months, my brain is firing off insane ideas today, including the argument that San Francisco 49ers kicker David Akers deserves to be NFL MVP. You read that right.

Trust me, I know how absurd this is and I deserve everyone calling me insane and throwing lit cigarettes at me, because in no universe should a kicker mean more to his team than a QB, RB or All-Pro linebacker. But the 49ers have had such an incredible season, seeing as most morons – *points to self* – figured this would be a cake walk year in the NFC West for the St. Louis Rams, who ended up being a bigger disappointment than Sucker Punch. Before you start lining up to give me atomic wedgies, though, let’s at least look at the numbers.

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Who Is To Blame For The Rioting?

Written by Ashley Burns / 06.17.11

I received some strong feedback from yesterday’s gallery of the rioting in Vancouver in the wake of the Canucks’ Game 7 loss in the Stanley Cup Finals. My original intention wasn’t to blame hockey fans for the disgusting display of violence and societal breakdown, because I know that there’s a deeper reason behind this riot and others that we’ve seen over the years. It’s not about sports as much as it’s about people just being generally unhappy.

Hold on, someone just threw a brick covered in feces through my window. Ah, apparently I’m wrong and the rioting is indeed the fault of sports fans. Male sports fans with tiny penises, to be precise.

“People invest themselves, their identity, very much in the sports clubs,” explained Professor Ervin Staub, a psychologist and the founder of the program in Psychology of Peace and Violence at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. “There is evidence that when a team loses, fans get a little depressed and when the team wins, they get a little high.”

Such biological effects, Staub explained, are directly linked to behaviors. Losers feel “diminished” and “powerless,” he said, and people then become tempted to “use destructive means rather than constructive means to regain one’s sense of effectiveness.” So they lash out. (Maybe the team lost, but I can bust a department store window!) (MSNBC)

To blame Vancouver’s riot solely on sports fans is lazy and unfair. This isn’t about thousands of young people being pissed off that the Canucks lost. Sure, it doesn’t help that they lost and it certainly gives people a good excuse to go out and get stupid, but this is about something so much bigger. All those people flipping cars, lighting fires, fighting each other, smashing windows and pillaging stores don’t give a crap about a hockey game. They’re pissed off at life.

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Dear Otis Smith, I’m Firing You

Written by Ashley Burns / 04.29.11

"Go pack my bags for me, Otis."

I didn’t bother with an NBA Round-Up today because we already knew what was going to happen – the Magic couldn’t maintain consistency and the Lakers would win. Happy birthday, David Stern. But instead of blaming the commish or the refs, I’m going to take this opportunity to share with you the actual letter that I, an Orlando Magic season ticket holder, have penned and mailed to Magic GM Otis Smith. I thought it would be fun to share my thoughts on the season, his tenure and the future of the franchise with the guy who I routinely give money to. And now you as well.

And yes, I’m well aware this is pointless and arrogant, but I’m pissed off so I does what I does.

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Bully’s Mom Wants Victim’s Apology

Written by Ashley Burns / 03.17.11

Thanks to round-the-clock news that focuses on news that shouldn’t really be focused on, we know considerably more about Casey, AKA Zangief’s Son, AKA Kid Zangief, AKA Casey the Punisher, AKA that kid who body slammed the bejesus out of that stupid kid who was picking on him. Casey Heynes is a Year 10 student at Chifley College’s Dunheved Campus in Australia, and his tormentor was a younger student named Ritchard Gale. According to numerous reports, both students were suspended for 4 days (one report claimed that Gale was suspended for 17 days), and despite Casey’s evident case of self defense, the school’s officials claimed that they have a zero tolerance policy on any kind of fighting. Even Foxy Boxing? Damn, I thought you were cool, Australia.

While Casey’s parents have expressed their concern over their son becoming an instant worldwide hero – coincidentally during the same week as Australia’s National Day of Action Against Bullying and Violence tomorrow (the focus is ironically bystanders, presumably with video cameras) – it is Gale’s mother who has come out and demanded an apology from Casey.

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Did LeBron James Make A Bad Decision?

Written by Ashley Burns / 03.09.11

That Tweet above earned Fort Worth Star-Telegram writer Dwain Price a Top Tweet on Sunday (I have five to my record, but who is counting?) and his statement is now moot, because with the Miami Heat’s 105-96 loss to the Portland Trail Blazers at home last night, it is now impossible for LeBron James’ South Beach talents to finish with a better regular season record than his 2009-10 Cleveland Cavaliers. With 18 games left on the schedule, the Heat would have to win all of them to match the Cavs’ 61-21 record from last year. And with the resurgent Los Angeles Lakers and the red hot Memphis Grizzlies up next, I’m going to assume that’s not happening.

So as the Heat have dropped five straight, coach Erik Spoelstra admitted to the media that his players cried after losing to the Chicago Bulls on Sunday and then blamed the media for reporting it, and Orlando Magic coach Stan Van Gundy is suddenly praised for his remarks about the Heat, it appears to be time to ask the big question – did LeBron make the wrong decision by choosing the Heat over staying in Cleveland and fulfilling his promise of winning a championship? And while the immediate answer is no, because he still has 18 games left to at least tie the Cavs’ NBA-best regular season record last year – oh, and the playoffs, of course – the question is going to be raised by everyone now. I’m just trying to prepare you.

Highlights of last night’s game after the jump…

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