Now that I finally have my calendar organized and I know which UFC events are taking place on which dates, let’s get excited for some free UFC fights, shall we? Tomorrow at 1 PM ET, UFC on FUEL 9 will come at us live from Stockholm, where former Strikeforce champ Gegard Mousasi will make his UFC debut against… Ilir Latifi. Obviously, a lot of people are pissed off about this change, as Mousasi was supposed to fight hometown hero Alexander Gustafsson, who would win in front of his hot blonde female fans and possibly take on Jon Jones next.

Then Gustafsson suffered a cut under his eye, and despite Dana White’s prayers and sacrifices to the Bro Gods, it was too deep to allow him to fight at FUEL 9. Enter Latifi, and at least I’ve had a blast pronouncing Mousasi and Latifi for the past 24 hours. And while I still don’t know why we couldn’t at least get Gunnar Nelson added to the card – I just can’t live without his love and affection – there is still plenty to look forward to.

Namely, Ryan Couture’s UFC debut. It’s special for a number of reasons, but mostly because:

1. His name.
2. The person he got that name from, his father and UFC legend Randy Couture, is one of his coaches and is banned from UFC events because White is Roger Goodell in an Affliction shirt.
3. Ryan’s other coach, Neil Melanson, also won’t be there because of his reason hospitalization.

Talk about stacked odds.

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The cast of Expendables 37, minus Vin Diesel and Jonathan Lipnicki.

Last week, Randy Couture inspired the national Mixed Martial Arts media to declare a collective, “What the f*ck, bro?” when he announced that he had signed a partnership deal with Bellator and Spike TV to be a coach on Fight Master: Bellator MMA. Couture, of course, is most widely associated with the UFC because, you know, he helped bring it to the forefront of American sports culture and he served as the face of the promotion for 15 years.

So you can imagine that UFC President Dana White wasn’t too happy with Couture’s new gig, enough that he proclaimed that Couture couldn’t even buy a ticket to a UFC event anymore. Of course that poses a bit of a personal problem for Couture, as his son Ryan now fights in the UFC and would like his father in his corner. Naturally, Randy would like that as well.

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Randy Couture hasn’t fought since he announced his retirement before losing to Lyoto Machida in the second round at UFC 129 in April 2011, but he’s done just fine since that sad day. For instance, did you know that Couture’s latest film, The Expendables 2, opens nationwide today? Some critics *points to self* are already calling it the greatest sequel in the history of motion pictures, and the only reason it’s not the best film ever is because it’s impossible to be better than The Expendables. But that’s a different story for a different day (that day being Monday when it is announced that Expendables 2 has already grossed $6 trillion billion zillion).

Now as Couture is out promoting the greatest sequel ever made, of course the question will be asked – will you ever fight again? And that’s a very stupid question, because of course the answer is no. Wait, what? The answer is yes?

“No, I think everything I set out to do, I managed to pull off, and it has been an amazing journey for 15 years,” Couture said when speaking to G4TV’s Attack of the Show on Wednesday.

“Not unless (Steven) Seagal wants to sign up,” Couture answered with a smile and a laugh. (Via MMA Weekly)

A lot of people think that the laugh implies that he was joking, that he wouldn’t actually fight Seagal. But I need to remind those people that it was Seagal that claimed to have taught Machida the front jump kick that ended Couture’s career, so maybe Couture secretly harbors a desire to get revenge on the greatest sensei in the history of mixed martial arts – you know, according to Seagal.

Then again, it’s not like there’s legitimate bad blood between Couture and Seagal, as if Seagal called him “a flaming tickle twat with the fists of 1,000 little girls”. Unless that would make Couture actually want to fight him, in which case I totally heard Seagal say that, bro.

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WWE’s Brock Lesnar lost his first UFC fight, amassed a 5-3 record, got a terrible case of diverticulitis and was retired back into pro wrestling via TKO helplessness by Cain Velasquez and Alistair Overeem. Because of this, 5-time champion Randy Couture believes Lesnar deserves a spot alongside him in the UFC Hall of Fame. Wait, sorry, I think I copy-pasted that in wrong.

Hold on, let me check the video:

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As UFC 118 approaches, the headlining rematch between BJ Penn and Frankie Edgar for the Lightweight Championship has taken a back seat to the intriguing debut of former heavyweight boxer James Toney. In what UFC President Dana White has called a “circus act,” Toney will take on UFC Hall-of-Famer Randy Couture, showcasing a clash of styles between Toney’s powerful punches and Couture’s atrocious acting.

But Toney’s style may be a bit more technical than casual MMA fans like myself are expecting, as he’s brought in Trevor Sherman to teach him how to fight against and break “Brazilian locks.” Who is Trevor Sherman, you ask? He’s the man who teaches FBI agents how to fight with their bare hands. He’s also the man who has never trained a MMA fighter before, but he says that he’s impressed with how quickly Toney has picked up his teaching. Well I’m sold, now if only there was a video of Sherman’s teaching styles after the jump…

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According to James Toney, James Toney loves to fight. The former boxer became the sport’s Middleweight and Super Middleweight champion has decided to take his love of fighting to UFC. He was at UFC 116 this weekend, promoting his fight against Randy Couture at UFC 118 on August 28th, and gave a very entertaining interview.

Some say that Toney will have difficulty transferring his skills in the ring to the octagon, but Toney has some very choice words for the haters, and a special message for Randy. Without giving too much away, James questions the sexuality of his detractors in many different ways. Video after the jump, but some language may be NSFW. Read the rest of this entry »