I hate the term “posterized”. Like “awesome” for good things and “ginger” for anyone with red hair, it’s become an easy catch-all term to describe every single dunk that happens. So Bismack Biyombo dunked. So what? Dude’s like 6-9, I don’t think the Costacos Brothers are rushing to put dress him like the German Kriegsmarine for a SINKING OF THE BISMACK poster. If the NBA printed a poster for every posterization we’d be living in the world of the Lorax.

What I’m getting at is that Tim Duncan didn’t “posterize” the Birdman during Sunday’s Nuggets/Spurs game … he novelized him. It starts with exposition (“this is a basketball game, Chris Andersen is trying to play defense on contextual grandpa Tim Duncan), continues on through to the rising action (“Tim Duncan hits Birdman in the face with a basketball”) toward a logical climax (“lol, he just got hit in the face with a ball AND dunked on”). The falling action could literally be Duncan coming down after the dunk, and the resolution is that the entire Internet can laugh about how pathetic he made a guy look.

The moment has been captured in glorious animated gif form below, courtesy of SBN by way of CJZero.com.

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We’ve all been there. What started as a healthy discussion has deteriorated into whoever disagrees with you quoting three paragraphs of your text and dissecting it line by line, sending you into a furious hand-jive that ends with namecalling and hurt feelings. A few days later people are posting “lol this thread” and everybody involved ends up looking stupid, so you shake hands and move on with your lives. That’s a big part of Internet culture (anonymity + discussion platform = saying things you regret), but hopefully not a lot of the people Fire Joe Morganning your thoughts are spokesmen for an NFL Team.

Enter: Pat Hanlon, New York Giants spokesman and budding trollface.

The summary of last night’s events, via Pro Football Talk:

Some of that perception remains, but Giants spokesman Pat Hanlon has been doing his best to blur those lines one tweet at a time. He regularly mocks the Jets, and took to Twitter Wednesday night to counter the perception from Giants fans the team is falling apart.

What follows is a tweet-by-tweet rundown of what a professional spokesman thinks constitutes “countering a perception”.

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A day after video surfaced of Shaquille O'Neal's freestyle rap belittling former teammate Kobe Bryant, Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has stripped the Suns center of his special deputy badge.  Arpaio cited Shaq's foul language and use of the N-word in his explanation.

"I want his two badges back," Arpaio told The Associated Press on Tuesday. "Because if any one of my deputies did something like this, they're fired. I don't condone this type of racial conduct." [...]

Arpaio, who describes himself as "America's Toughest Sheriff" and is best known for feeding jail inmates green bologna, clothing them in pink underwear, and making them work on chain gangs, said he didn't expect his actions would teach Shaq a lesson.

Arpaio's also the guy who deals with overcrowded jails by making inmates sleep in tents, and he also put the fear of God into anyone who even mentioned driving home drunk during Super Bowl week this past February.  He's basically a Wild West sheriff, just kicking ass and throwing people in jail.  Earlier in his career, Arpaio would've tied Shaq to his horse then smacked the horse on the ass to make it run directly off a cliff.  Those were the days, friends.  Those.  Were.  The days.