From ESPN’s Page 2, without any context or exposition:

ESPN has unveiled the opening video for the NBA Playoffs on ESPN and ABC, featuring a cover of Led Zeppelin’s “Black Dog” by Jason Bonham’s Led Zeppelin Experience, featuring Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls.

Of course, this cover is from Scherzinger’s fourth album, Pussycat Dolls IV, also known as the “four symbols” album, also known as “HoSo.” It is maybe the worst thing to happen to Led Zeppelin since Jimmy Page passionately played guitar in front of Puff Daddy and Godzilla. It’s the worst thing to happen to sports hype videos since the NFL used “Buttons” in a Ben Roethlisberger highlight video.

According to Wikipedia, the song “Black Dog” is about the “desperate desire for a woman’s love and the happiness resulting thereby.” Maybe this would’ve worked better as a WNBA playoff theme? Does the WNBA have playoffs? I’m guessing they used it because of the whole “the way you move makes me groove” line, like when Royal Caribbean cruise line used Iggy Pop’s “Lust for Life” because the phrase “lust for life” makes it sound like you’re excited about life.

The Chicago Bulls defeated the defending NBA Champion Miami Heat this afternoon to complete a First Round sweep and knock the Heat out of the Playoffs.  This series clearly showed that United Airlines and their palatial United Center is mightier than American Airlines and their paltry Miami arena.  If Gershwin's "Rhapsody in Blue" didn't prove it to you before, United is the way to fly sexy readers.  I heard they offer discount flights for sexy assistant sportsblog editors who have to fly to Dublin for emergency weddings.  (How about it UA?  I can shill for you all day long.)  Anyway, I think the Bulls will play the Pistons, who swept the Orland Magic, in the Conference Semifinals.  I'm not sure though because this new NBA seeding system where #5s receive home court advantage still confuses me.  Every time someone attempts to explain it to me, my eyes glaze over just as they did when the lovely Sister Mary Therese tried to tutor me in Algebra.  (Rumors that I "spoiled" her are unfounded!)

In other hot NBA action today:

Smush Parker just took an ill-advised three against the Suns.  Phoenix leads Lakers in the series 2-1, soon to be 3-1. UPDATE: Suns win, 113-100. 23 assists is a lot.

Toronto prepares to even the series against New Jersey later today by employing some vigorous cross-checking.  UPDATE: Leafs Raptors lose, 102-81.  Their Power Play was invisible.

Baron Davis' enchanted beard will try to lead the Warriors to a 3-1 advantage over the highly-favored Mavericks tonight.  UPDATE: Warriors upset Mavs, 103-99.  This game was so enthralling, I could barely look at pics of Jessica Alba.

Finally, can't ABC just show the burlesque skills of the lovely Pussycat Dolls until the fourth quarters of these games? -KD