Gross song lyric, Chad.

Links

Nickelback Feels Your Hate And Is Desperately Trying To Win You Over, Internet - “Not making any more music” and “giving me lots of money” are the only two ways I’m going to back Nickelback. [UPROXX]

Grantland Network Podcast: The Masked Man on WWE Survivor Series - David Shoemaker gets a big leagues wrestling podcast, and I’m lucky enough to appear on the first ever episode. Does this mean I’m friends with Bill Simmons by proxy? [Grantland]

The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 11/21 - Hey, go read this and comment on it if you haven’t already. It was good this week. Also, that picture of AJ = holy crap. [With Leather]

The NBA Lockout Is Hurting Prostitution - A joke about LeBron James going to the Miami Heat. Also, less a horrible statement about black people and more a horrible statement about rich people. [Smoking Section]

Errol Morris’s JFK Assassination Short: The Umbrella Man - Gates of Heaven is one of my very favorite movies of all time, so I’ll watch anything Errol Morris does, even if it’s about the goddamn Kennedy assassination again. [Film Drunk]

Want Some Amazing Spider-Man Set Photos? - Sure. Are these the ones where Bryce Dallas Howard is suddenly Gwen Stacy again? [Gamma Squad]

Gordon Ramsay’s Sex Advice - Sex advice from the only person in the world I’d like to have sex with less than Guy Fieri. [Warming Glow]

15 Songs You Always Knew, But Never Knew The Names Of - This is a really fun list, but some are too easy. Like I’m not going to know something that was from 2001 AND was Ric Flair’s entrance theme. Also, “Powerhouse” by Raymond Scott (aka “cartoon assembly line music”) needs to be on the list. [Buzzfeed]

And Now, Some Thanksgiving Stuff

The Shocking Truth About Thanksgiving - Like a Dave Barry column written by the Internet. [Adult Swim]

8 Wacky Presidential Turkey Pardon Moments - If I were President, all I’d do is pardon turkeys. We’d go to war and I couldn’t participate because I’m busy printing out all this bullsh*t paperwork about holiday joshing. [The FW]

What Is The Greatest Thanksgiving Movie Of All Time? - My kneejerk response was “Planes, Trains and Automobiles?” and thank God I was right. Great holiday movies should also be great every-other-day movies. [FARK]

Top 10 Reasons Why Thanksgiving Eve Is the Best Bar Night of the Year - I’m sad I didn’t completely Tucker Max my life and get into bar culture, I feel like I’m missing out on a whole avenue of writer sadness. [BroBible]

Thanksgiving Food Pyramid - My personal Thanksgiving food pyramid goes “canned cranberry sauce, Tofurky roast, that one brand of vegan macaroni and cheese that doesn’t taste like somebody barfed on a plastic tray”. [High Definite]

Newly forged icon among men Kevin Provencher will serve two and a half years in prison after being found guilty of running a prostitution ring in Salem, Mass., Superior Court Friday. I never heard if the male-dominated Massachusetts press referred to this as the Salem B:tch Trials, because that title, while horrible, is quite snappy.

Provencher worked 23 years for the Manchester, N. H., Union Leader prior to his arrest in July of 2009. He is a four-time winner of the New Hampshire Sportswriter of the Year award from the National Sportscasters and Sportswriters Association.

His attorney asked the judge to sentence Provencher to probation instead of jail, saying he had no previous criminal record and only started his “side business” to make up for a reduction in his sportswriter’s salary that resulted from the newspaper industry’s economic woes.

Prosecutor Melissa Woodward…said the women earned $240 per hour or $150 per half-hour and would pay Provencher in cash or by depositing the money in his bank account in 2008 and 2009.

–CNHI.

Glad to hear that entrepreneurial spirit is alive and well in the Northeast. Those student loans aren’t gonna pay themselves off, ya know.

An Ohio high school football coach was busted in a prostitution ring. Todd Allen Pooch, 36, of the 500 block of Liberty Drive in Huron was one of three men arrested for running a sadomasochistic fetish parlor. Jeez, that’s the government for you. Always hurting small businesses.

Acting on a tip about a prostitution ring operating in the 3500 block of Ninevah Road in Greenwich, deputies went to that address on Sept. 1 and arrested Douglas E. Lucas, 53, Huron County Sheriff’s Capt. Ted Patrick said.

With a search warrant, they also seized items used in sexual role-playing, such as neckties, ropes and dog accessories.

At least one 47-year-old woman was allegedly working as a prostitute in Lucas’ home at the time, though she hasn’t been charged.

Lucas faces a fourth-degree felony for solicitation. He was released from jail after posting bond the day after his arrest. –Sandusky Register.

Oh come on. Who among us hasn’t been anally penetrated with a whip handle while having a tennis ball strapped into his mouth? That sort of Puritan prudishness might fly in Huron County, but I’ll have no part of that, thank you very much. I’ll be spending time with my good lady in a way that I see fit…just as soon as I get back from the hardware store.

WEEKDAY PICKS: Ravens (pick) over JETS. Chargers -4 over CHIEFS.

Lines for today’s picks can be found at BetUS.com

I fully support AshleyMadison.com

AM founder Noel Biderman sent a letter to the CEO at New Meadowlands — obtained by TMZ — declaring, “At this stage, we are prepared to make a preliminary offer … of $25,000,000 for the Naming Rights for a five-year term.”

He adds, if the stadium gets better offers, “We would be pleased to match any such superior offer.” –TMZ Sports

25 million over a five-year period is chump change compared to some of the league’s larger stadium contracts. Houston’s Reliant Stadium tops the list with a deal that banks 300 million dollars over 32 years. Obviously, because everything is bigger and crazier in Texas.

New York-New Jersey seems like as good a place as any to take the AshleyMadison.com namesake, as the two states have the country’s highest concentration of guidos. If I somehow found myself waking up next to Snookie every morning, I’d have to cheat on my wife. That, or I’d gouge out my eyes and commit harikari. Will Ferell commits harikari after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

The cheapest little whorehouse in Berlin is offering customers a seven percent discount for johns that show up via bicycle. So a 45-minute “session” would run someone roughly $93 US instead of $100 US. It’s days like today that I’m so happy that prostitution is legal somewhere…

“We have around 3-5 new customers coming in daily to take advantage of the discount,” he said, adding the green rebate has helped alleviate traffic and parking congestion in the neighbourhood.

Germany is one of the few countries in the world where prostitution is legal. It has about 400,000 prostitutes who, since 2002, have been allowed to enter formal labour contracts. via

If you thought you were having it tough in These Trying Economic Times, just be grateful that you’re not a prostitute. Do you have any idea how expensive it is for guys to cheat on their wives or girlfriends these days? And for the rates these call girls are asking, it’s cheaper for us to just to get into an unsatisfying relationship with a woman. Or so my friends tell me. Well, other people’s friends… via