Taco Bell has decided to follow up last year’s 2010 MLB postseason Mariano Rivera “closer” spots with San Francisco Giants reliever and self-proclaimed funniest man to ever live Brian Wilson. The results are about what you’d expect. Personal opinion of Wilson’s humor aside, you’d think they’d want someone who was actually in the playoffs for these commercials, wouldn’t you? How awesome would it be for a guy to be all “whew, can’t finish this XXL Chalupa” and Kyle Farnsworth comes running it, knocks it out of his hands and beats the sh*t out of him?

Today’s Dugout features the extended version of the commercial unsuitable for television broadcast because it contains harsh language, incorrect references to classic literature and an ingredient list for what’s actually in an XXL Chalupa. Reader discretion is advised.

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Following up a story from a few weeks ago, the residents of Fremont, Nebraska can finally breathe a heavy sigh of relief. They’re world record holders.

The Guinness Book of World Records has declared that the disgusting 1,652-pound pile of Spam on a giant piece of bread qualifies as the world’s largest open-faced sandwich, barely beating out Somalia’s dust on a cracker.

Mayor Scott Getzschman said his city recently received word that the 1,652-pound Spam sandwich – or “Spamwich” – created July 9 as part of the John C. Fremont Days celebration has been certified by the Guinness World Records.

“I’m excited for Fremont and I’m excited for Don Cunningham who organized the event,” Getzschman said. “It took quite a bit of planning.”

Getzschman said Cunningham and his wife, Nan, hand delivered the documentation for the sandwich to Guinness officials while on a vacation to London. The previous record holder was a 1,337-pound pork sandwich created by Moore’s Bar-B-Que in New Bern, N.C. (Via Omaha World Herald)

After London, Cunningham is also going to swing by Beirut to discuss the world’s largest dump that the town took after finishing the sandwich.

So is that the worst of the world record news for this week? You wish. Each week, I sort through this news out of my own personal fascination over what people will do for fame. And I fear I will never build immunity to the shock that each new week delivers. See for yourself after the jump.

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Snowflake can't even bear to look.

This is an image of the elbow laceration that Golden State Warriors forward David Lee has been playing with for the past month. Yeah, it’s pretty much just a hole, which might be great at parties if it wasn’t, you know, a gusher.

“It hurt really badly after (Tuesday’s) game,” Lee said before Wednesday’s game. “It was a blood bath when I took my elbow pad and tape off. The wound itself really isn’t improving too much, because I’m continuing to play on it. But at this point, it’s either that or sitting out. I’m not sitting out.”

–San Jose Mercury News

Lee can thank the teeth of the Knicks’ Wilson Chandler for the extra orafice (video of that on the next page) after those two entities collided on November 10th. Pretty gruesome. Oh and hey, the Heat won again last night. And there’s your NBA post for December (That’s a joke; we have at least two more NBA posts coming. Don’t email me.).

Img via @GSWscribe, via @CRM_STephen.

If I were in charge of programming for a major network and someone came to me with two pitches and said, “OK, we’ve got a show featuring Jeff Dunham and his puppets or we have a dude challenging his dog to an eating contest”, you’d think the choice would be pretty simple, right? Unfortunately, while so much crap gets the green light on TV these days, the real treasures remain on YouTube. I don’t have much more to set this clip up with other than – A dude challenges his dog to an eating contest.

Epic immortal showdown after the jump.

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Troy Polamau might have a second career as a hockey table. As a promotion for a shampoo brand, somebody decided to make an air hockey table…out of human hair. Gross. via Copyranter.

In retrospect, Hungarian weightlifter Janos Baranyai probably should have tried to snatch a little less than 326 pounds.  Hee hee, "snatch"!

[The Sporting Blog]