As you may know, the Houston Texans cheerleaders are my favorite. They’re a fun bunch of ladies who aren’t afraid to Fandango on the Internet between the Monday Fandango was cool and the Monday he was violently ruined.

Here they are hanging out with the 41st President of the United States, George H.W. Bush, and his amazing, amazing socks. Look at those things. I bet even Derrick Bateman doesn’t own socks that patriotic.

President George H.W. Bush recently spent some time with the Houston Texans Cheerleaders and a few photos and videos were snapped. The former President was on hand to present roses to the newest selected 2013-2014 Houston Texans Cheerleaders. The President presented each of the 35 girls with a red rose, and also had time to thank the ones who visited him while he was in the hospital recently. (via Next Impulse Sports)

All political preferences and discussion aside, this is sweet. Here’s the follow-up picture, featuring George making a perfectly reasonable face to be made around a Houston Texans cheerleader whether you’ve been the leader of the free world or not.

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Brandon is currently gallivanting around Austin, TX for SXSW, hopefully crop-dusting the “homeless hotspots” for me, so in the meantime you’ll have to make do with me and my top bunkmate Danger Guerrero this week. We promise we’ll keep our PDAs to a minimum.

In the meantime, you can go to President Barack Obama’s website and fill out your March Madness bracket to see if you can beat his predictions. Anyone who beats him gets ultimate bragging rights, but everyone who loses has to chip in and raise $13 trillion, so be sure to read the fine print.

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As I pointed out last week, President Barack Obama just loves having sports champions visit him at the White House, so it came as no surprise when the St. Louis Cardinals popped in yesterday to be honored for winning the 2011 World Series. As he does with all of his champion guests, Obama praised the Cardinals for a variety of reasons, but most notably he called them the greatest comeback team in baseball history. Then I giggled and ordered the Cardinals World Series DVD on Amazon.

But the real talk of yesterday’s visit was the people who were missing from this celebration, including the Cardinals’ former manager Tony LaRussa and Albert Pujols, who said that he wouldn’t leave the Cardinals over a difference of a few million dollars a year but then left the Cardinals over a difference of a few million dollars a year. Also missing were Gold Glove catcher Yadier Molina and pitcher Adam Wainwright, who can do whatever they please, as well as error machine Ryan Theriot, who is no longer a Cardinal and can therefore go take a poop on the moon.

After the jump you can watch the highlights of Obama’s brilliant speech about how the Cardinals are the greatest team in the history of sports and how Pujols is the devil and will be locked up for the rest of his life at Guantanamo Bay (at least that’s what I took away from it) or you can watch the whole thing here. Either way, at least check out Barry O-Bomb’s hilarious domestic violence joke, because we should all laugh at women beating their husbands with bats.

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Sports

Daunte Culpepper to Resurrect the 49ers? - It’s weird to grow up during a time when a team is winning championships and everyone loves them, then fast forward twenty years and see those same people cheering for whoever wins now. I knew about 50 49ers fans when I was in elementary school, and I don’t know a damn one now. [Smoking Section]

I’m Here To Help You Guys: The KSK Fantasy/Sex Mailbag - Seeing somebody with the handle “Footsteps Falco” makes me revisit how terrible an idea it was to call myself “Brandon” on this blog. I should’ve picked something crazy and/or from Super Smash Brothers. Also, my real name is Jeff. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

John Gotty’s Top 20 Sneakers of All Time - Sneakers count as sports. My list would just be “Vans shoes, but those aren’t really sneakers” and “the blue and black Shaq shoes that looked like crap and were made out of the same sh*t they use to make snow shovels”. Oh, and British Knights. [Smoking Section]

The Rock Tweets a Photo from the Set of GI Joe 2 - Also technically not sports, watch as a living action figure pretending to be an action figure shows everybody what he looks like as an action figure. The results? He kinda looks like Stone Cold Steve Austin. [Moviefone]

With Leather

The Best and Worst of WWE Raw 8/15 - The new trend in Best and Worst of Raw feedback is to say “be careful you don’t do [random writing thing], or you’ll end up terrible like [other person who writes]“. One guy told me I was too much like Bill Simmons. Man, if I could get that rich and oblivious writing jokes about wrestling I’d do it in a heartbeat. [With Leather]

Jason Hatcher Gets Stuck In An Elevator - Nothing really happens, but the idea of a pro football player being so upset about an elevator malfunction that he repeatedly tweets about how he’s shaking his head is hilarious. This is a quick read, so flip through it. [With Leather]

JIM THOME POSSESSES 600 TATERS - I ALMOST WROTE PROSSESSED INSTEAD OF POSSESSED BUT DIDN’T THINK OUR READERSHIP WOULD BE THAT FAMILIAR WITH CASTLED VANIA. (yes, there is a Dugout about this on the way) [With Leather]

It Must Suck to Be Sergio Garcia - In addition to being as happy as Bill Simmons, my career goal as a blogger is to do something notable enough to have four orange, boney MILFs follow me around in public. It might put me through a second puberty. [With Leather]

Not Sports

Stacey Carosi Got Fired (And Bonus Kelly Kapowski GIF Collection) - My girlfriend loves “Saved By The Bell” so much that she owns the entire run of the show on DVD (including the College Years) but refuses to watch the beach episodes. She hates them, and rightfully argues that Saved By The Bell is stupid if they aren’t in school. So what I’m saying is Stacy can get f**ked. [Warming Glow]

Help Name Kevin Smith’s Fans! - There are some unbelievably fantastic choices in the comments for this, including “The People Who Always Look Like They’re Going To Comic Con” and “Ordinary Clown Posse”. My submission is “people I was friends with ten years ago”. [Film Drunk]

U.S. Presidents Have Never Been More Awesome Than in the Art of Jason Heuser - These are great, though I feel the world has been a little too influenced by that picture of Bea Arthur choking out a velociraptor. Now everything’s gotta be bad-ass and irreverent. Does anybody paint Abraham Lincoln these days if they AREN’T planning on making him fight monsters? [Gamma Squad]

10 Formerly Fat Actors Who Need to Go Back to Being Fat - Sara Rue should be on this list. I don’t care how confident you are about Jenny Craig, you were way cuter when you were chubby, and my copy of Gypsy 83 confirms it. [Pajiba]

VIDEO: Foul ball lands near President Bush: MyFoxORLANDO.com

I’m terrible at political humor. Here’s a video of President George W. Bush almost getting hit in the face with a foul ball. It missed him, but Bush swiftly combatted the threat by sending tens of thousands of soldiers into the Rangers Ballpark, where they will remain for the next ten years. That’s pretty good. Now for the Conservative joke! Here’s a video of President George W. Bush almost getting hit in the face with a foul ball. A ball also got hit toward Barack Obama, but he couldn’t decide whether or not to let it hit him. And now, a ragtime parody song!

The best part of the video has got to be Nolan Ryan’s wife freaking the hell out and covering her head in terror as though she’s never seen a baseball in her life. The Bushes react like most people would, a mix of “oh cool a ball is coming toward us” and “oh sh** a ball is coming toward us.” Nolan just calmly tries to catch it. Is there any way we could convince Nolan Ryan to be our President? I don’t care if he has a chain of beef restaurants, I’d trust him with my life.

[H/T Sportress]