If you weren’t taking inventory of your beef jerky and pornography for the rapture on Saturday, there’s a good chance that you tuned into the 136th annual Preakness Stakes to see Shackleford out-horse the rest of this year’s equine contenders. Shackleford notably surrendered the lead to Animal Kingdom at the Kentucky Derby earlier this year, and it appeared to be déjà vu all over again as Kingdom made a late run at the Preakness title. But Shackleford held Kingdom off to eliminate any hopes of a Triple Crown win this year, so now we can talk about what really matters – girls in bikinis.

Everyone knows that the real Preakness highlights take place at the infield party, and this year’s party was off the chain, hook and any other slang terms that the kids use these days. Not only could you check out the ladies of the 2011 Jagermeister International Bikini Contest, but you could also stalk hang out with infield hostess and former WWE star Stacy Keibler, as well as enjoy music by Bruno Mars and Train. Did I say enjoy? Sorry, that was careless of me.

There were also plenty of sort-of-celebrities in attendance, and the Baltimore Sun’s extensive Preakness coverage captured all of the action, including the bikinis and celebs.

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I guess we should do a post on the Preakness, seeing as there’s been a bit of a hullabaloo about this lady horse being favored to win. But some people at the Louisville Courier-Whatzitcalled are worried that everyone’s gonna think of Eight Belles again if something TERRIBLE HAPPENS OH MY GAWD, NO! (via GameOn):

She’s not only the 8-5 Preakness morning-line favorite, she’s also instant adrenaline for horse racing, the next great thing to turn the heads of casual fans.

Unless …

Unless the tragic memories are stirred again about Eight Belles and Ruffian, who both suffered fatal injuries while running against colts.

Women. Can’t live with ‘em. Can’t hop on their backs and ride them for nine-and-a-half furlongs. Oh, yeah, I guess that’s an image of Sarah Jessica Parker there and not a horse. That’s an honest mistake on my part and I’ll fix it right away. Shortly. Maybe.

According to my watch, the Preakness Stakes begins in thirty minutes, so here's your clairvoyant assistant editor's prediction for a superfecta winner:

1. Circular Quay (currently 5-1) —  Quay is the Irish (or British) way of saying dock.  Sure it's quaint, but it if you don't know what it means, it makes it extremely difficult to find where the prostitutes are.
2. Street Sense  (currently 7-5) — Sadly we won't have a Triple Crown winner this year.  Carl Yastremski will live in the national consciousness for at least one more year.
3. Hard Spun (currently 4-1) — Is this a reference to yarn or The Price is Right?  Either way, St. Tommy took the form of a bottle of Jameson and told me this equine would show.
4. Flying First Class (currently 13-1) — Don't you love it when rich people think they're witty by flaunting their wealth? 

Now hurry and speed off to your local OTB.  If you get pulled over, tell the cops I told you it was OK to ignore traffic laws.  Police love me.  And if you were wondering what the drink accompanying this classic event is, apparently it's warm wine imbibed from a bag, expertly shown by the lovely Jasmine. -KD

UPDATE: Whoa, that's a little spooky huh?  St. Thomas Aquinas actually transmogrified into a green bottle of goodness and is correctly picking winners.  I can't wait to meet the Devil's Advocate from the Vatican and share this miracle with him.  Officially, Curlin won, Street Sense placed, and Hard Spun showed with CP West finishing just out of the money.  A $1 superfecta wager paid $340.30, and I should have just placed a show bet because now I have to pawn my genuine platinumique Casio timekeeper.