Quarterbacking is serious business, especially when you’re a junior in college. So when your teammates fall over like fainting goats to prank you because they think it’d be funny, you gotta SPIKE THAT BALL and RUN AWAY.

That’s what Bryn Renner did. Brynner. He became a reasonable level of enraged when his teammates tried to have fun, took off his helmet, ran downfield and refused to high-five any of them when he went back into the huddle. You see, Brynner is not here to play games. If you’re going to be a goat in Bryn Renner’s presence, you’d better be a goat on all four legs goddammit.

The clip:

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Here’s Montreal Canadiens rookie Nathan Beaulieu skating a solemn lap by himself while his team stands back and chuckles at him, helpfully reminding us that you shouldn’t believe anything you read, see, or someone tells you from yesterday morning until like, tomorrow evening. April Fools Day is the worst, and no matter how cool an idea sounds today, let somebody ELSE lead the team out onto the ice. (via IASID)

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Links

‘Hot Girl Yoga Happy Hour’ Video Is Really Popular And We Have No Idea Why |UPROXX|

The Best Zombie Kill GIFs From Each Season 3 Episode Of ‘The Walking Dead’ |Warming Glow|

SUPERCUT: ‘The Howling Fat Men of the Coen Brothers’ |Film Drunk|

Parents Are Really Upset Over This Victoria’s Secret Spring Break Ad |With Leather|

Predicting EA’s Next Justifications For SimCity’s Always-Online Requirement |Gamma Squad|

40 Etherous Facts About Your Favorite Rappers As Told To Us By Google |Smoking Section|

NFL players as superheroes |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Well, it’s pretty obvious now that the last post about a huge, bubbling UFC conspiracy was a piece of satire, but in my defense, it didn’t read like satire and I’m still in a ribs coma from lunch. Needless to say, I’ve wasted your time and I apologize. Here’s a funny bungee jumping prank to make up for such an egregious error. Oh, and to the tipster who will remain anonymous, I offer a hearty *fart noise*.

Newly minted Seattle Seahawk head coach Pete Carroll’s never ending tour of trying to be the zany coach every player is supposed to love continued this week as he used the old parlor trick retirement home facilitators use to thin out the herd by putting a fake snake in a water cooler then videotaping the subsequent reactions. Make sure to watch until the end where you can see a pissed off Matt Hasselbeck grab the offending plastic serpent by the neck as he searches for a perpetrator to murder. Spoilsport!

Video after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

…we go pee-pee in your coke.

At least two cheerleaders from Saginaw High School in Texas have received in-school suspensions after administrators learned of some urine-tastic shenanigans members of the squad pulled last winter at a basketball game. A cheerleader allegedly urinated into a cup and mixed it with a drink purchased at a nearby restaurant and then gave the Pee-Pee Cocktail to another teammate. When said teammate mentioned the drink tasted funny, she was informed that a tart candy had been mixed in with the beverage.

According to something called the Cheerleader’s Constitution (I imagine every “i” is dotted with a heart in the revered document), “team members could be removed if they are expelled, placed at the Alternative Discipline Center, assigned to in-school suspension more than once or suspended more than once.”

NO! Not the Alternative Discipline Center! How are perky cheerleaders ever going to fit in with all the burnouts wearing Black Sabbath t-shirts and smoking right off school property? In any event, you could say that the cheerleaders, in committing this heinous act, “broke the seal” of the Cheerleader’s Constitution, amirite?

A parent of the alleged victim is all up-in-arms regarding the incident and is asking that the perpetrators be kicked-off the team.

“They shouldn’t be allowed to represent Saginaw,” said the father, who did not want to be identified to protect his daughter’s identity.

“The girls said they were just joking around,” the father said. “It’s not a good joke to me.” -Fort Worth Star-Telegram (via Guyism).

I have to agree with angry father guy – it wasn’t a good joke at all – it was a phenomenal joke. This is the type of prank that will live in infamy. How will any Saginaw High School cheerleader ever top this stroke of mischievous brilliance? A bake sale poop prank, you say? That’s pretty good, but to me, in light of the Pee-Pee Cocktail prank, a bake sale-related fecal folly would still have to be number two on my list.

Scott Van Pelt might be my favorite SportsCenter anchor, which is a lot like a 9-year-old picking out his favorite vegetable (and probably just as mature). But it was still humorous to see him endure a prank call from someone pretending to be the recently-cut running back Brian Westbrook. But in These Trying Economic Times, who’s willing to pull off such colossal (if not entirely funny) pwnage for free? Better question: Why does SportsCenter even take incoming phone calls? The same thing happened to Dan Patrick in 2003. You’d think they’d just let those roll over to voicemail. Read the rest of this entry »