This infographic (“info” graphic) appeared on the flagship television show from the Worldwide Leader in Sports. The image of the infographic comes from Reddit, which is part of the Internet, which in total cannot believe that people are getting paid to whip up shitty infographics like this for the Worldwide Leader in Sports.
The worst part is … well, its existence, but the other worst part is how unhelpful it is. Half of it is super vague. GET TURNOVER. DUNK. STARE DOWN. I don’t think they put all of that on the poster. Posters are singular images, not Sportsflix. And then the true gem, “fast break with Norris Cole.” That’s awfully specific, guys! I guess at ESPN, LeBron James is the only dude who gets to be on posters. I’d love to see Blake Griffin get depressed that nobody’s ever taken a picture of him dunking and demand that the Clippers trade for Norris Cole.
Here’s how to make a pie, courtesy of ESPN:
- buy groceries - turn on your oven - ask Dwyane Wade to lob you a cookie sheet - eat the pie
Back in August, I told you about Summer League, a softball-versus-kickball movie from the folks at Austin-based Greenless Studios. We were trying to raise enough money to rent a mascot costume for a crucial, duck-related scene near the end of the film, and thanks to us having the best readers in the world (and a timely tweet from the compassionate Mr. Vince Mancini) we ended up raising about a third of the film’s budget. Because we weren’t trying to scam you, Summer League exists now, and it looks GORGEOUS.
Of course, I don’t know if you just assumed this based on the fact that I’m a nerdy wrestling fan blogger, but I am not one of the beautiful, svelte ingenues on the primary poster, nor am I one of those guys behind them. I wasn’t born with that weird gene that makes facial hair grow in attractively. I did, however, make the secondary poster, and I did it in a motherf**king duck suit, because life is bizarre and With Leather is the best website ever.
That poster (the heel poster, for the record) and a Man Of Steel-quality teaser trailer, are after the jump. Share this with everybody you know so I’ll get to keep being in movies, would you?
I hate the term “posterized”. Like “awesome” for good things and “ginger” for anyone with red hair, it’s become an easy catch-all term to describe every single dunk that happens. So Bismack Biyombo dunked. So what? Dude’s like 6-9, I don’t think the Costacos Brothers are rushing to put dress him like the German Kriegsmarine for a SINKING OF THE BISMACK poster. If the NBA printed a poster for every posterization we’d be living in the world of the Lorax.
What I’m getting at is that Tim Duncan didn’t “posterize” the Birdman during Sunday’s Nuggets/Spurs game … he novelized him. It starts with exposition (“this is a basketball game, Chris Andersen is trying to play defense on contextual grandpa Tim Duncan), continues on through to the rising action (“Tim Duncan hits Birdman in the face with a basketball”) toward a logical climax (“lol, he just got hit in the face with a ball AND dunked on”). The falling action could literally be Duncan coming down after the dunk, and the resolution is that the entire Internet can laugh about how pathetic he made a guy look.
The moment has been captured in glorious animated gif form below, courtesy of SBN by way of CJZero.com.
Just kidding. For a header, here is an awesome rap video.
Links
So Long and Thanks for All the Puppies - Matt Ufford is leaving Warming Glow, so I wanted to take a moment on this sports comedy blog he created to thank him for everything. Him going “hey, you should let this guy write” is the only reason I’m a part of the UPROXX family, and I’ll never forget that. P.S. you really should’ve put me in charge of Warming Glow, because I mean seriously [Warming Glow]
10 of the Greatest Comic Book Video Games - The list goes 1. Arkham Asylum, 2. Arkham City, 3. Captain America And The Avengers in the arcade, 4. that one Spider-Man game for the Sega CD with the Mr. Big soundtrack, 5. All Others. [Gamma Squad]
Crossface Chickenwing Rhymes: 7 Hip-Hop Lines About Bob Backlund - The best post in the history of the Smoking Section. DON’T EXACERBATE ME! [Smoking Section]
The Best Of #April Ludgate - If Annie Edison didn’t exist, she’d be my TV girlfriend. “Oh sorry guys, sorry I’m late. I got confused and took a shower after I got dressed ’cause I’m Jerry.” [UPROXX]
That Time Nic Cage Was On The Cover Of A Serbian Biology Textbook - Why does he keep randomly showing up places? He was on one of the rides at the Texas State Fair, too. Is he the Black Racer? Am I going to die? [Film Drunk]
Meme Watch: Hippo Coworker Is On The Other Side Of Your Cubicle Wall - You get that thing I sent you? [UPROXX]
7 Popular Songs That Are Too Rapey - “Hello” shouldn’t be on here, but “E.T.” by Katy Perry should. I feel weird when the little girl playing Just Dance at the Best Buy is shaking a Wiimote to “ready for abduction”. [Buzzfeed]
“Where Are The Great Movies?” Asks The Director Of Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull - Terrible journalism that makes up a headline and nobody reads the body. He didn’t say there are no good movies, he said he’d rather watch older films because they’re more romanticized. Jesus, reading comprehension, everybody. [FARK]
The Original Ending to ‘The Muppets’ Was Much Better - I’d like to think the |Moviefone|
‘Community’ Wins TV Guide Magazine Fan Favorite Poll - Too bad it can’t win any “fans watching television” contests. [AOL TV]
Brace Yourself, You’re About To Like Tyler Perry - Not even clicking this. I don’t want to live in a world where I have a three dimensional view of Tyler Perry, I just want to think of him as Ma Dukes from ‘The Boondocks’. [Pajiba]
A Collection of Masked Movie Posters - The Saw poster sorta looks like a Stormtrooper. I don’t know, all these minimalist things are making me love busy-ass posters. [Unreality]
The people in charge of making sure London proves to be the suitable host to the 2012 Summer Olympics, as opposed to a violent center of chaotic protesting and terrorist threats, have taken their first step in reminding the world how beautiful and inspirational the Olympics were intended to be from the first day a naked Greek dude ran faster than another naked Greek dude.
Twelve artists were commissioned to create posters for both the Olympics and the Paralympics, and as you can tell from the banner image, sh*t got real abstract. Now I’m no fancy, big city art aficionado by any means. I’ve been to the Louvre and I made plenty of off-color jokes about “that chick with no eyebrows,” so I’m not exactly the best person to be analyzing modern art. But I can’t help but look at these contributions and wonder why they didn’t just grab some finger paintings from the local daycare.
Crossface Chickenwing Rhymes: 7 Hip-Hop Lines About Bob Backlund - The best post in the history of the Smoking Section. DON’T EXACERBATE ME! [
