Portland Trail Blazers 97, Dallas Mavericks 92 (Series: 2-1 Dallas)

Wesley Matthews was a mad man for the Portland Trailblazers last night. The Marquette alum was smoking hot early in the game and his team-high 25-points were the deciding factor. Of course it helped that LaMarcus Aldridge, Brandon Roy and Andre Miller combined for 52 points, as well, but Matthews was the spark early on.

As for the Mavericks, hoo boy what a bad game. Jason Terry led the Mavs with 29-points and Dirk Nowitzki added 25, but the rest of the team played like their alarm clock never went off. Jason Kidd, Tyson Chandler and Shawn Marion combined for 19 whopping points to secure their day of shame today.

Miami Heat 100, Philadelphia 76ers 94 (Series: 3-0 Miami)

This is a good news/bad news series for the Philadelphia 76ers. The good news is that they’ve got some great young talent that could really thrive with the addition of some quality veterans in the offseason. The bad news is that the Miami Heat’s Cerberus is awake and just crushing them. Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Chris Bosh combined for 75 of the team’s 100 points, which meant that the 6ers could either sit there and take it or try desperately to stop the other guys from scoring their 25-points.

Philly chose the former, and is now in a 3-0 hole to arguably the hottest team in the playoffs right now…

Chicago Bulls 88, Indiana Pacers 84 (Series: 3-0 Bulls)

The difference between the Bulls and the Heat, and their respective 3-0 series leads, is that the Bulls seem to be fighting so much more to get their wins than the Heat, as Miami is just pillaging right now. But that really doesn’t mean anything beyond the first round, so we’ll save this argument for another day.

Danny Granger did his best to keep the Pacers out of their bottomless playoff pit, but his 21-points wasn’t enough against Chicago’s advantage at the free throw line. Derrick Rose has 23 points to lead the bulls, but the bulk of that came from 15 trips to the line. He was just 4 of 18 shooting otherwise, but a win is a win, says teams that win.

Tonight’s predictions: Hawks over Magic, Knicks over Celtics, Lakers over Hornets

Orlando Magic 88, Atlanta Hawks 82

I’m a bit of a conspiracy theorist when it comes to sports, especially the NBA, so indulge me if you will. Last night’s Game 2 matchup between the Orlando Magic and Atlanta Hawks was aired on NBA TV opposite the Boston Celtics-New York Knicks game for one of three reasons:

1) It was a boring game that nobody cared about.
2) David Stern really hates the Magic.
3) The league has lost $300 million in the past year so the network has to make a few bucks somehow.

Despite my tendency to lean to No. 2, the truth is a little of all 3. Regardless, it’s totally asinine to put one of your league’s top stars – Dwight Howard – on a second tier network like he’s George Lopez. But that’s another argument for another day. In the meantime, let’s talk about the main point of the game – the Chicago Bulls are gonna cruise to the Eastern Conference Finals.

I’m not saying the Magic and Hawks are bad, but Colin Firth called them bland. When JJ Redick is the high point of a game, even Lifetime is too good of a venue for these teams. But they have to play, so it is what it is. In the meantime, there’s really only one aspect of last night’s game that is worth noting, and it’s not Howard’s 42nd career playoff double-double in 53 postseason appearances.

Gilbert Arenas makes roughly $20 million a year to be the worst player I have ever seen in my life. He’s Steve Francis bad if Steve had no legs. Even worse, the Magic are rumored to be restructuring Gilbert’s contract to keep him in Orlando for 5 more years. At some point he and I are going to have to sit down and discuss the problems between us. I just hope there’s not a crowbar anywhere near me.

Sit down, hold on to your hat, and kiss your loved ones goodbye, because I’m about to blow your mother-fluffing mind – Greg Oden is out for the season. The Portland Trail Blazers center, who hasn’t played for the team that drafted him No. 1 overall in 2007 since December 5 of last season, will have surgery on his left knee, which is the same knee that kept him out of last season. But don’t worry, it’s not the same injury, so maybe he’ll heal everything over the next 11 months and come back an unstoppable force next season. Haha, just kidding, I’ve been drinking Four Loko since midnight.

Oden injured his left patella during last season and required surgery to fix that, and prior to that he missed time because of surgery to his right knee. Before that he missed time with a severed spine, and in high school he missed six games with acute decapitation. While playing in middle school, Oden missed two weeks with mesothelioma, and in AAU he was declared legally dead for two playoff games over the span of 72 hours. Also, Greg missed two months as a fetus due to turf toe.

How’s this No. 1 draft pick working out for the Blazers again, KGMI News?

The seven-foot Oden, 22, missed his entire rookie season after undergoing microfracture surgery on his right knee before playing 61 games during the 2008-09 campaign.

Oden, who had been expected to provide a dominant inside presence this season, has averaged 9.4 points and 7.3 rebounds during his limited time on the court for the Trail Blazers.

And Kevin Durant has a scoring title, is a favorite for many as this season’s MVP, he won a gold medal, just signed a huge extension, played basketball with Barack Obama recently, and he’s quickly becoming the biggest “I’m buying tickets for the sh*tty team in my city just so I can go watch him play” guy in the NBA. At least Oden is a restricted free agent after this season and David Kahn is still employed by the Minnesota Timberwolves. So all is not lost, Blazers fans.

Portland Trailblazers star Brandon Roy has issued an apology for his appearance in a new rap video from “artists” Cali and Cavalli for their hit(?) “What They Want.” As you can see below, the video deals with some criminal elements and less than desirable behavior. I’m talking about wearing clothing that endorses Spain. This is America, Cali and Cavalli. Love it or leave it.

Regardless, Roy has apparently recognized that it’s not a good practice to openly associate with stuff like drug use and criminal behavior, even if it is just in a fictional artistic medium. Jamal Crawford also appears in the video, but he hasn’t issued an apology. Probably because there’s nothing to apologize for. Well, unless you’re Tipper Gore. *high fives 1980s political satire*

SLAM! Duuh duuh duuh, let the boys be boys, Fanhouse:

“The basic concept of Cali and Cavalli’s ‘What They Want’ is a rags to riches tale of upward mobility — a standard format that many have seen utilized in recent music videos. It depicts two small-time hustlers ascension from the inner city, where the perils of drug use and fast money are more than evident, to the metaphorical use of basketball and Cali and Cavalli’s association with two of Seattle and the NBA’s biggest success stories as their own personal barometer of achievement.

“To officially clear the air Brandon Roy and Jamal Crawford weren’t involved in anyway shape or form with the production, concept, or content of the video and neither were present for anymore than a few minutes of the filming and for the most part were bystanders.”

That was the music video director’s explanation of Roy’s and Crawford’s involvement in “What They Want” and it’s pretty much cut and dry. I mean, I can’t even count on two hands how many times I’ll be walking down the street, minding my own business and – BAM! – I’m in the middle of a Ma$e video. Wait, who is the big rapper these days, the one that all the kids like? Is it Craig Mack? That guy had some dope beats.

I think the most shocking aspect of this story is that NBA players are associating themselves with rappers. David Stern needs to step in and do something before this escalates. I mean, next thing we know, NBA players will be recording their own rap albums. Can you even imagine?

Here’s the video for “What They Want”:

And here’s Roy’s apology, via Fanhouse:

Most NBA players like to head out after a tough road game to sample whatever local strange might be available. The Portland Trail Blazers Rudy Fernandez, playing with his team in Dallas last night, didn’t have to wait that long.

During a timeout with 41 seconds left in regulation, two women walked onto the court and into the Trail Blazers huddle. One woman wrapped her arms around the waist of Blazers guard Rudy Fernandez from behind. Fernandez, who was not in the game but focused on the plays being diagrammed by coach Nate McMillan, was stunned.

The women were ushered away from the huddle, and amazingly allowed to return to their courtside seats under the basket and watch the remainder of the game, which went to overtime. –The Oregonian, via Inside Hoops.

How could security pass up a chance to tackle a couple of intoxicated women? The safety of the players on the court is paramount. Those women should have been ushered to a private area and searched thoroughly for weapons. Uh, for security purposes. We can’t be too careful, especially when we’re this horny and drunk with power.

Quick follow-up to our Greg Oden post from yesterday: the Blazers big man came out and apologized for the pictures that made the rounds on the internet. The long and the short of it is that Oden took the phots about a year-and-a-half ago for some woman; he found about his big moment via 6 AM phone call yesterday. There’s a morning wood joke in there someplace but I’m already running behind today. There’s video of the presser on Deadspin (I like calling them pressers; sue me), but really, his face really doesn’t deviate from this expression throughout the whole two minutes. I guess he’s a man of few words. Many inches, but few words.

I spent the better part of my morning trolling the Series of Tubes trying to find a picture of a black man’s penis and I’m exhausted. How does your mother do it every night? But seriously, Greg Oden’s dick has suddenly become the perfect analogy for life as a sports blogger: I don’t really want to post it, but everyone else is, so I feel like I kind of have to. It’s like Oden’s cock is some nuclear peacekeeping missile defense system, and we’re all in a rush to get our own, uh, piece.

But anyway, if you want to Greg Oden in all his nude glory, for whatever reason, you can find an embeddable slideshow here. And not to sound gay or anything, but the missile analogy hits pretty close to home. And if you do head over there, we’ll have something back here to wash your brain out here very soon.

Fernandez was conscious and alert when he left the court, and he had full movement of his extremities, the team said. But he was experiencing chest pain and was taken to a hospital overnight. X-rays were negative.

Trevor Ariza, who fouled Fernandez, said he hoped the rookie from Spain wasn’t seriously hurt.

“It wasn’t anything I was trying to do,” Ariza said. “I wasn’t trying to hurt him. I was just trying to make a play on the ball.” [Y! Deportes]

It was a tough foul, but hardly a neck-brace-worthy foul. Sparty and Friends dug up some video; Ariza makes contact with the head and possibly grabs the left arm on the way down. See for yourself after the jump. After the game, Fernandez underwent a CT scan, and the verdict was a soft-tissue injury to the upper chest and side. That differs slightly from Dr. Punte’s diagnosis: acute blubbering vaginosis. Sissy.

TrailBlazers general manager Kevin Pritchard has been in the news a lot recently, as he’s been going around threatening other NBA GMs with legal action if they pick up former Blazer Darius Miles, which could make it impossible for Portland to pick up a free agent this summer.

In a way more interesting story, Pritchard is dating former Blazers dancer Marlene Kanehailua, who once dated Kevin Duckworth, the former Blazers center who died last August.  Except Pritchard’s wife’s name is Shea, and they have two kids together. (It’s unclear when Pritchard and his wife broke up.  This photo from October 2008 incorrectly identifies Blazers assistant Joe Prunty as Pritchard, and thus shouldn’t be trusted as a source.)

Whatever the case, there have been some high-level fraternization and break-ups in the TrailBlazers’ family/organization. Here’s what the Internet says:

Excerpt from diary, Sports Illustrated, 2000: Involvement with players: “We may get to do some charities or promotions with them, but our relationship is purely professional. This is a rule that the dancers have, but the players don’t.”

Portland Tribune, 2002: Much of the furniture in the three-bedroom, split-level home that Duckworth shares with girlfriend Marlene Kanehailua — a member of the Blazer Dancers — is the result of his woodcraft… Will he and Marlene tie the knot? “One day, yep,” he says. “But relationships are something you have to work at. It ain’t easy. I’m a loner. I like to keep things to myself. I don’t share a lot in conversation. That is hard on relationships. It’s another challenge for me.”

Portland Tribune, 2007: After 10 seasons of working for minimum wage and in minimal attire before millions of fans, Blazer Dancer Marlene Kanehailua, one of the most senior dancers in the National Basketball Association, is hanging up her really short shorts… Only two players in the 37-year history of the franchise — Clyde Drexler and Jerome Kersey — spent more seasons on the court. And few were as well-liked... Now in her 10th year as a health and physical education teacher, [...] Kanehailua has a master’s degree and is pursuing a Ph.D.

The Oregonian, yesterday: Portland beat Golden State 113-100 on Saturday. Afterward, Pritchard left the Rose Garden arena with his girlfriend, Marlene, a teacher and former Blazers dancer.

To recap: Dancer says work with players is “purely professional,” dancer begins dating former player, dancer retires, player dies, ex-dancer begins dating GM, who at some point during all this was married with two children.  Ooohhh!  Or maybe they started dating BEFORE Duckworth died… and he died from a BROKEN HEART!!!  Dun-dun-DUNNNNN!!!

Eh, well, I tried to make it exciting.  Not exactly ripped from the script of a soap opera, but certainly better than the drama about whether or not someone else will sign Darius Miles.

For those of you East Coasters who didn’t stay up until 1:45 a.m. to watch the conclusion of the Houston-Portland overtime game last night, you didn’t miss much.  Just three lead changes in the final 1.9 seconds that ended with Brandon Roy making a 30-foot heave to turn a loss into a win at the buzzer.  Ho-hum.