As we dip our toes into the 66th day of this NHL lockout, it shouldn’t surprise many people that yesterday’s latest crucial meeting was a complete dud, as talks lasted a whopping two hours. Among very few other things, the players union and league officials agreed to meet up again this morning to simply decide if they’re going to have another meeting. “That’s a good idea,” said hockey fans, adding, “Because you didn’t talk about sh*t yesterday.”

‘‘We talked about various things,’’ union executive director Donald Fehr said on a chilly Manhattan sidewalk outside the NHL office. ‘‘No new proposals were made, they were not expected to be made.” (Via the Boston Globe)

So the question that nobody is really asking is – what the hell are the fans doing to fill their void? According to one Edmonton business owner, NHL fans are getting their freak on.

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As the editor-in-chief of a popular sports comedy blog, I get two kinds of e-mails: the ones from people who have no idea who I am, but want a link anyway (sample: “HI JOSH, Spring is around the corner, here are the 50 greatest boobtacular moments in sports”), and the ones from porn tubes who just learned something about sports and think I should know about it.

In the interest of passing my experience on to you, here’s a press release I just received from Pornhub, the visionary geniuses behind such clips as Hot Ass Naomi Russel in Fishnet Sexy F**king. They recently held a survey to see which NFL cheerleading squad fans most enjoyed seeing, and the results were … predictable. But hey, until that Chad Johnson sex tape deal goes through, Pornhub’s gotta do what Pornhub’s gotta do*.

*I probably do not need to see what Pornhub’s gotta do.

Pornhub.com, the premier online destination for adult entertainment, took to one of their world famous surveys to find out which is the most gorgeous squad on the gridiron – the results are as follows:

- Dallas Cowboys (54%, 1,274 votes)

- Houston Texans (13%, 315 votes)

- New England Patriots (13%, 295 votes)

- New York Jets (8%, 189 votes)

- Detroit Lions (6%, 135 votes)

- Washington Redskins (6%, 134 votes)

There you have it! The Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders officially mounted the competition to snatch a tip-top spot in the mound.

I get it!

To test this theory, I’ve put together an impromptu slideshow of Dallas Cowboys cheerleader highlight videos and pictures of note. I don’t know how many I’m going to include, but I’ll probably keep adding and adding until HomeMoviesTube.com e-mails me their update about which European field hockey team is the most cuckold. Here are your 2012 season highlights so far, from Thanksgiving all the way back to the swimsuits.

Not included: those poor, poor guys jacking it to Lions games.

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The honeymoon is over. After a 2010 spent mostly accusing each other of abuse and painkiller addiction and several extremely public attempts to whimper about how sad they are with each other on the Internet, it looks like UFC Hall Of Famer Tito Ortiz and Adult Video News Hall Of Famer Jenna Jameson are calling it quits.

Okay, they probably aren’t, but Cage Potato caught a great exchange between Jenna and a popular UFC fighter who is … not exactly Tito Ortiz.

That could be innocent, right? Jenna Jameson has spent a lot of time in Vegas, likes the UFC and probably calls everyone she knows “babe”. Gives them nose-smileys, too.

This tweet followed those, five days later:

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It’s pretty safe to say that things aren’t going too well for Chad Johnson right now. The 34-year old receiver has probably played his last days in the NFL, as the Miami Dolphins have cut him in the wake of – but not necessarily because of – his arrest for domestic assault on his wife, Evelyn Lozada Ochocinco, and their VH1 reality show has also been canceled. Seeing as this is the second time that Johnson has dealt with domestic violence charges – the first incident occurred in 2000 – it’s safe to say the NFL won’t look too favorably upon Johnson playing for some time.

This fall from grace has caused some people to look back to a comment that Johnson made recently, as he declared that if the Dolphins cut him, he’d probably turn to a life in pornography. Joke or not, that can now be his reality, as the people at PornHub are offering Johnson a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

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Before the NBA Finals began, there was some talk about two adult film actresses who had pledged to perform oral sex on all of their combined Twitter followers if the Miami Heat won the championship. I didn’t bother looking to see who the two starlets were, because I knew that they weren’t Kayden Kross or Andy San Dimas, so it didn’t matter to me. I mean, I was at church and I don’t know who those girls are or… whatever, it’s Friday.

The actual ladies in question are Angelina Castro and Sara Jay (semi-NSFW) – pictured above in their own crudely photoshopped tribute to the Heat – and according to their Tweets from last night, drop yo pants, fellas. And bring some Purell.

Ew. Everything about this. Just, ew.

I’d love to see the guys who show up to this, though. Real winners in that crowd, I’d expect. Probably wearing Mike Miller jerseys.

But I’m not one to crap on honest-to-goodness sports fans, so congrats, Sara Jay and Angelina Castro! Congrats, Miami Heat fans! Congrats, LeBron James and Chris Bosh! And congrats Centers for Disease Control!

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I think we all need to take a seat, maybe form a circle and just relax for a few minutes. We get a little bit too crazy about sports sometimes, and we tend to overreact toward athletes and media analysts for their decisions and/or opinions. I mean, take Twitter, for example. Have you seen the horrible verbal venom that is spewed at famous people on that “social media” site on a daily basis? Hell, I’m as guilty as the next guy for making cracks at some athletes, but I’m talking about the violent threats.

It’s really getting out of hand, and it’s been spilling out into our stadiums and arenas now, ruining the idea of fun competition for everyone. What the hell’s the point of going to a game or a bar these days if you constantly have to look over your shoulder and wonder if someone is about to stab you? Sports are supposed to take our minds off the really sh*tty things in life and provide hope and inspiration. Instead, we have people slaughtering each other in the streets.

Everybody calm down and let’s remember why we’re here in the first place… to hope that the other team loses and pray for people to be fired. That’s what sports are all about, dang it.

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