Robert Swift was drafted 12th overall by the Seattle Supersonics in 2004, and, at the time, taking Swift straight out of high school seemed like a solid move, because the 2004 NBA Draft mostly sucked. Unfortunately, Swift’s career became a prime example of why the NBA wanted kids to spend at least a year in college, and it seems that Swift may have recently been reflecting on his decision to turn pro at 18 as a huge mistake.

Swift’s Washington mansion had been in foreclosure since last year, and a couple eventually purchased it at a fraction of the original price, but there was one notable problem with their desire to actually live in it – Swift refused to leave. Now, the once-promising center has finally left, and the couple faces a new problem – the mansion is a complete sh*thole. Literally.

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Perhaps Tom Hicks is best known for being a shrewd businessman who built his incredible wealth and subsequent empire through hard work and determination, as well as the ability to not give a crap about the little people he may have trampled along the way. However, even if Hicks were declared the Greatest Businessman in the History of Money by a panel including God, Warren Buffett and Bill Gates, we’d all still remember him as that dude who destroyed the Texas Rangers (and Dallas Stars and Liverpool F.C.).

Ironically, as the New York Yankees are rumored to be begging Major League Baseball to void Alex Rodriguez’s massive contract, the man who first gave A-Rod the largest contract in sports history is now trying to sell the most expensive estate and property in the United States. Hicks recently listed his Crespi-Hicks Estate in Dallas on the hush-hush, but when a dude tries to sell his home for a whopping $135 million, people are going to talk about it.

It’s not exactly like you can just pop that f*cker on Craigslist and call it a day. So what the heck comes with a $135 million house anyway?

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Clint Bowyer and Kevin Harvick hanging out with Guy Fieri on New Year's is only half the problem.

Politicians are the worst people on this planet, so it shouldn’t have surprised people this morning when news leaked of the sordid inclusions in the fiscal cliff deal, from a heavier rum tax on Puerto Rico to financing Goldman Sachs’ new headquarters. Good, those guys needed a break. But also included is the so-called “NASCAR loophole”, which has a lot of people really pissed off right now.

However, it’s not like the government is just giving a ton of our hard-earned cash to the good ol’ boys who spend their days turning left. It’s much sneakier and more complex than that. Basically, it’s a nice, big tax break for the billionaires behind the International Speedway Corporation, and most notably the France family. So what, then, does this loophole give them?

The so-called NASCAR loophole allows anyone who builds a racetrack to receive a small tax benefit through accelerated depreciation. This tax break cost roughly $43 million the past two years and will get extended for another year. Sounds tawdry, right? And yet, supporters claim the break is necessary so that NASCAR can compete on a level playing field with other theme parks. Looks like they got their wish. (Via Washington Post)

Now I’m no fancy, big city slicker lawyer type with a degree in smartness, but I’ve read enough USA Today pie charts in my day to know that this isn’t much of a surprise. Look, millionaires and billionaires get all the breaks. We’ve just got to learn to live with that. I mean, take Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria, for example. He fleeced an entire major city government into funding his ridiculous, giant new stadium, and he did it all on the paper wings of a promise that he was committed to building a contender. Classic rich dude crapping on our dreams scenario.

Instead of Loria, though, it’s just NASCAR and International Speedway executives who get to act out the “We need these tax breaks to build new tracks and fix the old ones so we can create jobs because America!” routine. But this is all unfair speculation and the biased ramblings of a lower class American just trying to get his next meal. Let’s see what the NASCAR fatcats have to say in response…

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Shaun White is a rock star. He’s 26-years old, a global snowboarding icon, gold medalist and worth millions upon millions of dollars. He’s even been known to trash a hotel room, an act which got him his first-ever shred of negative attention back in September, and people barely ever talked about it. Why didn’t anyone care? Because when you’re a young, long-haired “extreme” athlete, people expect you to be wasted, cause ruckus in a hotel, pull fire alarms and get punched while trying to escape. That’s the gosh-darned American celebrity way of life right there.

Oh, and the other reason nobody really talked about it? Because everyone was still so busy freaking out over the rumors from the 2012 Summer Olympics regarding White dating super duper model Bar Refaeli. Seriously, people were going nuts over that, like, “How the hell is that gorgeous super model dating that redheaded dude?” as if he was the real life version of Rocky Dennis. Gee, I sure do wonder why that gorgeous woman was attracted to the young, famous, wealthy, confident millionaire. Some mysteries were just meant to never be solved.

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Italian soccer star Mario Balotelli is only 22-years old, and as the face and presumable future of Manchester City and the Italian National Team, it’s safe to say that he has a long career ahead of him. But with so much success already coming at such a young age, Balotelli has seen his fair share of controversy, from the racial taunts of opposing teams at Euro 2012 to the daily tabloid reports on European websites and in trashy gossip rags. Of course we sympathize with him for the former and we love him for the latter, because athletes who recover from losing Europe’s biggest soccer tournament by partying with beauty queens in the wake of a paternity scandal brought about by one of soccer’s most notorious WAGs is stronger than a fresh pot of coffee to us.

But I mention Balotelli today not because he broke up with his pregnant girlfriend, Rafaella Fico, yet again because they can’t agree on where to have the baby and he allegedly can’t keep his striker in his Umbros. Instead, I’m bringing him up because – Dude, what the hell did you do to your Bentley?

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When we first met Formula 1 heiress sisters Petra and Tamara Ecclestone, they were house shopping in Los Angeles so they could begin their own American invasion. The daughters of Formula 1 CEO Bernie Ecclestone never quite caught on as celebrities here in the states, though, as we already have enough spoiled children with no discernible talents and plenty of disposable income. But bless their hearts, the Ecclestone sisters have kept on trying, and Tamara is really ready to catch our attention now that she’s single.

For the sake of differentiating them, Petra is married so we won’t talk about her, and Tamara is the one who pulled $1 million in cash out of her ass for a photo shoot last year. She’s also the one who dumped her no good boyfriend to reclaim her title as the World’s Most Eligible Bachelorette, and she’s not looking for good looks, a chiseled body or unbelievable wealth. She just wants a bro that can make her laugh.

What do you think about that, George Clooney?

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