Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco tweeted a photo of his toilet earlier today, and how about that, it looks just like a Bengals helmet. And really, there’s no better-fitting analogy for the team’s depressing season than a commode in Bengals colors.

Cincinnati, mind you, won their division last year before losing to the Jets for the second time in a week in the opening round of the playoffs. And if we were going to pin the blame on someone for the team’s current 2-9 record, it wouldn’t be Ocho, but quarterback Carson Palmer, who is on pace to have his worst full season as a pro. He’s been playing like poop.

But this is a much more team-oriented than Terrell Owens’s toilet, which is just a 3-dimension mold of his own face. Click the image to embiggen.

Self-proclaimed “professional climber, adventure addict, world traveler, artist, musician, budding film maker” Cedar Wright recently shot a video for the Squamish Mountain Film Festival, entitled “Squamish in a Day.” During that video shoot, Wright and his fellow rock climbers hit a bit of a snag, though, and one climber – Jason Kruk – got his knee stuck in a tight crack. But that was just the start of Kruk’s escalating problems. Haha, oh rock puns.

Kruk, who looks like he could be in a Fall Out Boy tribute band, admits during a video that a fellow climber shot of their ordeal that he was a bit hungover. Once he realized his knee was stuck in the crack and Wright comes to his aid, Kruk begins to dry heave and then eventually craps his pants. All while Wright is hanging beneath him, trying to get his leg free.

Video for “Boogie ’til You Poop” after the jump (NSFW for language, lots of bad words that would make your grandma hush you).

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Sure, when a mangy mutt gets loose on a minor league baseball field and poops, everybody thinks it’s hilarious, but when I do it, I spend the night in jail in a cell with no toilet paper. Hardly seems fair.

Be that as it may, the Northwest Arkansas Naturals, a member of the Texas League and the Double-A affiliate of the Kansas City Royals, have a promotion at Arvest Ballpark called “Iams Adoptable Pet of the Game,” when “a local dog from a shelter is featured for adoption.” During said promotion the other night, the spotlighted canine, obviously realizing this might be its one chance to escape, broke free from his handler and scampered around the field, much to the delight of the fans in attendance. Once the dog discovered a little free space in the outfield, seeing the buttload of wide open grass available, proceeded to unload the contents of its butt. Hey, when nature calls, what’s a dog supposed to do, right? Read the rest of this entry »

Leave it to the Pac-10 Conference to lead the charge of progressive language in women’s basketball. Someone should tell Arizona State coach Charli Turner Thorne that if she’s gonna say something dirty in a halftime tirade that’s being captured on videotape, she should just go ahead and say it. You can’t filter out the word and then expect your message to have the same effect. Poop, pee-pee, bush, make love to, wiener, tinkle, mommy’s special friend, and boobies just don’t carry the load of anger and frustration the same way. What, do you feel vindicated having said poop?

How did the Sun Devils do in the second half? Read the rest of this entry »

You know what the Beijing Olympics really needed? More Muslims! The organizers of the 2012 London Games took note, and are tending to meticulous details to make the readers of the Rasm feel more comfortable, right down to the geographic orientation of the commodes. From Yahoo! News:

Olympic organizers issued detailed design rules for the 2012 London games Wednesday, including a mandate that at least some toilets in the Olympic park do not face the holy Islamic city of Mecca…Muslims face Mecca, in Saudi Arabia, when they pray and generally do not believe they should do the same when using the toilet[...]

“The Olympic Park will be at the heart of the celebrations and people of all cultures, faiths and ages and disabled people will find London 2012′s Olympic Park welcoming and easy to use,” authority chairman John Armitt said.

The organizers sought input from a range of communities before coming up with the design requirements.

Among the projects on the slate is the Olympic Polygamy Experience, where patrons can bang up to four modestly-dressed women at once. My, that’s going to be quite a party tent. Don’t forget your dowries!
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