With the five living U.S. Presidents and Zombie Taft currently breaking in the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum at Southern Methodist University, where legend has it that Craig James was quite the ladies man, I added some presidential history to my morning reading. Among the things that I learned, it turns out that James K. Polk did not, in fact, coin the phrase “itty bitty titty committee” and today is the 66th anniversary of the opening of the White House Bowling Alley.

According to PBS, this isn’t anything special, but it was actually a nice gesture from President Harry “Man Meat” Truman to the White House’s underappreciated staff.

Although Truman did not play much (he was more into poker), he helped start the White House Bowling League. The bowlers included Secret Service agents and groundskeepers. Unfortunately, the alley was closed in 1955, but a new one was built in the Eisenhower Building.

I researched some of Truman’s history as a poker player, and it seems that he is responsible for approximately 10% of the national deficit, because of his love of chasing straights to the river. F*cking amateur hour.

But as for the bowling thing, I did my own research that goes far beyond anything that PBS and the national Archives have ever done and I recovered an actual photo of the scores from the first game that was ever played by Truman and some of his cabinet members on April 25, 1947. This is absolutely amazing.

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Hip Abductor Strengthening. A great way to work out your legs, or how you look when you realize there’s no toilet paper and have to walk around looking for some? You make the call. (via Bob’s Blitz)

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Links

5 Albums Coming Out This Week That Don’t Suck |UPROXX|

Life Lessons We Learned From ‘The Twilight Zone’ |Warming Glow|

Bill Murray calls Kelly Lynch’s husband every time he sees her sex scene in Roadhouse |Film Drunk|

Alex Rodriguez Is Still A Grade A Poon Hound |With Leather|

Parody Game ‘Dudebro’ Brings The Straight-Up Dawg Time |Gamma Squad|

The Supreme Court (And One Brat) May Get Rid Of Affirmative Action Today |Smoking Section|

Beyonce For Super Bowl Halftime Show Is Shockingly Not Terrible |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Yesterday, the above picture popped up on this Reddit thread (or possibly here first, according to Internet police) with a series of other divers photoshopped on the toilet, and quite frankly I’ve never been so proud of the Internet. So I went in search of more diver photoshops, hoping that I would find a golden treasury – perhaps even some holy divers *air guitars* – and what I actually found was an endless obsession with English diver Tom Daley. Even worse, millions of women keep telling me that I look just like Daley, and I’m flattered, but I’m definitely more handsome.

Despite the lack of an infinite amount of pooping diver photoshops, I was mildly impressed with the results of an hour-long Tumblr search, based on the numerous posts on various sites about *taps mic* did you ever notice how Olympic divers make the funniest faces? Then I saw what the fine folks in the Reddit photoshop battles thread were doing with it and I felt much better. Check out their efforts after the dump, er, jump, and if you can beat these, post your best effort in the comments and you might get a free With Leather t-shirt.

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Back before the sports news world was dominated by stories about how stupid the Orlando Magic is for not giving Dwight Howard to the Brooklyn Nets or how everyone should love and worship LeBron James now because he won the NBA Championship or how something called the Summer Olympics is about to happen, there was the NFL, which also had news. Chief among that news was Peyton Manning’s free agency, an occurrence that we never thought would happen.

But sure enough, it did and Manning, who said from the beginning that it was never about money, signed a 5-year deal worth $96 million with the Denver Broncos. So what do you do with that much money? You buy a $5 million home in your new town. And don’t worry, Manning will never have a shortage of places to poop.

Manning purchased the home for $4,575,000. The home was originally listed in March 2011 at $5.25 million.

Manning’s new home, according to the listing through Fuller Sotheby’s International Realty, is more than 16,000 square feet and sits on 3.37 acres. It includes seven bathrooms, separate media and billiard rooms, a “safe” room and an elevator. (Via the Denver Post)

Seven bathrooms. What do you even do with that? I like to think I’d be like my dog, who likes to poop in three different spots every time I take her out. I’d just pinch it off and run from bathroom to bathroom until I’m done.

Ah, back to the good jokes.