According to a new study published by the Centers for Disease (and eventually Teen Mom sex tape) Control, your local public pools are full of sh*t. Well, at least the pools in Atlanta are, because this CDC study was based on a series of tests performed on public pools in the matro-Atlanta area, and it was determined that 58 percent of the water samples contained what my 14-month old niece scientifically refers to as “POO POO!”

Now before you shun the pool altogether this summer, it’s important to remember that these results don’t necessarily mean that every little Edward and Katniss is running around dropping a D in the water. The nerds behind this study actually suggest that non-poopers like you and I may be responsible for this disgusting revelation and not even know it. We’re disgusting, bros.

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What a sh*tty statue.

Growing up in Florida, I’ve never known the joy of building a snowman or especially spelling my name in the snow. But something that I didn’t know is that kids in some places that are extremely cold share that problem, as they are unable to sculpt the snow since it obviously turns into ice. Take, for instance, the village of Yolba in Russia, where the below-40 temperature has left the locals with nothing to sculpt. Nothing but hot cow dung, that is.

A building manager by day and dung pioneer by night, Mikhail Bopposov decided that he’d be damned if he was going to let a lack of powder or chainsaws get in his way in making a fun sculpture for the local kids to enjoy during this winter season. So he went out on his farm or ranch or whatever he has and started scooping up the crap from his 17 cows and turned it all into an 880-pound sculpture of a cobra to honor the Chinese Year of the Snake.

Go ahead and soak that whole stinky sentence in.

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My favorite Warming Glow contributor, Josh Kurp*, sent me an email earlier with a link to a Tumblr post that featured the above picture. What you see, obviously, is a man wearing a Chicago Bulls hat with fake poop on the bill. At least I hope that’s fake poop. If it’s real poop, then we’ve got a whole different ballgame going on.

But based on the assumption that the poop is fake, I am forced to ask – why? For further head-scratching, I will refer to the person who took this strange picture, @cordjefferson.

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Links

The 2012 Intermission: 75 Great Songs We’ve Enjoyed So Far |Smoking Section|

Important Internet Experiment: What Does A Porn Star Reading A Book While Using A Vibrator Look Like? |UPROXX|

That Time Norm MacDonald Went On Conan And Ruined Courtney Thorne-Smith’s Day |Warming Glow|

Someone Made A ‘Mars Attacks’ okcupid Dating Profile Because Why Not? |Film Drunk|

Videos Of Troops Coming Home To Surprise Their Families At Ballparks Never Get Old |With Leather|

Six Years Later, Something Good Comes Out of “X-Men: The Last Stand” |Gamma Squad|

A GIF Tribute To Jiggling |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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In news that Antonio Cromartie and Travis Henry could appreciate, we’re apparently in the middle of International Cloth Diaper Awareness Week, which is a lead-in to Super Duper Hippie Time Earth Day on Sunday. But Saturday is the big day for the diaper dandies, as thousands of mothers and defeated fathers will gather in 302 cities across 16 countries for the Great Cloth Diaper Change. If you need me, I’ll be one town over for the Great Hold Your Nose and Don’t Vomit Party.

Last year, the Great Diaper Change set a Guinness World Record when 5,026 cloth diapers were changed at the exact same time. God, I hope one of those babies was wearing a “Who farted?” shirt. So why the big stink?

“Each year billions of disposable diapers enter landfills where it takes hundreds of years for them to decompose, if ever,” says Heather McNamara, Executive Director of the Real Diaper Association, a nonprofit that advocates for cloth diapers. “Building off the success of last year’s event with 127 locations in five countries, we plan to show the entire world that cloth diapers are a real option for today’s modern families, particularly catching the eye of expecting and new parents who may be seeking more planet-friendly and affordable alternatives to disposable diapers.” (Via Market Watch)

On one hand, we have our beloved environment to think about. On the other hand, a whole lotta baby poop. This is truly our generation’s greatest debate. It’s also just a reason for me to post a picture of a baby from last year’s diaper change because he’s wearing a Wu Tang t-shirt. I wasn’t aware that Danger Guerrero had a child.

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On a day when sports news is dominated by child molestation, I’d like to lighten the mood a little by presenting two sports guys who can’t stop calling people names on the Internet.

The first, former Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Oakland Raiders defensive tackle Warren Sapp, reacted to yesterday’s release of New England Patriots defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth by calling Albert a turd. Exhibit A:

When Belichick gave Haynesworth a chance this season, Sapp figured he might be the only coach left who could get Haynesworth to increase his level of play after two disastrous years with the Redskins.

“If anybody can, [Belichick] can,” Sapp told NESN.com. “The last thing you want to do is show up and be a turd that Belichick cuts. But that’s what he was.”

Exhibit number 2 (cough):

“So when Bill got him — I love Belichick, I love that defense, I love everything about the man — but you can’t make a turd out of something that he’s not. He’s a turd.

You can read the entire interview with Sapp over at NESN, but that’s the digested meat and potatoes of it. Warren Sapp, a guy who would never let money motivate him to do something like dance alongside Kim Kardashian and Jefferson from ‘Married … With Children’ on a gameshow, calling Albert Haynesworth, a man who would never do something for the wrong reasons (like slide his credit card down a woman’s cleavage), feces.

The second incident of the day comes from Stephon Marbury, a man who identifies himself openly as a PEACE STAR, ripping Michael Jordan in a way not too dissimilar from Tracy Morgan as Harry Belefonte on SNL calling Osama Bin Laden an Uncle Tom:

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