One of the crappier traditions in American sports is for mayors of opposing cities to make friendly wagers that support famous local commerce.  But there’s simply too much animosity between the Steelers and Ravens to accomplish such a feat.  In fact, Pittsburgh mayor Luke Ravenstahl is dropping the “Raven” from his surname and changing it to “Steelerstahl” in anticipation of this weekend’s AFC Championship Game.  Pointless and idiotic, you say?  Well, how else is he gonna get re-elected?

On Wednesday morning, the mayor began, but did not complete, an official name change petition, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported. Civil court staff gave the petition a docket number but said they did not expect to file it, in part because they did not receive the required check for $108 to process the change, the newspaper reported.

In other words, it was a half-assed attempt at an empty gesture.  And Pittsburgh loves him for it!

Ravenstahl said he did not come up with the idea… That honor, he said, belonged to callers to a local radio station’s morning show… “As soon as I heard it, I thought it was a great idea.”

Oh yes, people who call in to morning radio shows are known to have all sorts of great ideas.  Why, Franklin Roosevelt only implemented the New Deal after someone suggested it to Scooter and the Zoo Crew on Wacky 101.  Scooter’s slide whistle and fart noises are what sold the President on it.

The Brooklyn Cyclones, a Single-A Mets farm club and the first pro baseball team in Brooklyn since the Dodgers left, will host what will become the most popular minor league promotion in the borough’s history when they become the “Baracklyn” Cyclones for one night in June.  Here’s just part of what the club is offering:

-Alternate red, white, and blue jerseys adorned with the team’s new name
-FREE Barack Obama bobbleheads to the first 2,500 fans in attendance, featuring the President in a Baracklyn Cyclones Jersey
-The Economic Stimulus Package: From 10am on January 20th – Inauguration Day – to midnight on January 23rd, ticket prices for the June 23rd game will be “rolled back” to the Cyclones’ inaugural 2001 season rates: $10 Field Box Seats, $8 Box Seats, $5 Bleacher Seats. Beginning January 24th, tickets will be priced at the regular 2009 rates ($15, $12, $8)
-Universal Health Care: Free Band-Aids to the first 1,000 fans

I can’t even begin to describe the extent to which this is a wet dream for every set of parents in gentrified Brooklyn.  There are two staples of Brooklyn fashion: hooded sweatshirts that say “Brooklyn” (I own at least twelve), and anything with the word “Obama” on it.  They could sell those jerseys for $1000 apiece and they’d still sell out in 40 seconds.

[Curbed via Big League Stew]

Now THAT is change I can believe in.

Oh my God, did you guys see the crazy stuff on TV last night?  MTV totally had a marathon of Paris Hilton’s “My New BFF.”  So awesome.

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Since it’s Election Day, all sorts of businesses that have nothing to do with politics or the election are making half-assed grabs for attention by doing something vaguely election-related.  Take, for example, the blog post you’re reading, or the poll conducted by Gold’s Gym that asked participants which candidate would make a better workout partner. The shocking results, in press release form:

Determined to “weigh in” on a potentially neglected campaign issue, national fitness leader Gold’s Gym conducted a nationwide poll of more than 3,000 gym-goers to determine which of the two candidates
would make the better workout partner… Delivering a landslide victory, Obama captured 70% of the vote to defeat Republican Presidential Candidate John McCain (27%).

Wow.  Truly shocking.  Shocking that 27% of people would rather work out with a septuagenarian whose body was broken so horrifically during Vietnam that he can’t raise his arms above his head.  That’s a way better workout partner than someone a quarter-century younger who stays fit by playing basketball.

But no, great job, Gold’s Gym.  You’ve really gotten to the essence of what this election is all about.  I’m going to write in my vote for Richard Simmons!

Prop 8′s failure would open up the door for man-and-cardboard-cutout unions

ESPN analyst/Hall of Fame quarterback/famous Mormon Steve Young and his family will go against their freakshow church and vote No on Proposition 8 today.  Prop 8, in case you’re not up to speed, would ban same-sex marriage in California.

Young and his wife Barbara have posted yard signs in front of their Palo Alto home urging voters to vote no on Proposition 8…

Barbara Young [Rowr! -Ed.] has also donated about $50,000 to defeat the measure, and says in a statement that the family does not believe in discrimination and “therefore our family will vote against Prop. 8.”

Good for them.  I’m so goddam sick of gay marriage being an issue.  Listen, Christers, the gays aren’t going to be married in your precious church, okay?  They’ll get married in some fake church with some queer-lovin’ Judas presiding.  They’re just looking for some equal rights and tax breaks and stuff that our Constitution sorta promised them.  Don’t worry, they’ll still burn in hell for all eternity for their sodomizing ways.  Isn’t that enough?