"Yoooooooooooooooou suck!"

As always, I apologize in advance for splashing politics into your sports bourbon, but we can’t go a full business week lately without a politician trying to act like he’s a sports expert. In this case, the politician is South Dakota state representative Steve Hickey, who wrote quite the essay on his blog on Saturday about why he doesn’t want mixed martial arts in the Mount Rushmore State, because the state’s Senate Commerce and Energy Commission voted yesterday on a bill to create a state athletic commission to regulate MMA and boxing, among other combat sports.

Hickey, who is also the pastor at Church at the Gate in Sioux Falls, has no problem with South Dakota allowing boxing and traditional martial arts events, but he will be darned to heck if he’s going to let MMA rear its ugly face. And as he’s telling his detractors to “school up” on Twitter, let’s take a look at what kind of lesson he’s teaching.

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Trust me, folks – I hate talking any level of politics on this here sports humor blog, but sometimes I just can’t help but slap my forehead at the time management of our great nation’s elected officials. Today’s tale of “WTF, politicians?” comes from Louisiana, where state senators have voted almost unanimously to demand that the NFL reconsider the punishments handed down to the New Orleans Saints for their role in BOUNTY GATE: THE GATE THAT INVOLVED BOUNTIES™.

Back in March, Rep. Cameron Henry, a Republican from the fine parish of Jefferson, introduced House Concurrent Resolution 50, which basically says that the NFL was wrong to fine the Saints half a million and suspend coach Sean Payton for the year. The bill passed 28-1 and now the Louisiana state legislature demands action by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, or else they will not show their tits for beads. I think that’s how this works.

“There is widespread public opinion throughout the state of Louisiana and beyond that the penalties imposed upon the Saints are too harsh and should be reconsidered,” the resolution says.

Henry’s resolution says that the suspensions “will likely have a negative economic impact across the Crescent City and the state as a whole.” (The Times-Picayune via Pro Football Talk)

Look, I may not be some fancy, big city slicker lawyer type, but I have watched a football game or two in my day, and I’ve certainly enjoyed the treasures of New Orleans on a few occasions. So if I had to make a prediction of how this bill will influence the NFL commish, I’d say: 1) It won’t; B) Nah, it won’t; and III) Seriously, it won’t. But I also don’t think it will affect people traveling to the state either, because as long as people enjoy pissing money away at Harrah’s and sucking down crawfish and beignets, the Big Easy will be fine (see you in November, Cajun Boy!). Just have a few hand grenades and heckles some tourists. This whole mess will be over soon enough.

Worst. Police lineup. Ever.

If you thought that something as silly as constant foot and ankle injuries leading to early retirement were going to stop former Houston Rockets center Yao Ming from dominating the world, you were dead wrong. Yao, after having spent some time adorably tickling a baby panda, has taken his place in the Chinese People’s Political Consultative Conference as a legislative advisor. He’s like the Bill Bradley of China, not because he’s a former athlete turned politician but because he makes his peers look freakishly small.

Of the 142 members of the CPPCC, Yao is the youngest at only 31-years old. Responded the 32-year old blogger writing about Yao’s monumental success, “Yeah, but can he make fart noises with his hands? I think not.”

“Yao said the new title shows trust coming from the people in the city. He had said before that once he decides to do something, he will try his best to accomplish it. So we can trust him that he can balance all aspects of his work and study, and do well in this job,” said Yao’s spokesman Zhang Chi.

But Zhang denied that Yao has any ambitions to have a “political career”.

“The responsibilities for a CPPCC member include offering political consultation, and supervision. What Yao wants is to use his influence to do good deeds for society but not to seek a political position,” Zhang said.

(Via China Daily, which needs new space bars for its computers.)

Good deeds like releasing 6 pandas into the wild and donating his personal three-penis wine to an auction benefiting the Special Olympics East Asia. I’m not saying that Yao’s young age and incredible accomplishments make him any better than most American basketball players, but if Yao and Rasheed Wallace both needed a kidney to live and I was the only match, I could probably be won over with a pet baby panda.

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