Long-time reader Jim — who may or may not have killed a man in prison — alerted me this morning to an Internet sensation that's building a frightening head of steam: meet pole vaulter Allison Stokke (pronounced "stow-key," I believe). Hubba hubba and other grunting sounds.
Why is this particular head of steam frightening, you ask? Well, as best as I can tell from my rudimentary Internet sleuthing, Allison turned 18 less than two months ago, and she's still a senior at Newport Harbor, which last time I checked — and I check often — is a high school. Writing these kinds of posts are precisely why I keep getting mysterious, threatening voicemails from someone that sounds like Chris Hansen. "I'll get you, Ufford!" "You disgust me, sicko!" "Seriously, put some pants on." Et cetera and so on.
Oh, and there's also this: Miss Stokke is one of the best young pole vaulters in the country. She set the U.S. record for a freshman girl at 12'8", and her present personal best is a couple inches off the best high school girls mark. So, that's why I'm honoring her with a post. Because she's an exceptional athlete. Yes.
Oh, and if this YouTube interview is any indication, she takes pole vaulting so seriously that she's unable to detect sarcasm. Which is too bad, because missing sarcastic remarks ends our steamy, illicit romance before it's even begun. That, and the age difference. And the restraining order.
UPDATE: Please go HERE for more pics and some insight into this phenomenon.