There are times in a man’s life where he must approach adversity with determination and resolve, and there are times when he must simply void feces into his little track shorts and hope he doesn’t die.

By way of Fourth-Place Medal comes this video of Russian pole vaulter Dmitry Starodubtsev attempting a 19-foot jump at the 2011 World Championships in Athletics in Deagu, South Korea, and having the worst thing that could ever happen to a pole vaulter happen to him. Okay, somebody could walk up to you with a gun before you vaulted and kill you, but keeping things in the universe of poles and vaulting, this is the worst.

Stradodubtsev (whose last name literally means “star of Dubstep”) hurt his hand in the fall and had to withdraw from the competition, but assuming he had just as good of a chance of flying into the crowd and hurting his everything or ending up with a jagged pole point in his forehead he got off lucky.

Robin Laird, a California high school pole vaulter, just got jobbed at her league championship track meet when she was disqualified for wearing…a friendship bracelet. Some friend she turned out to be…

[Laird] planted the pole, lifted herself into the air and soared easily over the bar to give her team a 66-61 victory. While half the crowd cheered and the other half groaned, Monrovia coach Mike Knowles reacted by pointing to his wrist and gesturing toward Laird, who was wearing a thin, colorful string bracelet.

“This is my 30th year coaching track,” [opposing Monrovia High] coach Mike Knowles said a few days later. “I know a lot of rules and regulations.”

The rule in this case — Section 3, Article 3 of the National Federation of State High School Associations — is clear: “Jewelry shall not be worn by contestants.” So is the penalty, and in the time it takes to read “the competitor is disqualified from the event,” South Pasadena’s win was transformed into a 65-62 victory for Monrovia. –SI.com. Thanks, Ryan.

I don’t get it. When Kobe Bryant fouls out of the game, they don’t take the 20 points that he scored off the scoreboard. If Laird already had completed her vault, that vault should count. But whatever. I have a hard time feeling sorry for some white girl that’s still alive. Especially when she could have just taken the damn bracelet off.

Laird will be attending Southern Cal in the fall. I’m sure she’ll be seeing plenty of poles in her future. You know, like flagpoles and stuff. What did you think I meant?

Look who’s finally comfortable with her status as a sex object. Allison Stokke has finally given into the dark side, claiming that, if she wins Spike TV’s Sexiest Athlete Award, she will show up and claim it. That’s a far cry from 2007 when, on this very site, Allison’s father threatened to murder Ufford in his sleep and molest his dead body in the middle of the town square. Or something like that.

Oddly enough, she’s up for a Guy’s Choice Award against another With Leather fave, table tennis diva Biba Golic. My money’s on the woman with the worse English. No, really, I’m pulling my money out right now. Where is she?

|via DaulerioSpin|

Reader Mickey sent along these photos of Cal freshman Allison Stokke at the Texas Relays, where she placed sixth in the pole vault with a mark of 3.70 meters, or the more America-friendly height of 12' 1.5".

As you can see here, the 19-year-old Stokke is wearing typical pole vaulting gear and engaging in her sport, so this is basically the same thing that everybody shit their pants about last year minus a Chris Hanson joke.  Ooh la la, quel fucking intrigue.

Melanie Adams.  The only downside to that revelation: a disappointing lack of high-resolution pictures.  Today, I'm happy to correct that error.

Word on the street is that Melanie was recently cast in a guest spot for Kids Unlimited, a San Francisco-area TV show that's supposed to go national soon.  Her role: a cheerleader who flirts with one of the show's lead characters.  That's all the information I have right now, so I'm going to go ahead and guess that the character she flirts with is a lesbian stripper or something.  A redheaded lesbian stripper with big boobs? Sure why not.

In the endless wake of a lingering fascination with some female pole vaulter comes another, much cooler female pole vaulter.  Her name is Melanie Adams, and I will happily get in line with all the other sports bloggers to lavish the 20-year-old with praise, attention, and phone calls that consist of nothing but heavy breathing.

She's Australian, therefore born to sweat, and she's been vaulting since the age of 11. She has her sights set on the 2010 Commonwealth Games in Delhi and indeed on the 2012 London Olympics, and she looks up to the aboriginal Aussie Cathy Freeman and Tatiana Grigorieva, the Russian-Australian pole vaulter who won gold at the Commonwealth Games of 2002…

One day, she says, "I'd like to enter the Miss Universe pageant." Only there's a problem. "I'm hoping to build my profile, but it's hard when I'm in Melbourne and they (her modelling agency) are in Sydney."

Probably the best thing about Melanie is that she's okay with a little exposure.  God forbid someone already in the public eye should get some attention from a blog, causing a front-page Washington Post story that draws the highfalutin arbiters of right and wrong out of the woodwork.  Hey shitheads, how about you fuck off and I'll just keep this outpost of free speech intact?  Thanks.

[Fan IQ]