There are times in a man’s life where he must approach adversity with determination and resolve, and there are times when he must simply void feces into his little track shorts and hope he doesn’t die.

By way of Fourth-Place Medal comes this video of Russian pole vaulter Dmitry Starodubtsev attempting a 19-foot jump at the 2011 World Championships in Athletics in Deagu, South Korea, and having the worst thing that could ever happen to a pole vaulter happen to him. Okay, somebody could walk up to you with a gun before you vaulted and kill you, but keeping things in the universe of poles and vaulting, this is the worst.

Stradodubtsev (whose last name literally means “star of Dubstep”) hurt his hand in the fall and had to withdraw from the competition, but assuming he had just as good of a chance of flying into the crowd and hurting his everything or ending up with a jagged pole point in his forehead he got off lucky.

Yelena Isinbayeva is the greatest female pole vaulter her sport has ever seen.  The first and only woman to clear 5 meters, she has dominated her field for the last five years, a feat that continues this summer.  She needed just one jump in the rain on Friday to win the Golden League meet in Paris and keep her in the hunt for a $1 million dollar prize (the Golden League Jackpot goes to whichever athlete or athletes can win their event in six straight European meets — Isinbayeva is one of four athletes in the running after four meets).

Pictured below is Isinbayeva at the Golden League event in Rome earlier this month, which she also won (obviously).  Pictured above?  Well, that one’s from a couple years ago, but it’s one of my favorite shots of her.  It’s a flattering angle, I think.

When the Chief is here, all you get is young, sexy, high school pole vaulters, but when I'm here, you get: 

They shouldn't be allowed to be land on a pad anyway.  If a pole vaulter had to think twice about raising the bar because the subsequent fall may injure his/her life or limb, it would make this sport infinitely more exciting.  And I think it's about time we have more posthumous medals awarded at the Olympics. (2 Indulgences to Simon On Sports for the tip.) -KD

Come back tomorrow for the witty, urbane humor of the handsome J.E. Skeets - remember to send your sexy tips to him at jeskeets@gmail.com on Thursday and Friday. I'm off to do my court-ordered community service. Hey, don't judge me – if they didn't want that statue of St. Teresa of Avila befouled, they shouldn't have left the sacramental wine out in the open.