I can’t claim to know much about the Dutch second division, nor do I know about De Graafschap or SC Veendam. I do, however, know two important things about soccer:

1. If you are a pro soccer player and the goal is wide open, you should probably be able to get it in.
2. “Jumping at the ball like a dolphin” is not an effective way to do this.

That’s what Polish striker Piotr Parzyszek pulled about nine feet in front of the wide-ass-open goal in this clip. He’s going for a header, I guess, and instead just jumped into the air like a fish and failed. Those boos were well-deserved. At first I thought he was trying to flop off his own header, but no, it was simply shame.

I’d also like to recommend that you go back and watch this entire highlight video, because this guy’s name is super funny to me:

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I have to admit that I have been slacking in my fanfare of Polish sports these days, but I’m trying very hard to catch up on such time-honored classics as underwater breath holding and the two-legged race. Classic childhood jokes aside, the country of Poland has some very devoted and proud sports fans, and we should commend them all as shining examples of integrity and honor for sports fans across the world. Of course, for all I know, Polish sports fans are obnoxious hooligans who start riots over nothing, so if that’s the case, then ignore all of that honor crap.

But I do know which Polish fans aren’t starting riots, and that’s the delightful young ladies that make up the Cheerleaders Prokom. Just who exactly are the Cheerleaders Prokom? Beats the hell out of me. But thanks to their website and Google’s basic translation features, I have a slightly better idea now.

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If you aren’t familiar with the works of Popek Rak, he’s a Polish rapper (or “raper”) turned MMA fighter with a career record of 2-1, a desire to mutilate his body in one way or another and nobody telling him to stop being such a dumb idiot.

I have to warn you up front: your introduction to Popek Rak will not be a pleasant one, and both of the videos (after the jump) come with an extreme graphic violence warning. Nobody gets killed or anything, but in the first one Popek gets tattoos ON HIS EYES, and in the second he gets intentional scarification of the face, done by … well, sawing off huge chunks of his face. By the end of the second clip he’s spitting and smoking and bleeding from the entire right side of his head, mumbling about how motherf**kers are no longer jumping on his dick.

Ladies and gentlemen, Popek Rak.

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Say what you want about their submarine doors and flashlights, but Polish people are pretty hellbent on their soccer support. The Lech Poznan under-12 team recently competed in the 2010 Lech Cup and they lost all of their matches, so you’d think they’d be pretty bummed, right? Well they probably weren’t, seeing as the fans of the main club showed up in ridiculous force, putting on a display of support that we’ve never seen before. Ever. I looked it up.

I’m hardly Albert Einstone when it comes to European soccer, so I’ll simply point out the obvious – Polish soccer fans are maniacs. Their support for their child athletes sure beats the hell out of the mandatory one inning of play rule we used to have in Little League and the participation trophies we received. But I guess you could count the players’ dads smoking next to the dugout as a fireworks display. So we had that going for us.

Videos of the insane fans after the jump…

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Our latest media snafu comes from the Polish-language newspaper of Olsztyn, which Wikipedia tells us is the 21st-largest city in Poland. I guess the Poles like their sports news a bit creepier than we do stateside, as they included Pedobear in their Olympic preview.

The Gazeta Olsztynska published an image showing the bear alongside genuine Olympic mascots Quatchi, Sumi, Miga and Mukmuk to illustrate a feature about the Games. –The Telegraph.

I wonder if it’s just a slow news day in Olsztyn. Here’s another crack story that the Gazeta has been working on [translated via Google]

The surgery on the street in Olsztyn Dworcowa the toilet things disappear. Soap and toilet paper disappear after a few hours. I still need to complete the tap knobs, handles mount, and even mechanisms cisterns. See movies!

If they did this in America, the blogs would be totally out of business. I could only hope to see Domo in spring training, or for the Stanley Cup Final telecast to get Rick Rolled, or for the word “FAIL” to flash onscreen during every crash in NASCAR. Remember back in the day when people actually said to each other, “You are the weakest link…goodbye”? That’s where FAIL is now. It’s wanky rhetoric that should be uttered exclusively by old British women. And maybe reality shows involving The Legend of Zelda. Not that I know of that happening anyplace. Thanks, Cooter, for the heads-up.

Polish pro basketball team that may or may not be called Prokom Trefl Sopot.  And I don't speak a word of Polish, but the good news for us is that "cheerleader" in Polish is "cheerleader," so I had a pretty easy time finding these girls.  There's isn't anything sexy enough to really blow your mind, but the girls put on their dancing shoes and show off their flexibility on their individual bio pages.  So let the debate begin: who's your favorite Agnieszka?  Agnieszka Å»elewska or Agnieszka Wojewódzka?  I've got Agnieszka fever*!

*Deadly, no known cure