The decision by the fine folks at Sports Illustrated to name LeBron James the Sportsman of the Year for 2012 is hardly shocking. If anything, the only surprise to come from this latest award for the self-proclaimed “King” is that he’s just the 6th NBA player to ever receive the honor, joining Dwayne Wade (’06), Tim Duncan and David Robinson (’03), Michael Jordan (1991), Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (1985) and Bill Russell (1968). As for the actual merits and what this award actually represents, though, does James actually deserve it?

Sure. Why not?

To be very honest, I spent most of the morning trying to think of anyone who deserved this honor over James, and I came up with very few results. At first, I wanted to write a Skip Bayless-esque Jason Whitlock-ian essay about why it should have been Dwight Howard, but that really wouldn’t have been any fun for you. Then, I wanted to come up with the “GRRRRRRRR, I HATE LEBRON JAMES!” list of reasons why he doesn’t deserve the award, but that attitude has sort of run its course.

And let’s face it, once the Miami Heat won the NBA championship and took away our nuclear arsenal against the easiest man in sports to hate, this Sportsman of the Year recognition was locked up. He would have had to eaten, digested and pooped out a trash can full of puppies on a Fox News special, hosted by Glenn Beck and Chris Matthews, while Keith Olbermann and Bill O’Reilly wrestled orphans in a pool of pudding to lose this thing.

But I’ll let SI’s brass explain why James deserves this.

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Last month, the incomparable Will Leitch wrote probably the most poignant piece to date on how American sports fans and TV audience can best combat ESPN’s resident troll, Skip Bayless. Essentially, the point was “Just don’t watch, don’t feed the troll” and he was right to an extent. The problem is that the average sports fan – the kind that takes sports way too seriously and can’t handle someone criticizing his team – is the little fish taking the bait every time. That’s why First Take has solid ratings, and that’s why ESPN has shamefully embraced the debate format over actual news.

The other problem is that even the big fish can’t ignore Bayless’ shiny lure, as we’ve already seen Chad Johnson “debate” Bayless and Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban “own” him. It’s just too bad that even when Bayless is being “owned”, he wins because people tuned in. Ultimately, we can only stop Bayless by completely ignoring him, and that’s not going to happen anytime soon, thanks to Kevin Durant being his latest mark.

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The U.S. Men’s Basketball Team handily defeated France yesterday or the day before or whenever the hell NBC taped it, as Kevin Durant and LeBron James made it look way too easy in a 98-71 victory. France’s bottle-popping point guard Tony Parker led us to believe that his team of baguette-bangers would give the Americans a headache, but with James playing in another universe right now, that doesn’t seem quite possible.

Unfortunately, instead of focusing on simply how well this team is playing – despite a few flaws that shouldn’t really factor into a gold medal victory – we’re still doing it. We’re still having this stupid ass conversation. Could James and the 2012 USA team defeat the 1992 Dream Team that featured the NBA’s greatest legends? The answer is no. Not because the Dream Team was better, but because we cannot manipulate time to get these two teams on the same court at the same time.

But that’s a fact, and facts are stupid when it comes to printing lazy journalism – like, say, suggesting that Michael Phelps used steroids. Hey LeBron, why don’t you tell us about your focus and intensity and how they relate to you being able to throw a missile bounce pass across the court for a perfect assist? Haha, just kidding. Give us some forced rhetoric instead.

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I was cleaning out my inbox yesterday (which is an awesome euphemism for a trip to the OB-GYN, ladies) when I came across the above picture of a Baltimore Orioles fan wearing his customized Nick Markakis jersey. I meant to post this last month when it was originally Tweeted and posted at Buzzfeed, but I lead a crazy life of freebased cocaine and toddler fight clubs, so sometimes I get distracted. Regardless, the above jersey, sent to me by a New York Yankees friend of mine, incited a great debate between me and said friend – we’ll call him Doucheknuckle for the sake of fluidity.

Doucheknuckle thinks that customized jerseys are stupid and should only be worn by small children, and yet he also agrees with me that children should be kept in a large cage in stadium basements, but that’s another debate. Meanwhile, I believe that customized jerseys are fun if done with creativity and genuineness, or at least recognizing rivalries and insulting other players. After all, people will probably think I’m a tool if I get a jersey with Burns on the back, and I’d rather people think I’m a tool for my collection of mesh tank tops. However, it would be acceptable if I purchased a customized Wilmington Quicksteps jersey to honor my great-great-grand-uncle Thomas P. “Oyster” Burns.

Either way, I’ve gathered my proof that customized jerseys are fun if they’re done in jest and, more significantly, attack a rival team. Feel free to weigh in and take the side of a guy named Doucheknuckle.

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