As we learned the other day, Los Angeles Lakers star Kobe Bryant and his wife, Vanessa, gave their two young daughters the greatest gift of them all this year – a lifetime of two Christmases. The Bryants are divorcing after a 10-year marriage that began when the two met on the set of a rap video, which is just a shame because rap video marriages are supposed to last forever.

However now, not even a week after the story broke, another rap video starlet is being dragged through the mud, and this time it’s not for a feature in Dirty Girls magazine. Former Playboy Playmate Jessica Burciaga was named by TMZ as Bryant’s mistress, and the 28-year old cover model of Performance Auto and Sound and Lowrider magazines is irate over it.

Read the rest of this entry »

We really do.

[via High Definite]

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

The Ten Most Ridiculous Skyrim Bugs and Glitches So Far - I’m still bummed about losing Lydia in that battle with Malkoran. Thanks for teleporting me through the door she can’t unlock, you stupid lightbulb God. I tried waiting forever and fast traveling but she was nowhere to be found, and eventually it told me she got tired of waiting and left. Frown. [Unreality]

This Is Why You Don’t Propose Marriage on National TV, Doofus - Poor guy. You’re supposed to propose beforehand, then stage it to look like a real proposal so you can be on TV. [Warming Glow]

8 Pop Culture Droste Effect GIFS That Will Blow Your Mind - I haven’t been this happy to learn a term since The Venture Bros. taught me “the Valsalva maneuver” [UPROXX]

10 Terrible Pieces of Merchandise Angry Birds is Pushing Its Luck With This Christmas - Remember when South Park was like this, and every store had like TIMMY UMBRELLA CARTMAN INFLATABLE PLUSH CANOE MR. GARRISON BEAN BAG CHAIR FILLED WITH GAK and we thought it’d last forever? [Gamma Squad]

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Poster Is Cool, I Guess - I’m really, really tired of crap like this. I’m more excited for the actual Abraham Lincoln movie. [Film Drunk]

The Most Terrifying Celebrity Faces Of 2011 - Ali Lohan is terrifying. [Buzzfeed]

No One Is Buying Lindsay Lohan Edition Of Playboy - And speaking of Lohans, “she didn’t show enough pussy” is the funniest and worst complaint about Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy spread. Have you ever SEEN a Playboy? Did you expect a lot of DP shots? [FARK]

Beetles Dressed As ‘Jurassic Park’ Characters Could Be the Weirdest Thing on the Internet - It makes me laugh, it makes me confused AND it makes me want to watch Jurassic Park again. Win win win. [The FW]

We’re Never Going Back. 8 Sh*tty “Lost” Knock-Offs - Nothing better than clues to a mystery that nobody intends to solve, am I right? There’s got to be a happy medium between Lost and Modern Family. [Pajiba]

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

Direct Messaging For UPROXX Commenters Is Here! - I’m still not 100% on why this is necessary, but hey, new feature! [UPROXX]

The Best Of #Troy And Abed - Cool. Cool cool cool. [UPROXX]

Re-Take: 25 Celebs Playboy Should Have Spent A Million Bucks On - Some of these are great, but come on, Christina Hendricks? She’s pretty, but the Playboy Photoshoppers would break their hands. [Smoking Section]

If Your 5 Favorite Memes Offered Online Degrees - None of these are as funny as the Education Connection Girl. “I WENT on the inter-NET!” Fantasy threesome: me, Flo from Progressive, the Education Connection lady. [Gamma Squad]

James Franco Reviewed Twilight - So did I. “Twilight is terrible, everybody knows that, right? Okay, the end.” [Film Drunk]

Game of Thrones Teaser Trailer: Needs More Tyrion Bitch-Slapping Joffrey - I was going to watch season one of ‘Game Of Thrones’, but then I took an arrow in the knee. [Warming Glow]

This Jim Henson Tribute Art Show Rainbow Connects With Our Hearts - Argh, my heart. Seriously, even pictures of Jim Henson make me want to burst into tears now. [UPROXX]

The Best And Horrifically Worst Of The 2011 Air Sex World Championships - In case you missed it yesterday, here are a few of the bravest people in Texas making love to ghosts. [With Leather]

Plastic Bag Turns Boring TV Interview Into Must-See TV - This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. [The FW]

Friendly Waving Bear Is Friendly, Waving - I don’t know if Reddit knows it or not, but YouTube is FULL of videos of bears waving. I’m surprised this isn’t a thing already. [High Definite]

Game Over: The Greatest Video Game Maneuver Ever Accomplished - Like every story you’ve heard someone tell a cashier at Gamestop come to life. Let’s get the Mythbusters or whoever to see if somebody could do this in real life. [Unreality]

25 Things You Didn’t Know About Three Amigos - haha I didn’t know there were 25 THINGS about Three Amigos. [Moviefone]

The 10 Most Bad Ass Movie Posters of 2011 - Somehow “Harry Potter looking at Voldemort” got called “bad ass”. We have weird standards. [Pajiba]

Way to go, Governor Goodhair, now you’re a meme.

Links

There’s Already A Majora’s Mask Remake, It’s Called Skyward Sword - True story: I was more excited for Twilight Princess than any video game in history. I kept up with news, put in pre-orders, everything. It got pushed back. Then it got pushed back farther. And farther. Then it was on a different system. By the time it actually came out we’d grown apart and it was blurry as f**k, and I never played past that stupid part where you have to fish and herd goats, or whatever. I changed, Zelda, and you didn’t. [Gamma Squad]

‘Modern Family’: The Most Effortlessly Predictable Show On TV - I agree with this, but wonder how funny it would’ve been to have had the Internet back when shows didn’t have to be dynamic. “WHY HAVEN’T SANFORD AND SON CHANGED THEIR RELATIONSHIP AT ALL THIS IS RIDICULOUS” [Warming Glow]

The KSK Sex & Fantasy Football Mailbag, Now Christian Friendly - I started my own Afternoon Snooze Button site, but it wasn’t on the Internet, and it turns out I was just on a ton of drugs. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Really, Lionsgate? An American Psycho Remake? - So they’re “updating” and “modernizing” it, and best case scenario it’ll come out looking something like the Mila Kunis vehicle American Psycho: American Psychoer, The Chickening. [Film Drunk]

The New New Twitter Design Sure Looks Pretty - Awesome, now I can be ignored by celebrities and called the f-word on a more aesthetically pleasing interface! [UPROXX]

Pulp Fiction In Chronological Order Validates YouTube’s Time Limit Increase - They should modernize and reimagine and update Pulp Fiction, because the milkshake should be 15 dollars. [UPROXX]

Works Of Art: Rap’s 33 Most Memorable Illustrated Album Covers - Come for Drake getting cover ideas from Threadless, stay for “Lord Willin’”, the only time Jesus has ever been to Virginia Beach. [Smoking Section]

Video: Countdown To UFC 140 - I’d cover UFC more often, but I don’t want you guys to start leaving me GAWD IS THIS JUST AN MMA SITE NOW?? comments. [Cage Potato]

Lindsay Lohan Playboy Cover Leaks - Now all we need is for Jennifer Love Hewitt to wait until she’s 45 and pose pregnant or something to complete the biggest cock letdown in human history. [Buzzfeed]

The 10 Best Episodes of NBC’s Community - The top 3 are definitely right, but I would’ve moved paintball to third and found somewhere for Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas. [Pajiba]

I miss when everything in hip-hop looked like it was the ‘A Different World’ opening credits.

Links

Obits: Heavy D Dead At 44 - Rest in peace, Overweight Lover. [Smoking Section]

Do The Right Thing, Which Also Happens To Be The Smart Thing, Nickelback! - What kind of compassionate God takes Heavy D and leaves Nickelback? Chad Nickelback needs to record a nerdcore dubstep record in his free time and stop only being the Nickelback guy. [UPROXX]

TV Gourmet: Making the Steak-Tanic from ‘Happy Endings’ - I can’t believe someone watched Happy Endings long enough to make a TV Gourmet entry about it. It’s like Elisha Cuthbert showed up to the TV studio and said “hey, let’s make Scrubs, but only the relationshippy parts”. [Warming Glow]

“Modern Warfare 3″: The Best And The Worst Game Of The Year - When you shoot a guy, it really looks like you’re shooting a guy. Does Modern Warfare 3 have a thing where you can grapnel boost? Because if it doesn’t, it isn’t game of the year. [Gamma Squad]

New Robocop Will Be An Origin Story, Basically - Big f**king surprise. Get to the Robocopping parts. [Film Drunk]

Dr. Drew Keeps It Classy - This is a waste of everybody’s time, but to his credit I really wish my job was grabbing teen boobs to prove they’re real. [Warming Glow]

Seanbaby’s Library of a Madman – Catflexing - I can’t believe that it’s been 15 years and Seanbaby hasn’t evolved even 1%. He even has the same haircut. Come on, Seanbaby, even Tucker Max started telling different sushi pants stories. [Adult Swim]

10 Crime Shows From the ’80s That Need a Reboot - That one where Ernie Reyes Jr. jumpkicks two guys at once. [The FW]

Skeletor To Appear in Playboy Next Meth…Er…Month - Calling women “skeletor” is so 1998. Regardless, you can just google “Lindsay Lohan fake nudes” and find pictures just as realistic as the ones you’ll see in next month’s Playboy. RELEASE THE UNEDITED PHOTOS, HEF. [FARK]

The Rita Bennett Problem: Why Are So Many Great TV Dramas Weighed Down by Horrible, Annoying Female Characters? - They aren’t, we just hate women, so when women have antagonistic qualities we don’t think they’re cool, we think they’re “bitches”. [Pajiba|]

Where Are They Now? The Cast of Doogie Howser - I know the one had an Amy Winehouse corpse at his Halloween party, don’t know about the rest of them. [Unreality]

Accurate Airplane Seating Chart - Funny because it’s true. If he was trying to get over as a comic today, Seinfeld’s act would’ve been nothing but links to the Internet. [High Definite]

I hear it makes a great chew toy!

Links

Bleacher Creatures: Collect Them All, Put On A Creepy Puppet Show - I’d buy these, but I’m afraid they’ll try to teach me parables about Christianity. Especially the Kurt Warner one. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

The Seven Most Insanely Dangerous Combat Sports Ever Invented - I love the guy in the X-Arm video being all “oh wow a former champion it’s an honor to be working with him” when the work they’re doing is arm wrestling + kicking. [Cage Potato]

These Vintage Mad Men Playboy Covers Are Pretty F-ing Fantastic - Hell’s balls, Trudy! [UPROXX]

‘Playboy Club’ Wins Race to Be First Cancellation of the Season! - Who knew a show about a sex club on network TV wouldn’t do well? Good luck to Amber Heard, who probably already has three failed shows lined up for next year. [Warming Glow]

Star Trek And Star Wars Quiet Books Are Homemade Awesome - These are neat, and legitimately the best thing made with “Star Wars” on it since like 1980. [Gamma Squad]

New York Man Takes Wicker Man Cosplay Too Far - This sounds too much like a plot from ‘The Brady Bunch’. I was hoping this would be about a guy who covered himself with sticks and set himself on fire. [Film Drunk]

Four Loko Folds Under FTC Pressure, Updates Alcohol Content Warning - The new warning reads, “Why are you drinking this? Do you hate yourself?” and possibly “#areyouseriousbro” [Smoking Section]

Chris Christie’s Presidential Announcement (With Fat Cats) - This is the future of news. The next time something like 9/11 happens, we’re gonna have to put up with the rainbow pop tart cat flying around in the background. [Buzzfeed]

Thomas Jane Pretty Much Just Said That As A Struggling Actor He’d Have Sex With Men For Sandwiches Or Something - He’s just trying to get his kids back. [FARK]

9 Television Shows from the ’60s That Haven’t Been Made into Movies… Yet - Speaking of The Brady Bunch, I’m gonna go watch that movie again. “YES, I’M IN THE MIDDLE.” [Moviefone|

The Perfect Halloween Costume for One-Legged Ladies - If you don't like this, you can always be Zach Gowen. [The Daily What]

Mindhole Blowers: 20 Facts About Bridesmaids That Might Make You Sh*t Your Pants - Oh man, these facts! My pants! [Pajiba]