America’s most fabulous figure skater is getting his own reality show. No, not Tonya Harding. I mean Team USA’s Johnny Weir. Weir will have his every upcoming move chronicled in the Sundance Channel’s “Be Good Johnny Weir,” an eight-part documentary that premieres tonight at 10:30. Go ahead and set your TiVo. I’ll wait.

I don’t know why anyone would make such a big deal about an allegedly gay athlete, especially after one played quarterback at Notre Dame so recently. Regardless, I still like Weir more than that Apolo Anton Ohno guy. At least Weir doesn’t have some teenage girl’s bush stuck to his face. –BuzzFeed, via @jamiemottram

Do you care about other people's power rankings? If you answered yes, then you are a dipshit. If not, then these are the power rankings for you.

1. The usual.

2. The art of athletic massage.  Hey ladies, who wants some massage oil?

3. Quarterbacks.  The week in photos: Carson Palmer sucks on a wiener, Brady Quinn's inspired by the Village People, and Tony Romo needs a red carpet fashion consultant.

4. Belgian politics.  Specifically, Tania Dervaux.  She could solve a lot of problems in America.  Like the nation's tragic boner epidemic.

5. Mormons.  They're XTREME!  And the Jazz closed out the Warriors, which counts for something.

6. Reggie Bush.  He's living on the edge by nailing Kim Kardashian.  Definitely risky, but in the end, probably worth it.  He's a running back — he'll be dead by 33 anyway.

7. Soccer.  Much less boring when played in the mud by hot chicks in underwear.  Brunettes versus blondes again?

8. Breakdancing.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for kicking that adorable toddler. 

9. Ladder racing.  Someone must have been awfully bored. 

10. New features!  The weekly Power Rankings will now end with a random YouTube video of my choosing.  This week, following the resounding backlash at KSK when I shared Episodes 1 and 2 of "Planet Unicorn," I've decided to share Episode 3 here.