One of the NFL’s many official sponsors, Prilosec OTC has a new campaign called “A Better Way to Tailgate” to help fans avoid eating and drinking things that will give them heartburn, and that’s cool, because I suffer from heartburn a lot and I appreciate a billion dollar pharmaceutical company trying to knock the chili dog out of my fat mouth.

But to really hammer home their point, the makers of Prilosec have hired Larry the Cable Guy to travel to NFL games and interact with fans, because he is apparently also a frequent heartburn sufferer and he represents the average, blue collar NFL fan. Larry, whose real name is Dan Whitney, attended Thursday night’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Cleveland Browns, as well as yesterday’s Baltimore Ravens-Indianapolis Colts game.

And I could get into some long rant about how much I can’t stand Larry or how I’d be irate if my team was letting him run around in a jersey or wave a Terrible Towel, but nobody can ever break down the mystique of Larry’s success better than the late Greg Giraldo.

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For all intents and purposes, Cleveland’s 14-3 loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers wasn’t that big of a deal.

It was a defensive struggle. The Browns went into the game 4-8 against the 9-3 Steelers, so dropping a game on the road by only 11 points is pretty good. That’s sorta the running theme of being a Cleveland sports fan, you have to watch the Indians do well through June and finish the season clinging to second place in the worst division in baseball going “hey, this isn’t so bad!” Or the alternative, “CLEVELAND HAS WASTED THE LAST 20 YEARS OF MY LIFE, GO CLEVELAND.”

Because I’m not a Lead Football Analyst I can’t provide any insights you wouldn’t catch watching guys talk over a game, but what I can do is show you ten photos from the game and cut to the heart of the situation, bypassing photo service captions like “#18 makes a tackle on December 8, 2011″ with easier to handle captions like “look at this football team suck a f**king dick, you guys”.

So, enjoy that.

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"You tell them that you're the little girl."

The 6-2 Baltimore Ravens have won both of their games against the Pittsburgh Steelers this season, making them the huge favorites to win the AFC North. Granted, they could play like they did against the Jacksonville Jaguars and let the shockingly 6-2 Cincinnati Bengals win the division, or they could even let the 6-3 Steelers right back into it, too. So you’d think that coach John Harbaugh and his boys would want to hold their heads high after sweeping their bitter enemy and build momentum heading into their next game.

Maybe. But first they have to complain about the music that was used by the Steelers’ PA crew during Sunday night’s game. Apparently those no-good meanies were using special songs to make fun of Ravens QB Joe Flacco. Because that doesn’t happen in any sport ever.

Before Baltimore’s game-winning, 92-yard drive late in the fourth quarter, the Jumbotron at Heinz Field flashed an image comparing the stats of Ben Roethlisberger and Joe Flacco while the Lynyrd Skynyrd song “What’s Your Name” blared from the public-address system. The chorus of the 1977 hit begins with, “What’s your name, little girl?”

(Via NFL.com)

Flacco told a reporter that he didn’t even notice it, but Harbaugh was still pissed enough to make a big deal out of it. Good thing he wasn’t playing the New Orleans Saints and heard them blasting Katy Perry’s “You’re So Gay” between every play. At least I assume they do that, because I would if Randall Gay were on my team.

We don’t cover clips from ‘The Colbert Report’ as much as our friends at UPROXX, but last night’s sports-rich segment, starting with the NFL fining Troy Polamalu for concussion-dialing his wife on the sideline and ending with Colbert’s second pro-NBA-owner Colbert Super PAC ad (with Mark Cuban’s face superimposed on the American flag), was glorious and needs to be shared.

I won’t pretend I can say it better than Colbert. Here’s the accompanying press release for the video:

Colbert Super PAC has decided to take its talents to a new TV ad about the ongoing NBA contract negotiations. The spot, entitled “Ball Gag,” attacks NBA Commissar David Stern’s “gag rule,” which bars team owners like Mark Cuban from talking to press, friends, or even their own spouses.

The spot, the second in a planned quadrilogy, is made possible by a generous donation from Colbert Super PAC S.H.H., an independent nonprofit which does not reveal its benefactors’ names, donation amount, or what (if any) NBA team they own.

“My beloved game of ball-in-hoop is in danger, and David Stern is throwing elbows, kneecapping team owners right in the mouth.” said Stephen Colbert, President and MVP for Colbert Super PAC and Colbert Super PAC S.H.H. “You know who else supports Cuban censorship? Fidel Castro. It seems to me that Commissioner Stern needs to either grow a beard, or let owners speak their minds.”

You can check out the rest of the press release after the jump. He’s totally right, I turn to that Fort Worth station I don’t get in Austin for all of my Texas news.

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Check out what Troy Polamalu’s up to this season: promoting Head And Shoulders by posing as a wax figure and coming to life Kim Cattrall style to scare people at Madame Tussaud’s in Hollywood. And, uh, losing to the Texans!

Some of the better reactions in the video include a child who doesn’t know what a posing arm implies, an old man who says Troy Polamalu looks “a little” like Troy Polamalu and the girl at the :49 second mark who shoves him in the chest and almost fumbles the ball. I feel pretty jipped by this video, I’ve got to say. I was in Hollywood and walked by Madame Tussaud’s a few weeks ago, and the only living wax creature I saw was a guy in the lobby dressed like Rambo.

I’m not 100% on how this promotes shampoo (I mean previous to this were we supposed to believe he washed his hair with a stone, or what), but it’s pretty awesome, Steelers fan or no. They should do this gag with other players. Have Ben Roethlisberger stand still in the Madame Tussaud’s bathroom with his pants down and see how many people fall for it.

[h/t Shutdown Corner]

I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong about something, so I had no problem making fun of myself yesterday while Ray Rice made me and the Pittsburgh Steelers look incredibly foolish. In fairness, my fantasy football rankings were doomed because I wrote them too early, since I would clearly never take Arian Foster and his hamstring with the first pick, but more importantly because Rice was going to benefit from the disappearances of Willis McGahee, now ruining Knowshon Moreno’s value in Denver, and Le’Ron McClain, who of course joined Jamaal Charles in Kansas City.

With that said, I’ve never claimed to be an expert. So I tip my cap to those of you who nabbed Rice in the Top 5 because it’s pretty clear that he, LeSean McCoy, and maybe even Matt Forte are poised to become the cream of the RB crop this year. That is, if every player in the league isn’t on the injured reserve by Week 4.

Then again, it’s also only Week 1, so I shouldn’t be crowning anyone. But if Rice and his 149 all-purpose yards and 2 TDs against the Pittsburgh Steelers don’t impress you, then I guess you are more foolish than I.