We Love Sports! Let’s Make Ourselves Look As Hideous As Possible!

Written by Brandon Stroud / 03.08.13

LeBron James haircut

It’s Friday, which means we’re all tired and ready to go home. It also means that we’re more open to ridiculing people similar to ourselves (sports fans) who have made horrible life decisions, because what’s wrong with you, we’re just trying to lay low and go home.

I’ve been trying to figure out which of these is worse — the guy who got the Miami Heat logo and the word “LeBron” shaved into his head, or the guy who got a Pittsburgh Steelers Terrible Towel” tattoo on his shoulder. You know, so it looks like he’s got a towel on his shoulder. FOREVER.

Let’s compare and contrast them:

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Channing Tatum Is The Reason That The Pittsburgh Steelers Lost Yesterday

Written by Ashley Burns / 12.10.12

Even with Ben Roethlisberger back from injury, the Pittsburgh Steelers were no match for the San Diego Chargers yesterday, what with their “Holy crap, we should play better so we aren’t all fired or traded” realization and effort. The Chargers defeated the Steelers 34-24 in a game that was much worse than the score indicates, with Philip Rivers tossing three touchdowns and upping his trade value to the Arizona Cardinals this offseason.

So what do the Steelers owe this loss to? Some may say that their secondary is just so beat up right now and that’s why Danario Alexander torched them for two touchdowns. Others might say it’s the lack of a true ground game that forced the Steelers offense from the field so quickly early in the game. But I know the real reason, and his name is Channing Tatum.

Our boy C-Tates was on hand at Heinz Field yesterday to lead the Steeler faithful in the Terrible Towel Twirl, and he looked fantastic doing it in a Detroit Tigers hat. But even more important than Mr. Sports Bandwagon hurting the Steelers’ already diminished playoff chances is his revelation that something sinister is brewing in the Steel City…

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With Leather’s Watch This: Oh Thank God We Get To Watch The Chiefs Tonight

Written by Ashley Burns / 11.12.12

I’m not going to pile on the Kansas City Chiefs like I did with the Jacksonville Jaguars last week, because that’s low hanging fruit and people have already complained enough about them being on Monday Night Football. I also won’t bitch about it, because the Chiefs are going to be the main reason that this game will be hilarious, specifically because Pittsburgh Steelers offensive coordinator and former Chiefs head coach Todd Haley is super pissed off at Kansas City.

After reports that the Chiefs haven’t been paying Haley the money they still owe him, I’d expect for the Steelers to be scoring often tonight. As often as they possibly can. Until every small child in the greater Kansas City area has his or her own YouTube crying video. And even then, I don’t expect Haley to be content.

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The Ben Roethlisberger Fantasy Football Stat Correction Heard Around The World

Written by Ashley Burns / 10.12.12

With about 5 minutes remaining in the second quarter of Sunday’s win over the Philadelphia Eagles, Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger checked down to Rashard Mendenhall for a 13-yeard touchdown and the first score of the game. I watched it happen live and I remember it because I texted a friend who started Mendenhall in fantasy football to say, “Smart move.” It also made me feel stupid for thinking Jonathan Dwyer was going to be “the Steelers’ Darren Sproles” but I’m an idiot and we all know that.

What I didn’t realize is that the touchdown was credited to Mendenhall as a run, which means that the 7 points (or 7.3 or 6, depending on how your league scores) only went to the RB and not Roethlisberger in fantasy league scoring. At the time, that was fine, because you just shrug it off and hope for more points from your other players. But yesterday morning this wasn’t fine, because the TD was correctly attributed to Roethlisberger. Guess what that means.

That play alone swung results in 20,000 matchups this week, including a tussle involving our very own Handsome Hank and his Violent Executioners.

That’s right — nearly 70,000 NFL.com fantasy users woke up Thursday with a different record than they had the night before, 40,000 because of one Big (Ben) stat correction. The siren call of the fantasy gods is mighty on this day. (Via NFL.com)

This affected a girl that I know and girls are irrational and insane, so I assume that I haven’t heard from her because she’s on a 13-state homicidal spree. Thankfully, it didn’t happen to me, because I wouldn’t be writing this. I’d be in prison, awaiting trial on 14 charges of pooping on NFL officials’ doorsteps. In fact, after the jump, I’ve included some GIFs of appropriate reactions for anyone whose fantasy wins were overturned because of this correction.

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Since When Does Ben Roethlisberger Ask Girls To Call Him?

Written by Brandon Stroud / 08.21.12

pittsburgh-steelers-call-me-maybeIt’s been a busy off-season for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Ben Roethlisberger spoke out in favor of Tim Tebow, Wiz Khalifa offered up a lazy remix as an inspiring new anthem and most of the team got murdered by Bane. No, not Bane Kiffin, the regular one. It’s also been a busy off-season for With Leather, muddling through nearly three months of constant, incessant ‘Call Me Maybe’ covers.

Now those off-seasons come together with the Pittsburgh Steelers Training Camp Carly Rae Jepson tribute video you’ve been waiting for. It’s mostly just training camp highlights (and some Make-A-Wish stuff) with Steelers players holding telephones sprinkled throughout, but YouTube is convinced that this is certifiable proof that Pittsburgh is horrible at football and will never win a game again.

Example:

So what do you think? Is this video a sports curse for gay jerks, or football players briefly opening a port-a-potty door for a team PR guy and using the remaining 99.9999% of their time to practice? The first one sounds way more reasonable.

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Women Be Shoppin’… For NFL Gear

Written by Ashley Burns / 08.15.12

Two weeks ago, the NFL announced that it had signed some pretty heavy hitters to endorse a new line of fan gear for women, and while it’s not as awesome as when the league did this, it’s still a hell of a statement. Based on the fact that women comprise nearly half of pro football’s fan base, the NFL has brought in some powerful female figures to introduce Jane Everywoman to the “It’s My Team” gear, and the first images hit the webs today.

Among those powerful women are Miami Dolphins 1% owner Serena Williams and former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, who is repping her Cleveland Browns gear. Obviously she’s not a Buffalo Bills fan because Jack Donaghy eventually owns them, and he plays the flute, which is worse than the piano. Sports!

“Forty-five percent of fans are female and that continues to grow,” says Tracey Bleczinski, vice president of NFL consumer products. “We do have something for everyone, and this campaign aims to communicate that if you are living and wearing football, you can do it every day, year-round.”

Meanwhile, New York Jets owner Woody Johnson’s wife, Suzanne, is appearing in the ads and she wants women to understand it’s about infusing fashion with a lady’s gameday attire, so she can look good when the New York crowd starts chanting, “Show your t*ts!”

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