Philadelphia Phillies ballgirl Genevieve Haney made a great catch during Monday’s game against the Brewers at Citizens Bank Park. How do we know? MLB.com put it up and made it embeddable. Those guys don’t make World Series wins embeddable. So good for you, Genevieve, you’ve made it.

Because we’re perverts, we checked out Genevieve’s Twitter and discovered that she, like so many beautiful young women, are obsessed with Instagram. Think of her as Philadelphia foul territory’s Paulina Gretzky. We’ve put together a gallery of some of our favorite Phillies Ballgirl Instagrams, so check it out. They’ll be available for almost two hours before Busted Coverage puts action fonts on them and calls them an exclusive gallery.

And before you read my mind, yes, the Phillie Phanatic shows up in at least one of them.

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The Phillie Phanatic (a person/bird/thing I legitimately love more than most members of my family) is out for revenge. After traveling home to the Galapagos Islands to learn about his heritage and selflessly building homes for the less fortunate, what does he find? That a recent poll from the celebrity Davie-Brown Index ranked him as only the second-best mascot in the game … behind Mr. Met.

And yeah, I’m guessing the poll was 80% New Yorkers naming the only mascot they could remember, but that’s a travesty. A Jim Henson creation who has set the bar for mascot excellence for almost 40 years finishes behind a guy with a baseball head, because “baseball”. A f**king disgrace.

The Phanatic paid a visit to the New York Mets announce booth to address the situation, if we take “address the situation” to mean “polish Gary Cohen’s head” and make people wear cheesesteak hats. At least he got Cohen to say he likes his with whiz. The Phanatic isn’t as aggressive as I’d like him to be.

Video is below.

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“Sorry, homeless people, your house isn’t gonna be ready on time. We let a giant bird help us and he mostly just f**ked around and put holes in the wall.”

Or, if you prefer:

The Phillie Phanatic came to 1450 Marston Street to help Habitat Philadelphia staff put the finishing touches on the home for the Marston Family! :)

I think the only thing I like writing about more than fake fighting and Kate Upton is the Phillie Phanatic, the undisputed king of mascots (suck it, Paws) and the only living-ish entity who can make me watch four minutes of someone pretending to hit their thumb with a hammer. If I could have one person build a home for me it would be the Phanatic, and I’d be happy living in a ramshackle hut put together by someone who for all intents and purposes does not have eyes.

Phanatic should take his homebuilding skills to ‘Extreme Makeover: Home Edition’ and build somebody a room filled with nothing but bald guys who need their scalp rubbed with a towel and looked into like a mirror.

[h/t to Marty Cozzola]

In “piece of information included in passing that we’re contractually obligated to cover” news:

[Minnesota Twins star Justin] Morneau has been taking infield before every game, and said he also expects to be play some first base before that series in Milwaukee.

“I’ve been over there, trying to keep myself in shape, my legs in shape, and to stay sharp for whenever I get out there,” Morneau said. “It’s just a matter of time.”

Morneau entered Saturday’s game hitting .231 with a homer and two doubles, and said he’s still trying to adjust to serving as designated hitter. He said Thursday that he plans on calling former Twins DH Jim Thome for advice. (via MLB.com)

That call, presented in its entirety, is today’s edition of The Dugout: Opening Days ’12.

[h/t to Matt Dillon]

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Nightmares. Nightmares.

Links

The 10 Freakiest Commercials of 2011 - That ‘Dead Island’ announcement trailer really is fantastic, and I wish any part of the actual game was as good as it. Also, I want somebody to make a Skyrim trailer like this with a guy taking an arrow in the knee in reverse, ending with him as an adventurer like me. [Warming Glow]

The Robert Downey Jr. Acting Venn Diagram - I feel like Chaplin should be in here somewhere. [UPROXX]

This Week in Posters: Battleships, Ghost Riders, & Spider-Men - The funniest thing I’m going to see all week is another goddamn Spider-Man origin story advertised as “untold”. Starving kids in Africa know Spider-Man’s origin, just shut up and make him fight Electro. [Film Drunk]

Four Theories on Why the Internet Has Such a Massive Almost Unexplainable Crush on Alison Brie - Nice science, Pajiba. She’s a gorgeous woman who seems nice and she has big boobs, end of experiment. [Pajiba]

Observe The Phanatic In Its Natural Habitat - I didn’t want this to get bumped completely off the page yet, because it’s one of the best things I’m ever going to share with you. [With Leather]

Before Hollywood Ruins Them: 15 Sci-Fi and Supernatural Scripts On The 2011 Black List - Somebody throw Seven Hill City on there, I’ve almost convinced people to just come film it guerrilla style in Austin. [Gamma Squad]

Waka Flocka On Wiz Khalifa’s Success: “All Hype” - Also, payola. [Smoking Section]

Christina Hendricks Is Johnnie Walker’s New Internet Sales Rep - hey christina, your boobs would look a lot better if you didn’t smash them against your chest and throttle yourself with them [UPROXX]

Stop Whatever You’re Doing And Watch This Video Of Dogs Hanging Out Of Car Windows - Seriously, do that. [UPROXX]

The 45 Best Mugshots Of 2011 - The 100 Best Buzzfeed Lists Of Things That Happened In 2011 2011. [Buzzfeed]

OCD Dog Hates When Kitchen Cabinets Are Left Open - I need this dog, I’ve got some Sixth Sense shit happening in my house. [The FW]

7 Things to Watch for From the Golden Globe and SAG Nominations - #1: whether or not anybody actually watched Hugo, because it is better than anything being nominated. [Moviefone]

A Gallery of Classic 8-Bit Mashups from Drew Wise - He’s the guy that designed the potato chips bags! [Unreality]

As many longtime readers know, I am not a fan of the Phillies but I love the Phillie Phanatic more than most members of my family. Some combination of Jim Henson, a love of animals on ATVs and a longing for those innocent days of VHS blooper tapes has made me interested in whatever the Phanatic does, to the point that if you read “the Phillie Phanatic went to the Galapagos Islands” and don’t care we probably can’t be friends.

I’ll let the plot synopsis of Tom Burgoyne’s ‘The Phillie Phanatic’s Galapagos Islands Adventure’ fill you in on what I assume are the details:

At a Phillies game one night, the Phillie Phanatic notices that he looks a lot different than everyone else. His Mom, Phoebe, explains that before he lived in Philadelphia, the Phanatic lived on the Galapagos Islands. To show the Phanatic that being different is part of the beauty of life, Phoebe sends her son back to the tropical island chain where he was born.

Join the Phillie Phanatic on his long journey back to the Galapagos Islands, where he meets creatures of all shapes and sizes.

The photos you’re about to love are courtesy of MLB.com. Amy Cadge should get a Pulitzer for the one of the Phanatic with a baby sea lion.

[h/t Mike Westfall]

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