The Chargers suffered gut-wrenching last-gasp losses in their first two games — Rosario Dawson and Hochuligate, in case you’d forgotten — so they broke out their groin-stomping boots and blew out the Jets 48-29 on Monday Night Football.

Philip Rivers continued his excellent play with another three-touchdown game (he leads the NFL with 9 TD passes), and LaDainian Tomlinson finally found the end zone, scoring twice despite being held to 67 yards on 26 carries.  His longest rush was 5 yards.  START DARREN SPROLES GODDAMMIT.  Sorry.  Anguished fantasy owner here.

On the other side of the ball, Brett Favre was Brett Favre, just slingin’ the ball and never meanin’ no harm and havin’ fun out there and pilin’ up yards and convertin’ 1 of 8 third downs and throwin’ a couple interceptions, one of which Antonio Cromartie took 52 yards the other way for a score.  You know, I’m glad Favre came back this year.  This post wouldn’t be nearly as much fun if I were making fun of Chad Pennington.  What can I say about him?  “Nice haircut, asshole”?

The San Diego defense intercepted Dreamboat 3 times, but the Chargers couldn't score a touchdown and lost to the undefeated New England Patriots 21-12 today. Tom Brady was excited to win the AFC Championship:

"Now we're going someplace warm, because I'm freezing my you-know-what off," Brady said . . . It was 23 degrees at gametime, making for frosty breaths on the field and putting the Patriots cheerleaders in parkas. Most players chose to ignore the cold and came out in short sleeves. The brisk wind caused more noticeable problems. The goalposts shook with every gust while passes and punts sailed in crazy directions. "I didn't think it was that bad," Belichick said. "It wasn't a balmy day, I'm not saying that, but it wasn't bad."

I'd take Belichick's opinion of the weather with a grain of salt; he's used to the ninth circle of Hell which is only slightly warmer than Green Bay. Mother Nature has undoubtedly affected both Championship matches, and she's been taking criticism all day. Shannon Sharpe actually called her ugly during CBS' halftime show. Shannon Sharpe! If that isn't the pot calling the kettle . . . uh, he's not very attractive either. -KD 

This explains everything.  Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers here is discouraging young people from having sex, talking about the "power of chastity" and how amazing it is when young people get together and revel in the awesomeness of not having sex. 

Thanks a lot, asshole.  That's all fine and dandy that you're trapped in an unhappy marriage and hate having sex, but what am I supposed to do if all the teenagers stop having sex?  Date a girl in her twenties?  Gross.

[Fan IQ] 

I know the Chargers are out of the playoffs, and the hubbub over the LaDainian Tomlinson "not classy" comments is dying down, but I enjoyed this.

This San Diego news telecast had its camera in the middle of the Patriots-Chargers post-game confrontation, and you get to hear big-game veteran QB Philip Rivers tee off on Ellis Hobbs for being the "sorriest corner in the league."

In the end, though, the clip is kind of disappointing. The male anchor doesn't even threaten to punch the female anchor in the baby-maker.

(Via the NFL FanHaus) 

I'm not a fan of local sports talk radio shows. I don't get what the appeal is: flaming asshole maligns local sports figure, then legally retarded listeners call in and argue. It's like Jerry Springer, only about sports and without the physical confrontations.

That is, until now. A St. Louis man is accusing radio show host Kevin Slaten of assaulting him with a bottle in a bar/restaurant where Slaten had just finished a public show. I kind of want to paste the entire article and put it in blockquotes, but here's a sampling:

The man said Slaten picked up a bottle with his left hand and struck him above the eye. Dubliner employees broke up the disturbance and ejected both… One witness said the man who filed the complaint had called a companion of Slaten's an "idiot" and that the companion told Slaten: "Kevin, you've got to kick this guy's (rear)".

But here's the real gem:

Witnesses at the Dubliner told police that Slaten grabbed a purse, not a bottle, and hit the man.

Naturally. Because when a man hits me with a purse, I'm sure as hell not going to tell the cops that. "And then he hit me with a… a bottle! Yeah, it was definitely a bottle."

Slaten, of course, has a version where he doesn't assault anyone. And he probably didn't. Not by any real man's standards. There was probably just some hair-pulling and a lot of hissing.