lol

That’s the real, actual headline from today’s Paul Hagen piece on Philly.com about what a fun and affable guy John Kruk was during his days in Philadelphia. My first reaction was “come on, that’s got to be on purpose, right” but the article itself doesn’t make any jokes or further mention of it, so I have to lean toward “hilarious mistake”. I almost called this post “John Kruk Nut Gaffe”.

In case you haven’t made a joke in the last 17 years, Kruk had a bout with testicular cancer back in ’94, leading to the removal of one of his testicles. That’s the entire joke. It’s not funny that a guy had to get one of his balls scooped, but it’s an omnipresent observation on Kruk, leading to tons of hilarious, prophetic headlines like the classic to your right from Baseball Digest. Kruk could give a billion dollars to St. Jude’s Hospital and something about his semi-junk would subconsciously creep into the headline.

Of course, Philly.com is the website for both the Philadelphia Inquirer (the classy paper) and the Daily News (the tabloidy one), so sometimes they run a little risque. Maybe Hagen just crushed a funny headline. I hope it doesn’t get removed.

sh*t wait

[Doin' It Cap tip to Danger Guerrero and TheFightins.com]

Those of you that have been to the Blogs With Balls events have probably thought, “Yeah, these panels are great, but I wish I could just get silly without having to pay attention to all of these panels.” Well, guess what, sucka. Fellow podcaster Dan Levy is throwing a party for his 500th show, and you can consider yourself invited. It’s happening December 18th at Northbowl Philly on N. 2nd St., and I’m going to be there at 9 PM sharp. It’ll have all of the social ineptitude of a blogger meetup, with none of that pesky note-taking.

And Levy has told me that transportation is being organized from The District, so if you’re in the DC area without families or concerns about travel the week before Christmas, you definitely need to make the trip. Admission is free and I understand that it is open bar since Bulleit Bourbon and Captain Morgan are sponsoring this whole thing. And you can introduce Wharf to your family! Or not.

You won’t pay to get in, but you need to get a ticket here. For more details as they come in, you can email the blog at WithLeather@Gmail.com with the subject “Philly” or follow the #DL2DC hastag on Twitter. There will be no better precursor to you getting drunk with your parents, so get on it.

Hey, remember that sports bar in Philadelphia where that kid was killed last summer? Okay, it wasn’t in the bar, and this is actually a totally different location, but be that as it may. The management there has a bit of a beef with minorities. McFadden’s Restaurant and Saloon, on 3rd Street near Willow, has been named in a class-action suit because of a bartender’s complaint that “racism and racial segregation are not only tolerated, but mandated.”

According to the complaint, only five of the bar’s 75 employees are black, including Bolden and the “man and woman who work in the bathroom handing out towels.” Bolden, 29, is a full-time attorney with the nonprofit Community Legal Services, and has been employed at McFadden’s since 2007.

The complaint alleges that in June, in an effort to draw bigger crowds during slow summer months, McFadden’s hired Everett “Mr. Hollywood DJ” Jackson and a promoter named “Alexis,” both of whom are black. The move turned out to be a “resounding success,” the complaint alleges, and many of the bar’s new patrons on Wednesday nights were “non-white.”

By August, however, McFadden’s made deliberate steps to “dismantle” the Wednesday-night scene, the complaint alleges, as their usual crowd of “white individuals” was returning from college break or the shore. –Philly.com.

Knowing Philly, business at this bar will probably triple within the next week. You just can’t buy advertising like that. And just some I’m clear, I was referring to Mr. Bolden and his firm. It’s amazing that a black bartender could have held down a job at a whites-only bar for three years. I wonder if reveals the tricks to that trade in his suit.

From the brilliant minds at TAUNTR comes this very entertaining way to spend half an hour of your life as you run around as a Philadelphia security guard armed with a taser attempting to quell unruly fans bent on proving that they have the civil disobedience ability of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man or a bitchy sorceress with an unshakeable yeast infection.

Though I hate to see the reputation of the Philadelphia dragged through the mud yet again, we might actually deserve some public mocking this time. The recent rash of unfortunate fan douchebaggery has been an absolute embarrassment for a city that’s already known for having some of the worst people on earth (somewhat rightfully so). Though the ‘booing of Santa Claus’ tale is overblown and stupid (you can read the real story here), these new incidents are absolutely atrocious. Puking on kids? Toddlers with beers? COME ON! As a resident of the city of Philadelphia I say if you want to do something stupid at least make it cool, like running onto the field dressed up as a giant baby attempting to suck Prince Fielder’s teets, or something with a flare gun again. Everybody loves flare guns. Anyway, go try the game. Pretend you’re tasing the high school upperclassmen who made you take out his trash then put a candy apple in your hair as your reward. I sure did. *Quietly weeps*

Too old for computer gaming you say? WELL TOO BAD! This is a challenge from the editors of With Leather to beat my high score of not being able to get out of the second round because I don’t condone the tasing of small children drinking beers. It might hurt their brains and I don’t want to spill their beverages. Oh, who am I kidding, I’m totally fine with tasing small children, I just don’t have the technical ability to beat the level. The future is hard.

H/T City Paper