Most MLB teams stay at the Vinoy Hotel when they go to play the Devil Rays, which many players say is… haunted!

After listening to teammates talk endlessly about the haunted hotel, young pitchers Chad Billingsley and Jonathan Broxton said they experienced weird occurrences in their rooms that couldn't be explained. However, neither would discuss the episodes Sunday. It's stupid," said Billingsley, who reportedly heard his toilet flush numerous times while he was in another room. "It's not worth talking about."

Other major leaguers and former major leaguers who have been spooked at the Vinoy include Jim Fregosi, Cito Gaston, Billy Koch, Gerald Perry, Scott Williamson, Jay Gibbons and Brian Roberts. Some Pittsburgh players were so frightened that they checked out of the hotel and stayed with a teammate's family when the Pirates were in town four years ago.

Who are these ghosts?  Judging by the way they ineffectively haunt marginal, forgettable major leaguers, I'd say they're the Ghosts of Devil Rays Future.  You just don't get that kind of mediocrity from other major league ghosts.

Thanks to Deadspin and Awful Announcing, I'm now am aware of the touch® by Alyssa Milano Ultimate Fan sweepstakes.  The grand prize winner of this contest will receive two tickets to two Dodgers games, hotel accommodations for three nights and an opportunity to meet the lovely Alyssa at one of the games.  Admittedly, an "opportunity" doesn't sound like much, but my favorite witch revealed she will have dinner at the Dugout Club at Dodger Stadium with the lucky winner.  Ooohh, the Dugout Club, that sounds expensive.  I had better brush up on my dining etiquette just in case I win this thing.  Let's see, use the silverware from the outside in, refrain from slurping the soup, and always begin any dinner conversation with the phrase, "Remember that episode of Charmed when . . .".  For whoever out there wins second place, you'll receive $150 worth of touch which is a great deal because the you usually have to drop at least $200 to get some touch.

And speaking of sexy bloggers and contests, your handsome assistant editor advanced to the second round of the National League West Bracket of the Ladies… Hot Blogger tournament.  In a tight race, reminiscent of the '60 presidential election where once again the Chicago vote was tallied late, the Irish-Catholic was able to squeak out a victory over the favored Red Sox Stats Guy.  Although many believed his victory was assured because he included his adorable son in his photo, he was very gracious in defeat, so check out his new blog.  I'm off to the tavern to heckle the Cubs on Sunday Night Baseball and hit on the lovely barmaids with my newfound confidence. -KD 

Matt White is a journeyman minor league pitcher who's trying to break in with the Dodgers this season. He also has the best chance to become the first billionaire baseball player.

White, who has appeared in seven big league games in nine professional seasons, paid $50,000 three years ago to buy 50 acres of land from an elderly aunt who needed the money to pay for a nursing home. While clearing out a couple acres to build a home, he discovered stone ledges in the ground, prompting him to have the property surveyed. A geologist estimated there were 24 million tons of the stone on his land. The stone is being sold for upward of $100 per ton, meaning there's well over $2 billion worth of material used for sidewalks, patios and the like.

Riiiiiight, he found the rock "after" he bought it from his feeble old aunt. As a "favor to her." Because she "needed the money." Whatever happened, he definitely did NOT screw over his poverty-stricken, dying aunt to become the country's next shale baron.

Of course, due to overhead costs like mining and transportation, White may have to settle for selling the land for only a couple hundred million dollars. Tough break. Meanwhile his aunt has bedsores and needs her bedpan changed. But screw her, she's old and smells funny.

I don't know how new this information is, but apprently Eliza Dushku is dating the Dodgers' Brad Penny (third item).

I have to say, I'm a little perplexed. I don't know how familiar you are with above-average National League starting pitchers, but Brad Penny is a disgusting fatass slob. He looks like the love child of Large Marge and an inordinately sweaty bouncer. Seriously, check out the photo gallery at his Dodgers page. That's a man who identifies with Geico ads.

I'm not quite sure why Eliza is dating some millionaire athlete when she could be dating someone sexy like me, or me, or someone similar to me, but I try not to dwell on these things. Because otherwise I'd get hung up thinking about her delightful take on hair removal, then I'd try to see if Tru Calling: Season One has been released on DVD yet, then I'd settle for masturbating to Bring It On, and I already did that the last four nights.

And I'd really prefer to mix it up a little bit.

(p.s. Note the Roto Rooter truck in the background. No, it doesn't give me any dirty thoughts. I'm just practicing for those memory-IQ tests is all. I swear. No, you're immature!)

This one's for all the Angeleno girls who've been hating on the skinny bitches: just take your anorexic rival to a Dodgers game, where $35 in advance will get you the all-you-can-eat option in the rightfield bleachers.

Takers will have access to as many hot dogs, peanuts, popcorn, nachos and soft drinks as they want. "Instead of paying cash, fans ask for whatever they want, and they get it. There are going to be some self-service parts, buffet-style, as well," said Dodgers executive vice president and chief operating officer Marty Greenspun…

Finally, a genius executive has mixed America's pastime (baseball) with America's pastime (getting fat on preservative-laden food). 

But it's good news for one new resident of Los Angeles. Victoria Beckham could use the extra calories on that toothpick frame of hers.

Oh, who am I kidding? Don't you dare change a thing, Vicki. Your thumb is all the sustenance you need.

In all the hubbub surrounding the Cardinals sneaking into the playoffs, I left out the rest of the final-day excitement that sealed the rest of the playoff picture. The Padres beat Arizona 7-6, clicnching the NL West over the Dodgers, who finished with the same record but settle for the Wild Card after losing the season series to San Diego. The Padres will destroy the Cardinals, while the Dodgers travel to New York to face the Mets, who will be without the shell of Pedro Martinez for the next eight months.

The AL picture is tragic and sad and therefore darkly hilarious. After utterly destroying the American League for the first half of the season and leading the AL Central THE ENTIRE SEASON, the Tigers gave up a 7-0 lead to the Royals before losing 10-8 in 12 innings, which, coupled with the Twins' 5-1 win over the White Sox, completed Los Tigres' late-season slide and gave the AL Central title to the Metrodome's tenants. Wow. The Tigers, instead of hosting the A's, must now travel to New York to face the Yankees. What a fucking kick in the balls. Amazing.

In non-playoff news, Frank Robinson had a tearful farewell as he lost his final game as the Nats' manager, while Mariners fans cried at hearing the news that idiot-stick Mike Hargrove will be back to transform at least a dozen wins into losses over the course of 2007. Fucking great. Bring the pain, baseball. Bring on Joe Buck.