I don’t want to bag on the Atlanta Braves, because I have a lot of friends who are #BARVES fans and I respect their fanfare. I also just don’t have a reason to dislike the Braves, especially since they were kind enough to lose an assload of games at the end of last season so the St. Louis Cardinals could make the playoffs and win the World Series.

But come on, champagne? For clinching a spot in the Wild Card play-in game? To clarify, I’m in the “There should only be champagne at the World Series” camp, so I think it’s silly when teams do it at every level on the MLB playoffs. Here’s my alternative suggestion – Smirnoff Ice for the Wild Card win, beer for the Divisional Series, Jager for the Championship Series, and then champagne for the World Series. Hell yeah, bros!

Now on to tonight’s incredibly boring sports action…

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You know those annoying Facebook macros going around with a picture of the Angry Beavers on it or whatever, with a big caption reading “ONLY 90S KIDS WOULD REMEMBER THIS CLICK LIKE” across the top? The Philadelphia Phillies made an entire night out of that.

Wednesday’s 3-2 loss to Brandon Bronson Arroyo was ’90s Retro Night at Citizens Bank Park, and as the mascot-loving guy behind the Sports On TV column I’d be doing you a disservice if I didn’t share the clip of the Phillie Phanatic dancing with the Spice (Ball) Girls or the hilariously thrown-together photoshops depicting Charlie Manuel as Wilson from ‘Home Improvement’, or whatever. It’s the kind of night that makes being at the ballpark fun, except for all the losing.

Most of the pictures come with a hat-tip to my good friend Mr. Joey Odorisio, and the ones that don’t are credited where applicable. What are you waiting for? Check them out. There’s a really creepy shot of Chase Utley as Dylan from ‘Beverly Hills 90210′ waiting somewhere on the other side of this jump.

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The Phillie Phanatic dancing with Jabbawockeez, everybody. The only way they can top this is if they strap Slider to a bed and have him dramatically dance about emotions with Kherington Payne. (via Outside The Boxscore)

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Links

Any Day Is A Good Day For A Bill Murray Tribute Remix |UPROXX|

Based On Their New Trailers, Which Of These 5 Shows Are You Most Excited About Returning In The Fall? |Warming Glow|

The Avengers Deleted Scene: The Hulk Gets Deep |Film Drunk|

Move Over, Tebow: ‘Felixing’ Is The New Craze |With Leather|

James Gunn May Carry The Huge Load Of Directing ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ |Gamma Squad|

The 15 Greatest Lil Wayne Songs (Since 2008) |Smoking Section|

Is Jay Cutler Really A Cat In Disguise? A KSK Investigation |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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The Phillie Phanatic takes out a gaggle of hot dog imposters, because that’s how he rolls. This has made the rest of my day happier. (via MLB.com)

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

NBC Has Decided To Stop Making Great Comedies Like ‘Community’ |Warming Glow|

Six Seasons And A Meth Lab: ‘Community’ Meets ‘Breaking Bad’ Mashup Is Streets Ahead With Chemistry |UPROXX|

Vice Reporter On Acid Covers The Westminster Dog Show |Film Drunk|

Surprise! The World Isn’t Reacting Well To Michelle Jenneke |With Leather|

Breaking: Three-Boobed Hooker Actress Denies She Has Three Boobs |Gamma Squad|

Hola’ Hovito: Jay-Z’s 10 Best Guest Appearances |Smoking Section|

5 More Hard Truths About Training Camp |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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In a deal that really shouldn’t have surprised anyone, lest a team were willing to deliver an entire bus full of MLB-ready pitching prospects to City of Brotherly Love, the Philadelphia Phillies have agreed to a new deal with lefty Cole Hamels that will make him the second-richest pitcher in Major League Baseball, behind C.C. Sabathia. At a press conference today, Hamels will probably show up in a tuxedo made of money to announce his new 6-year, $144 million deal to remain with Philly.

And there’s not really much else to say about this deal, other than it’s great, because if it weren’t the Phillies, another team would have probably paid Hamels even more. Phils fans deserved some good news, too, as they’re languishing in last place in the NL East while watching the Miami Marlins, who they trail by a game and a half, clean house in a most, well, Marlins kind of way. Seriously, they just gave Hanley Ramirez away. I know he sucks, but there had to have been a more desperate team.

Regardless, while a late season push by the Phillies seems far-fetched, we know stranger things have happened, so maybe this will provide a little boost for the team that now has a small fortune wrapped up in 1/6 of the team’s payroll. But I won’t let a thing like money get in the way of making our friends at Zoo With Roy go photoshop and GIF crazy.

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Philadelphia Phillies ballgirl Genevieve Haney made a great catch during Monday’s game against the Brewers at Citizens Bank Park. How do we know? MLB.com put it up and made it embeddable. Those guys don’t make World Series wins embeddable. So good for you, Genevieve, you’ve made it.

Because we’re perverts, we checked out Genevieve’s Twitter and discovered that she, like so many beautiful young women, are obsessed with Instagram. Think of her as Philadelphia foul territory’s Paulina Gretzky. We’ve put together a gallery of some of our favorite Phillies Ballgirl Instagrams, so check it out. They’ll be available for almost two hours before Busted Coverage puts action fonts on them and calls them an exclusive gallery.

And before you read my mind, yes, the Phillie Phanatic shows up in at least one of them.

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