There are a few types of stories I try not to miss — baseball players in drag, pets who have miraculously found their way home after natural disasters — but the best story of all is the one where a Philadelphia sports fan is acting like a butthole and gets hit or shocked or shot with something.

Via Puck Daddy:

During the first round of the 2011 Eastern Conference Playoffs, a Philadelphia Flyers fan taunted the Buffalo Sabres during warm-ups before a game at Wells Fargo Center, and the Sabres responded by plunking a few pucks off the glass at this pest.

Eventually, it was time for 6-foot-7 defenseman Tyler Myers to offer his rejoinder — with smashing results.

I don’t want to piss off the “no fan deserves this” or “there were kids sitting nearby who could’ve gotten hurt” crowds, but I feel it’s my obligation as a guy who has calmly loved and followed sports his entire life to find some level of schadenfreude in the unfortunate events that befall the people who won’t shut up during them. And also Flyers fans.

In case you missed last night’s Boston/Philadelphia playoff game, Bruins defenseman Adam McQuaid attempted E. Honda’s flying headbutt from Street Fighter II and ended up murdering himself into the boards. He was going for a big check on the Flyer’s Mike Richards and completely whiffed, so now we, the vultures of pop culture sports comedy, get to watch it over and over again. It’s like the drunk Red Sox fan video we posted earlier, without the other person.

McQuaid was taken to Jefferson Hospital in Philadelphia and was reportedly alert and awake.

“Adam is coming back home with us,” Bruins coach Claude Julien reportedly said. “He was sent to the hospital for evaluation. I don’t know the whole details there, which we’ll probably share with you guys tomorrow if we can. But he’s coming back with us, so that’s a good sign in itself.”

Highlights For Children caption contest winner: “THAT’s using your head!” – Josh, age 7

[Yahoo Sports]

"Ass like an onion, right?"

The two Vancouver Canucks fans lovingly known as the Green Men claim that they received a warning from Canucks officials before Saturday’s game to curb their behavior that they’ve become somewhat famous for. Basically, they dance around in the green body suits made famous by Charlie Day and they heckle opposing players in the penalty box. Apparently the Predators have grown tired of this.

“Someone through the NHL told us that we were no longer allowed to touch the glass,” said one of the two lads who go by the handles Force and Sully.

“This is the first complaint we’ve ever heard of. The Canucks love us. We haven’t done anything wrong. We pay full price, and we have a little fun while supporting our team.” (Via Toronto Sun)

However, Predators officials deny making any complaint about the Green Men, and we have to believe them, because if there’s one thing that a team does after complaining about something insignificant like annoying fans, it’s own up to it. Yesiree, there’s not a team out there that doesn’t care about people labeling its executives and players as whiny little sissy girls. Good thing fans don’t react to or lash out at these types of complaints at all.

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Former NHL journeyman left winger Donald Brashear has made a great career decision as he approaches his 40th birthday — he’s getting into mixed martial arts. USA Today is reporting that the currently semi-pro hockey star has signed a contract with promoter Ringside MMA for a minimum of one fight, with possibly as many as three fights set to take place, including a rumored bout on the Ringside 11 car at the Quebec Coliseum on June 4th.

The 6-foot-3, 237-pound Brashear played for the Canadiens, Canucks, Flyers, Capitals and Rangers throughout his NHL career, and is mostly famous for that one time when he pissed off the Boston Bruins so badly that Marty McSorely slashed him in the back of the head with his stick. He’s also semi-famous for a 2000 assault charge wherein he roughing a guy up at the gym for complaining about a baby crawling on the exercise machines. This combination of brain concussion and irrational anger makes Brashear a perfect candidate for MMA.

I guess the major challenge is going to be learning how to fight without pulling on somebody’s sweater. Maybe he’ll innovate the sport and figure out how to pull someone’s sponsored jam shorts up over their head.

With his Philadelphia Flyers down 2-0 very early in the game against the Carolina Hurricanes, coach Peter Laviolette needed a way to motivate his team and get them to score goals. After bringing them to the bench during a timeout, did he have any kind of new strategy for them to try? No. I guess that means Laviolette needed to fall back to plan B: yell a lot, get really angry and punch one of your players in the head. I honestly don’t see how that wouldn’t work.

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With the Philadelphia Flyers on the verge of Stanley Cup elimination on their own ice at the Wachovia Center, the attention has been turned away from tonight’s Game 6 in Philly and focused on the Chicago Tribune’s latest attempt at sports rivalry humor – a graphic portraying “Chrissy” Pronger in a skirt, and declaring that he “Looks like Tarzan, skates like Jane.” Despite the distraction, Pronger has mostly ignored the jab, which makes one of us. I just can’t tell where his legs stop and his neck starts.

With the Flyers down 3-2 to the Chicago Blackhawks and facing their fourth elimination game of these playoffs, Pronger told reporters that he doesn’t bother reading anything that’s written about him – good or bad. The Tribune’s editorial staff, in the face of accusations that the image and accompanying copy are sexist, responded that the intent was all in harmless fun, and that nobody should be upset about some good, old-fashioned tomfoolery. Besides, with sexy pictures like that, it’s not like anyone reads the Tribune for the articles.

Photoshop my bikini line, USA Today:

Tribune sports editor Mike Kellams told the New York Daily News that the paper did not intend to be offensive but “there is no other guy in orange who commands attention like Chris Pronger does…he’s the villain, he’s the enemy. We were just trying to tap into that emotion that is unique to sports, and we were just trying to have some fun in the paper. I don’t think that’s against the law.”

Team USA women’s hockey captain Angela Ruggiero doesn’t see anything funny in the Tribune’s efforts, though, responding:

“I’d like to see that editor out on skates. I’ll take them one-on-one on the ice any day,” Ruggiero said. “They obviously have never seen women’s hockey and are living in the dark ages. … Obviously it’s offensive. It’s disappointing more than anything.”

As the one-time owner of a Manon Rheaume rookie card, I am offended as well. I can’t believe I paid $6 for it. Tribune sports editor Mike Kellams said he’s received mixed reactions to the graphic, adding: “Johnny Weir LOVED it!” Ruggiero is hosting her hockey camp for girls in Illinois this month and has said that she refuses to purchase a Tribune newspaper, making her no different than 90 percent of Americans.