The NHL needs a “previously on” recap before games, I guess.

Hockey’s been gone so long, even the networks airing hockey games don’t remember what happened the last time the NHL was in season. They know the Kings won the Stanley Cup. Their logo has a basketball on it for some reason, right? They know Wayne Gretzky’s daughter has an Instagram account and a fantastic body, and Wayne Gretzky was a hockey guy, probably. The rest? They’ll just make that up as they go.

As an example of what I’m talking about, here’s an ad for NHL on NBC, wherein they hype saturday’s Pittsburgh/Philadelphia game by saying Claude Giroux and the Flyers “have their sights set on revenge for last season’s playoff loss to Pitt.” Uh, you know, that series the Flyers won in six games and pretty much dominated. Was NBC not around for ‘Knock Knock?’ Oh well, at least they know who Claude Giroux is, and didn’t just call him Eric Lindros.

If we’re gonna fan-fic last year’s playoffs, can we write in a thing where Alex Ovechkin tried really hard, and the Caps didn’t make me feel terrible again?

[h/t to Puck Daddy]

After a few weeks of writing about shows me and three other people in the world like (Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, Boy Meets World, et al.), we decided to dedicate a Sports On TV column to a show the entire UPROXX network loves — ‘It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia,’ FX’s delightfully cruel comedy that has its own page of recaps and commenter badges on the UPROXX mothership.

The show’s use of Philadelphia is at least as comprehensive as ‘The Wire’s’ use of Baltimore, and all of the important Philly area teams and icons have made an appearance on the show … the Eagles, the Flyers, the Phillies, the Phillie Phanatic. ‘It’s Always Sunny’ also launched the worldwide popularity of GREEN MAN, who you may know as “that a-hole in the morphsuit at any sporting event.” It’s an important thing they’re doing, so we’re here to talk about it.

Things we have to apologize for in advance: crude language, situations meant for mature audiences and getting the “Flipadelphia” song stuck in your head again.

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Won't someone please think of the Ice Girls?

Not like they really needed it, but we can add yet another reason to support the NHL players as we enter Day 70 of the NHL lockout – they’re good human beings. New York Rangers center Brad Richards and Philadelphia Flyers forward Scott Hartnell got together and decided to partner with Caesar’s Atlantic City to create a charity hockey game known as “Operation Hat Trick”, which won’t feature many of the league’s best players, but it will showcase some guys who want to play a little hockey and raise money for Hurricane Sandy relief. Somewhere, an NHL team owner wiped his ass with a $100 bill and stuck it to an orphan’s cheek.

According to Richards:

“It’ll be a real, 60-minute game,” Richards said. “The focus will probably be more on the offensive side. But we’ll put on a good show for the fans.”

Wouldn’t it be nice if this incredibly generous act led both sides of this lockout to finally sitting down for an entire day and hammering out a 50/50 deal, instead of the owners trying to find any and every way to take as much money from the players as possible? Haha, I know, that was my funniest joke of the year.

The game will be played tomorrow at Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City, and Rangers goalie Henrik Lundqvist recognizes that while it sucks for players and fans that there probably won’t be a 2012-13 NHL season, that’s a far cry from the pain that people in New York and New Jersey, among other states have been dealing with.

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I have a few friends in Philadelphia, and after the Philadelphia Flyers eliminated the Model Franchise Pittsburgh Penguins with a 5-1 victory in Game 6 of their first-round playoff series on Sunday there was (Facebook) talk of a “dynasty”. A dynasty. After one playoff series victory in a row. If the Flyers lose between now and Lord Stanley’s Cup, those same people will complain about how hard the media tries to make Philly sports fans look like goons.

If they do win the Cup, however, it’ll be thanks to the efforts of fans like these and ‘Knock Knock’, the Karaoke In The Style of Mac Miller fan anthem performed by LiL LouiE C (his capitalization, not mine) (Free Lil Louie C with purchase of a regular sized Louie C*). As fan anthems go it’s not the worst we’ve heard, but it brings up three very important questions:

1. Why are other sports organizations so quick to bring the Terms And Services hammer down on YouTube users illegally uploading clips (like the Metta World Peace elbow we ended up having to gif), but 2:45 of this guy’s 3-minute video is Flyers clips and the NHL doesn’t lift a finger?

2. Is the defining characteristic of an “anthem” the fact that you went around town taping random townspeople lip syncing to your song in 2-second gestures? “Okay now go KNOCK KNOCK with your hands and mouth LET EM IN” etc.

3. Is that Turtle from Entourage?

Well, at least one of those questions has an answer:

[h/t to Philly Sports Live]
*joke credit to Jon Bois

My favorite part of NMA World Edition’s recap of the rising violence in the NHL Playoffs should be players drowning each other, morphing into literal devils and damage-dealing penguins (!) or attacking one another with rocket shoes, but it isn’t — it’s the fact that I guess Taiwanese animation doesn’t have a pre-rendered hockey helmet in their clip art so they just gave everybody motorcycle helmets. That’s amazing.

So yeah, here’s the blood and guts report from our favorite, barely-talented journalistic savants. Come for the fans high-fiving each other for getting hit with body parts, stay for the child-on-child violence.

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This video really should’ve ended with the camera zooming in too far and falling off the pedestal. (via OTB)

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Links

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The Dugout Opening Days ’12: Washington Nationals |With Leather|

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Kanye’s “Theraflu” Gets A Name Change, New Artwork |Smoking Section|

Joe Eszterhas’s rejected Maccabee script was über-violent, Jewy |Film Drunk|

The Catholic League Is Irate With Kate Upton |With Leather|

Live From New York! It’s Herp A Derp Derp! |With Leather|

How Much Do You Disagree with EW’s List of the 20 Most Annoying TV Characters? |Warming Glow|

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