The marketing gurus at Pepsi have teamed up with the NFL to create 5 new NFL team anthems by pairing franchises with their biggest pop star fans, and Dallas Cowboys fans are first up with Kelly Clarkson’s new single, “Get Up”. The Texas native and American Idol winner is famously a fan of America’s Former Team, and that must be comforting for her fellow Cowboys fans as they watched their team herp and derp to a 3-0 preseason loss win to the Oakland Raiders last night.

But preseason jitters aside, Clarkson is excited about her team’s chances this season, so she wants you to picture one thing and one thing only when you listen to her new jam – her mother giving birth.

“When you’re born in Fort Worth, you come out of the womb loving the Cowboys,” she says. “In Texas, people love football more than anything. Once they find out about this, I’ll be golden.” (Via USA Today)

And don’t worry, folks, Clarkson didn’t want this to be a friendly little PR stunt. She also wanted to do her part in crapping all over the team’s rivals.

The team is simply iconic, she says. “People overseas know the Dallas Cowboys. They don’t know the Denver Broncos or the Philadelphia Eagles. The Dallas cheerleaders are more famous than some of the NFL teams. I know I sound biased.”

I really wish she said the New York Giants instead of the Denver Broncos, because then ESPN could devote hours of coverage to analyzing what the star of From Justin to Kelly means when she says the Eagles aren’t known overseas. “With more on this developing story, we take you to Ron Jaworski having a stroke,” an anchor would say while I made fart noises with my hands.

Clarkson’s Cowboys anthem is joined by Tavie McCoy’s “All In” anthem for the New York Giants, as well as yet-to-be-announced instant classics by Kid Rock (Detroit Lions) and Ice Cube (Oakland Raiders). Also, Wiz Khalifa’s “Black and Yellow” will be remixed, because someone got lazy toward the end of planning this.

After the jump, check out Clarkson’s “Get Up”.

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In news that is sure to overshadow the Jacksonville Jaguars announcement that they’re merging with Crash Bandicoot, the Philadelphia Eagles have entered into a partnership with the Angry Birds. I’m serious.

So far, the announcement has only included two things: a “Philadelphia Eagle” character you can use in upcoming Angry Birds games and this video of Andy Reid welcoming fat birds and birds that explode to the team. DREAM TEAM.

Hopefully this will send a message to the rest of the NFL — The Philadelphia Eagles are a team to watch in 2012. Either that, or that when you spend all your money on free agents you’ve got to recoup it though iPad game crossovers, so the Miami Dolphins should forget about Ochocinco and try to get some of that sweet, sweet Elf Bowling money. One of those two messages.

[h/t Pro Football Zone]

Last summer, as the majority of NFL players were worried about whether or not they’d be able to pay for their Internet bills, Philadelphia Eagles running back LeSean McCoy took a shot at New York Giants DE Osi Umenyiora on Twitter, calling him soft and overrated. Umenyiora then called McCoy a “Twitter gangster” and referred to him as “she” in all interviews because only girls start feuds with each other on Twitter. Fair enough.

So, um, how was your weekend, Mrs. Umenyiora?

Umenyiora has been the subject of various trade rumors this offseason, and he openly declared his discontent with the organization for only offering him an extension worth half as much as what they gave Mathias Kiwanuka. Whether or not that will be rectified has yet to be seen, so I suppose boredom is the reason that Umenyiora is poking the ringless McCoy with his Lombardi stick.

At least McCoy seems to have a sense of humor about it…

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While the first round of the NFL draft is in the books, I still haven’t been able to fully wrap my head around how exciting it actually was. For starters, when did Rick Spielman learn how to be good at his job? Did he have to suck in Miami on purpose in order to become successful in Minnesota? And how is it that I’m just flat out impressed at how the New England Patriots traded up two times last night instead of typically hating them? And how did my brother, who loves the Seattle Seahawks, think it was a good idea to make fun of the Miami Dolphins before his team drafted?

Speaking of the Dolphins, the team that I have inexplicably saddled my shame and sorrow to for eternity, I’ve never been so sad for being so right – as evidenced by my Jeff Ireland satire at Kissing Suzy Kolber yesterday. Ugh.

Anywho, the highlight of the first round for me is the above image of Fletcher Cox after he was drafted by the Philadelphia Eagles with the 12th pick. I will probably never know the answer to this – and I probably don’t want to – but who is the dude on the left? He’s awesome. I am going to photoshop him into all of my family photos.

UPDATE: Sorry, wasn’t paying close attention when I accidentally posted the Photoshop as the banner. I know, it’s disappointing.

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Donovan McNabb is probably never going to play in the NFL again, unless he’s willing to take a job as a backup. Even then, he’ll probably still complain about being a backup and demand that he be allowed to compete for the starting job. At least that’s what I assume is the thought process of any GM looking for a competent veteran, because otherwise he’d be a Miami Dolphin.

It seems that McNabb may have accepted this idea now as well, because he’s already taking the next step in his career – promoting himself for the NFL Hall of Fame. According to McNabb, he’s as good as in.

“What happens a lot of times is we look at what the list says, so we talk about the five NFC Championship Games, the six Pro Bowls and then we come to the end, ‘Well, he never won the big game,’ ” McNabb told Mark Kriegel of FoxSports.com, via the Philadelphia Daily News. “Well, Peyton never won the big game until he won the Super Bowl. Dan Marino never won the big game. Does that mean his career is a failure? No, not at all.” (Via NFL.com)

That’s right, the big game is the Super Bowl, and Peyton Manning never won the big game until he won the big game. Aside from the fact that Manning and Marino are two of the most proficient passers in NFL history, that’s incredible logic right there. But let’s go ahead and destroy that logic for the sake of building a self-beneficial argument.

“First of all is his numbers. How many times has he led his team to the big game?” McNabb said. “The big game still is the NFC Championship Game, the game to lead you there, and most importantly of all, did he make the players around him better? In his time, in his era, was he a top-five, top-10 quarterback in the league?”

Okay, that’s more convenient, making the NFC Championship Game the “big game”. The Super Bowl is just the Pro Bowl play-in game at this point, so what matters is the conference championship. That must be why Jim Kelly is in the Hall of Fame. He sucked at winning Super Bowls, but they don’t matter. He was, however, awesome at winning the AFC Championship, and that’s the “big game”. But if that is the argument, it’s pretty weak, because McNabb was 1-4 in his big games.

I want to be fair, though. First, since McNabb invoked Manning and Marino as examples, let’s compare this trio.

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I once thought that a great idea for a magazine would be Haters – “The publication devoted to people who hate sh*t.” It was my billion dollar idea until I learned that things take effort and I hate that sh*t. But lately I’ve realized that my idea would have just been a knock off of the magazine that already has hate down pat – Forbes.

When it’s not busy hating people who don’t have money, Forbes is going out of its way to compile lists of people and things that we all hate. This week, it’s the annual list of the Most Hated Athletes in America. Sure, they call it the Most Disliked Athletes, but read between the capitalist lines, amigos.

So who, pray tell, are the most heinous and villainous prick athletes in all of the land, Forbes?

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